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If I repented and wanted to be saved and all that, what would I need to do? Can I even be saved?
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Re: Can I be saved?
No. Sorry.I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen
Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
Matthew 7:22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.
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Re: Can I be saved?
But.... but.... but I want to stop being an evil, hell bound lez-bean and I want to go out and find a man to beat me so I can make little soldiers for Christ! I don't want to go to hell!Originally posted by GOD=life View PostComment
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Re: Can I be saved?
No you don't. You're just teasing us. We know full well that satan's imps are full of tricks.Originally posted by Spaghetti Monster View Post
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!Comment
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Re: Can I be saved?
No! I'm telling the truth! I have accepted Jesus as my Lord and savior! What do I have to do to show my sincerity?Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View PostNo you don't. You're just teasing us. We know full well that satan's imps are full of tricks.Comment
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Re: Can I be saved?
Judging by your picture, I find that about as likely as me winning the lottery. What? You really think I play games of chance?
No way. I only play Hold 'em where me winning is a sure thing.Read the series of the greatest smitings in the Bible.
The 67 deadly sins of the New Testament.
Do you believe you are a sinner? God doesn't listen to the prayers of sinners.
Praise and worship with Pastor Will. Services at 9 a.m., 11 a.m. and 6 p.m.
Contact me. pastorwillsampson at gmail.comComment
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Re: Can I be saved?
Get your credit cards ready, and contact our joo accountants. A robust Love Offering to God's favorite church is always a good way to show your sincerity.Originally posted by Spaghetti Monster View Post
Also you'll have to stop being a filthy degenerate lezbean pervert.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!Comment
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Re: Can I be saved?
Yes, I've already stopped evil lezbean activities! I've even stopped eating seafood, just to be safe! Tell me how to contact your accountants!Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View PostComment
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Re: Can I be saved?
Jesus tells me your as about as sincere as something trying to eat a goat crossing a bridge.Originally posted by Spaghetti Monster View PostRead the series of the greatest smitings in the Bible.
The 67 deadly sins of the New Testament.
Do you believe you are a sinner? God doesn't listen to the prayers of sinners.
Praise and worship with Pastor Will. Services at 9 a.m., 11 a.m. and 6 p.m.
Contact me. pastorwillsampson at gmail.comComment
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Re: Can I be saved?
Do you have an independant Baptist Church nearby? I'd say you need an exorcism at a minimum. We can do one on you, but I doubt that you could afford it.Originally posted by Spaghetti Monster View Post
Have you considered Betty Bower's BASH (Baptists Are Saving Homersexurals) program?
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!Comment
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Re: Can I be saved?
I tried to find a Baptist Church. I went to some nearby. Most of them looked at me funny when I asked for the exorcism. One of them asked me if I'm on any kind of medication. Clearly, I'm going to have to put alot more effort into it if I'm going to find a good church.Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Wow! I didn't know BASH worked for lezbeans, too! How can I enroll?Have you considered Betty Bower's BASH (Baptists Are Saving Homersexurals) program?Comment
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