Pastors, I won't be at church on Sunday...

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Each week as part of my Bible lessons at home, my husband, Mr. Whitford, requires that I write a full report detailing everything I've learned. The length he asks for the report varies every week, and this week it was 2000 words.
Normally he's satisfied with my work, but he feels this time there was too much padding and too many passages directly quoted, so he's very disappointed.
Instead of the usual punishment, he wants to try something different. He bought a large dog kennel and installed it in the wine cellar and has filled it with blankets and a camping toilet. I will be going into it right away and won't be coming out until Sunday afternoon or evening. Church is my favorite activity, and so he feels I won't learn anything unless I actually miss something important to me, and he's right.
Mr. Whitford is a truly loving husband and I praise Jesus that he cares so much about me that he will do whatever it takes for me to make sure I know the Bible inside and out. He is so kind that he even gave me permission to come here and let the pastors know personally why I won't be at church this Sunday! If only all women could have such wonderful, Godly husbands like him. This would be a far better world ready for the Lord's return, let me tell you!
See you all in a few days!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Pastors, I won't be at church on Sunday...

We men already knew about this. Brother Whitford has organized a little camping trip with some of the younger brothers from what I heard. I hope he left you plenty of water, the temperature is supposed to be 115 in the shade.

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Re: Pastors, I won't be at church on Sunday...

It's toasty here in Baghdad, too. Here's the weather forcast for today:

Friday
Clear. High: 114° F. / 46° C. Wind WNW 11 mph. / 18 km/h.


I've discovered something interesting about the weather here. Once it gets up to the upper 120s, the smell of rotting flesh isn't so bad because it begins to cook instead of just decomposing.

Either that, or it's yet another sign that The Surge is working!

[nikilds]

Re: Pastors, I won't be at church on Sunday...

My dad did something similar to me growing up.
Instead I had to stand in a closet that was locked.
Truthfully, I was terrified at times, but I learned my lesson.

During the later closet growth fulfillments, he would keep me in there longer and without food and water.

Whatever you do, just dont talk or bug your husband while you are in the kennel. Women are not dogs and shouldnt whine like one.
Sister, you are such an inspiration to me! I hope I can find a Godly husband such as yours one day!!

[Deaner]

Re: Pastors, I won't be at church on Sunday...

Instead of the usual punishment, he wants to try something different.

Your husband cracks me up Sister; he truly is one of a kind. Some might accuse him of being a little soft giving you a toilet but his heart is in the right place. Reading your Bible in the dark can be a bit of a challenge though; what a hoot that guy is.

[lilith]

Re: Pastors, I won't be at church on Sunday...

Sister Mary Maria,do you realise that if anyone were to treat a dog in this way,they'd be prosecuted?
I suggest you ring the SPCA,or whatever the American equivalent is.
And if your husband's "disappointed" in your work,he'll learn to live with it.

[Sister Rebecca]

Re: Pastors, I won't be at church on Sunday...

Sister Mary, I am absolutely sure you will learn your lesson by Sunday evening services. Will he allow you to come? Surely you can write another paper in addition to your kennel stay. That will definitely show him you are truly devout in your learnings.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Pastors, I won't be at church on Sunday...

We men already knew about this. Brother Whitford has organized a little camping trip with some of the younger brothers from what I heard. I hope he left you plenty of water, the temperature is supposed to be 115 in the shade.

The maid was required to bring me food and water, though where Laquisha got so many pies was beyond. If I don't see another pie for as long as I live, I will be quite happy!
As for the temperature, the wine cellar is kept at a constant 52 degrees, so it was more of a case of bundling up in the blankets than worrying about perspiration!
I have learned my lesson, let me tell you. No more slipshod reports from me!