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As many of you know, I work hard all through the week using my bullhorn to blast harlots and medical staff entering/exiting the evil Wacko (Texas) Abortion Clinic.
Of course, the clinic is closed on weekends. However, as a soldier in God's Army, my work is 27/7 - I don't have the luxury of taking a day off! So I usually spend Sunday in the city park, using my bullhorn to harangue sinners who should be attending church. It seems to be working - I've noticed that whenever I show up, people quickly vacate the park. Some of them even waive to me, usually with their middle finger prominently displayed - I reckon that's a special Wacko, Texas "thumbs up" hand signal.
Last Sunday, after I cleared out the park, I headed over to a Wal-Mart parking lot where I handed out photos of dead fetuses and used my bullhorn to spread the message of Jesus's love. And that's when I met an interesting fellow named Tom. He was also there to spread the good news of the gospel. However, unlike me, he didn't have a bullhorn, but rather a car which he called a "Jesusmobile":
Tom and I had a great conversation. Coincidentally, it turns out that - just like me- he also spent time in the Happydale Asylum for the Severely Disturbed where he found Jesus. What a small world this is! In fact, I'm sure it wasn't a coincidence at all. The Lord works in mysterious ways, and my "chance" encounter with Tom was certainly pre-arranged by Jesus himself.
So why were Tom and I brought together? The answer came to me suddenly (just like those acid flashbacks I occasionally get) - the Lord was telling me that I too must buy a car and make it into a Jesusmobile. Think about what that would mean! I could mount 3 bullhorns on the roof, and drive all over Wacko and surrounding communities, spreading the word of the Lord to God's wayward children. What a great tool for battling Satan! You might even call it a Jesustank.
Unfortunately, even an old used car in decent condition would probably cost $5000, and that's not including the extra money needed to outfit the vehicle with bullhorns. Plus I would need additional funds for gasoline, maintenance, and a CD player so I could broadcast gospel music in between my sermons. Sadly, I don't have any money. Indeed, I've been out of work ever since my release from the asylum. So I prayed to God - and Hallelujah, my prayers were answered!
Just last night, I was down at the Wacko Rescue Mission soup kitchen, where I use the computer to post on LandOverBaptist, and I checked my email. And right there in my email inbox was the solution to all my problems:
ATTN: DIRECTOR / CEO
I am Prince Johnson Mpoyo the elder son of Prince Dennis Mpoyo, the Former Nigerian personal assistance to Minister for Youth & Gender Equality who is also a businessman and politician, in the Nigerian political arena. My Father was the famous politician who stood firm against the dictatorial government.
Because of my father's sincerity, he was killed on the 14th April 2007 by a planned motor accident along Mashonaland in Western Mashona province of Nigeria.
Sir, when this accident occurred at about 10:15 am Nigerian time my father did not die on the spot rather he was rushed to Abuja Hospital by unknown soldiers and my father managed to sneak a written message to us, explaining his condition concerning one diplomatic box containing the sum of US$20 Million he deposited in a vault of a security company in South Africa due to the crisis in our country and other vital documents which was meant for his political campaign in the election June 2007.
He instructed me to take my brother and younger sister and leave Nigeria immediately for our safety, which we successfully did and now we are in South Africa with the original documents of deposit intact. Because of the country existing law, which bears asylum seekers / refugee like us to operate an account that exceed US$2000.00 and the fear of money not raising eyebrows here in South Africa, I decided to write to you seek for your help for this money to be transferred into your private bank account as all arrangements for a hitch free transfer have been fully taken care of. I want to assure you also that this transaction is 100% risk free as no other person knows this except my younger brother and I. As for your reward kind assistance we have resolved to give you 20% of the total amount, We planned to invest the rest of the money in your country under your guidance. If you are willing to help us try as much as possible to reach me with the above numbers +27 83 929 3203, to enable us proceed in earnest towards concluding all transactions.
Bear in mind that our lives depend on this fund and we do hope that this money will be safe when finally transferred into your account. I do hope of establishing a rewarding and good relationship with you and your family after this transaction. Hoping to hear from you as soon as possible.
Thanks for your co-operation and God bless.
Best regards,
Prince Johnson Mpoyo
Needless, to say, I immediately emailed Prince Johnson to offer my assistance. He promptly answered, explaining that he would wire the $20 million to my account within days, of which I could keep 20% for my trouble. However, first he needs $100,000 to pre-pay taxes and wire transfer fees. This seems perfectly reasonable to me, but unfortunately I don't have $100,000. However, as a member of LandOverBaptist Church, I know that I can count on my fellow True Christians to help me. Your kind donations for this cause wouldn't cost you anything, as I could pay you all back within the week, with interest. Indeed, with $4 million in my pocket, I could become a platinum tither. Glory, there would be enough cash left over to buy a whole fleet of Jesusmobiles!
So what do you say? This is the opportunity of a lifetime!
Praise the Lord,
Buford
Of course, the clinic is closed on weekends. However, as a soldier in God's Army, my work is 27/7 - I don't have the luxury of taking a day off! So I usually spend Sunday in the city park, using my bullhorn to harangue sinners who should be attending church. It seems to be working - I've noticed that whenever I show up, people quickly vacate the park. Some of them even waive to me, usually with their middle finger prominently displayed - I reckon that's a special Wacko, Texas "thumbs up" hand signal.
Last Sunday, after I cleared out the park, I headed over to a Wal-Mart parking lot where I handed out photos of dead fetuses and used my bullhorn to spread the message of Jesus's love. And that's when I met an interesting fellow named Tom. He was also there to spread the good news of the gospel. However, unlike me, he didn't have a bullhorn, but rather a car which he called a "Jesusmobile":
Tom and I had a great conversation. Coincidentally, it turns out that - just like me- he also spent time in the Happydale Asylum for the Severely Disturbed where he found Jesus. What a small world this is! In fact, I'm sure it wasn't a coincidence at all. The Lord works in mysterious ways, and my "chance" encounter with Tom was certainly pre-arranged by Jesus himself.
So why were Tom and I brought together? The answer came to me suddenly (just like those acid flashbacks I occasionally get) - the Lord was telling me that I too must buy a car and make it into a Jesusmobile. Think about what that would mean! I could mount 3 bullhorns on the roof, and drive all over Wacko and surrounding communities, spreading the word of the Lord to God's wayward children. What a great tool for battling Satan! You might even call it a Jesustank.
Unfortunately, even an old used car in decent condition would probably cost $5000, and that's not including the extra money needed to outfit the vehicle with bullhorns. Plus I would need additional funds for gasoline, maintenance, and a CD player so I could broadcast gospel music in between my sermons. Sadly, I don't have any money. Indeed, I've been out of work ever since my release from the asylum. So I prayed to God - and Hallelujah, my prayers were answered!
Just last night, I was down at the Wacko Rescue Mission soup kitchen, where I use the computer to post on LandOverBaptist, and I checked my email. And right there in my email inbox was the solution to all my problems:
ATTN: DIRECTOR / CEO
I am Prince Johnson Mpoyo the elder son of Prince Dennis Mpoyo, the Former Nigerian personal assistance to Minister for Youth & Gender Equality who is also a businessman and politician, in the Nigerian political arena. My Father was the famous politician who stood firm against the dictatorial government.
Because of my father's sincerity, he was killed on the 14th April 2007 by a planned motor accident along Mashonaland in Western Mashona province of Nigeria.
Sir, when this accident occurred at about 10:15 am Nigerian time my father did not die on the spot rather he was rushed to Abuja Hospital by unknown soldiers and my father managed to sneak a written message to us, explaining his condition concerning one diplomatic box containing the sum of US$20 Million he deposited in a vault of a security company in South Africa due to the crisis in our country and other vital documents which was meant for his political campaign in the election June 2007.
He instructed me to take my brother and younger sister and leave Nigeria immediately for our safety, which we successfully did and now we are in South Africa with the original documents of deposit intact. Because of the country existing law, which bears asylum seekers / refugee like us to operate an account that exceed US$2000.00 and the fear of money not raising eyebrows here in South Africa, I decided to write to you seek for your help for this money to be transferred into your private bank account as all arrangements for a hitch free transfer have been fully taken care of. I want to assure you also that this transaction is 100% risk free as no other person knows this except my younger brother and I. As for your reward kind assistance we have resolved to give you 20% of the total amount, We planned to invest the rest of the money in your country under your guidance. If you are willing to help us try as much as possible to reach me with the above numbers +27 83 929 3203, to enable us proceed in earnest towards concluding all transactions.
Bear in mind that our lives depend on this fund and we do hope that this money will be safe when finally transferred into your account. I do hope of establishing a rewarding and good relationship with you and your family after this transaction. Hoping to hear from you as soon as possible.
Thanks for your co-operation and God bless.
Best regards,
Prince Johnson Mpoyo
Needless, to say, I immediately emailed Prince Johnson to offer my assistance. He promptly answered, explaining that he would wire the $20 million to my account within days, of which I could keep 20% for my trouble. However, first he needs $100,000 to pre-pay taxes and wire transfer fees. This seems perfectly reasonable to me, but unfortunately I don't have $100,000. However, as a member of LandOverBaptist Church, I know that I can count on my fellow True Christians to help me. Your kind donations for this cause wouldn't cost you anything, as I could pay you all back within the week, with interest. Indeed, with $4 million in my pocket, I could become a platinum tither. Glory, there would be enough cash left over to buy a whole fleet of Jesusmobiles!
So what do you say? This is the opportunity of a lifetime!
Praise the Lord,
Buford
ve, Sister Thumper
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