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The question is in the title really. Two have moved into the house across the street from my church. I have tried all the techniques I used on the last one that tried to settle here, but they obviously haven't got the message. I am at a loss. I have already killed their cat, shoved dead rats through their door, burned a cross on their front lawn, and spray painted the words of Christ all over their garden walls.
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Reverend of St. Thaddeus's Church -
Re: Does anyone know any good tips for displacing homers?
Try Imprecatory Prayers from the book of Psalms. They always work for me!
Psalm 69:22-29
Let their table become a snare before them: and that which should have been for their welfare, let it become a trap.
Let their eyes be darkened, that they see not; and make their loins continually to shake.
Pour out thine indignation upon them, and let thy wrathful anger take hold of them.
Let their habitation be desolate; and let none dwell in their tents.
For they persecute him whom thou hast smitten; and they talk to the grief of those whom thou hast wounded.
Add iniquity unto their iniquity: and let them not come into thy righteousness.
Let them be blotted out of the book of the living, and not be written with the righteous.
But I am poor and sorrowful: let thy salvation, O God, set me up on high.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!! -
Re: Does anyone know any good tips for displacing homers?
Do as god teaches, let them live their lives and you live yours.Originally posted by Colbert Mcpherson View Post
The Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn't's"
The Book of Piraticus4. I'd really rather you didn't indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is "go f*** yourself," unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go for a walk for a change.
Chapter 3
1 And he shall make the analogy that just as two completely different alcoholic beverages are equal, all people are equal.
2 Yes, I know it's kind of a leap, but trust me, I'm the FSM.
3 I love all people equally, so no holy wars or gay bashing or anything like that.
4 There's no reason for any of that.Posted via Pasta
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Re: Does anyone know any good tips for displacing homers?
Brother Mcpherson,Originally posted by Colbert Mcpherson View Post
I understand your frustration and the very real threat of disease with Sodomites living so close to your Christian home.
But to be frank, we need to make your appearance just a tad more intimidating! Perhaps if you pulled your golden locks back in a ponytail, shunned whatever is on your head in favor of a Nascar ball cap (worn backwards) and wore a dark pair of Ray Bans, they would realize that you are a serious man of Christ and won't tolerate filthy scum in your neighborhood.
Don't get me wrong, I know you are a sincere Christian, but make these filthy homers scurry like rats when they see you coming.
Yours in Christ!Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."
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Re: Does anyone know any good tips for displacing homers?
Perhaps invite some Christian bikers over for the weekend? You say you killed their cat, do they have a small dog? Most homers replace the ability to have a child with a small dog. You may not of noticed it because they usually carry it in their pants rather than let it walk. (I don't want to know why)
I'm shocked that burning the cross didn't give them a hint. You could take a page from Brother COM's book and put a for sale sign on their lawn.Drama queenComment
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Re: Does anyone know any good tips for displacing homers?
Also keep in mind your duty as a Christian man to be armed at all times as discussed here. I'm not advocating violence in any way. Just a Godly way to be prepared to defend yourself in the (likely) event that one of these homers makes advances toward you.
In your case, I suggest an autoloading 12 gauge.
Yours in Christ!Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."
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Re: Does anyone know any good tips for displacing homers?
Brother Colbert,
Quite the conundrum you have indeed!
Perhaps you have been a little too subtle in your approach up until now.
These sodomites need a good lesson, so why don't you just destroy the home, with them in it? It would be done with God in mind.
2 Kings 23:7
And he brake down the houses of the sodomites, that [were] by the house of the LORD, where the women wove hangings for the grove.
Something to ponder.
YIC,
Mrs.P.Wintersnow
There's Jesus here,
Just see what He offers me....
Down here my sins forgiven,
Up there a home in heaven
Praise God, That's the way for me!!
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Re: Does anyone know any good tips for displacing homers?
The desert is a good idea. But please everyone, stop sending the vile homers here to California. It's great you can get them out of your towns. But they are clogging up our streets like sewer rats.Originally posted by Nobar King View Post
I sent a letter to our great governor suggesting sending them all to an island. He responded "I thought San Francisco was an island". If only.
Deuteronomy 7:26 Neither shalt thou bring an abomination into thine house, lest thou be a cursed thing like it: but thou shalt utterly detest it, and thou shalt utterly abhor it; for it is a cursed thing.
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Re: Does anyone know any good tips for displacing homers?
Brother Colbert
Perhaps you need to adopt a subliminal strategy.
As we all know Homers are irresistibly attracted to pastel colours such as mauve, lemon etc.
Conversely they are automatically repelled by manly and Godly bold primary colours -
With this in mind may I suggest that you begin painting parts or all indeed of your house in the boldest primary colours available including red, white and blue
This will have and immediate effect of revulsion and discomfort for those sodomising deviants that Satan has installed into your street
In addition you could possibly also incorporate some very patriotic and Godly Republican themes with these colours thus demonstrating your own Godliness whilst simultaneously creating even more discomfort for your Homer Democrat type neighbours.
2 Samuel 22:31
As for God, His way is perfect;
The word of the LORD is proven;
He is a shield to all who trust in Him.Comment
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Re: Does anyone know any good tips for displacing homers?
Brother Colbert
May I add that effecting these initiatives will have these disciples of Satan moving out poste haste to move to another location more in sync with their perverted activities……….Say San Francisco
2 Samuel 22:31
As for God, His way is perfect;
The word of the LORD is proven;
He is a shield to all who trust in Him.Comment
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Re: Does anyone know any good tips for displacing homers?
It might take longer but you could kill them with kindness. Befriend them, bite uour lip as you have them over get them a few drinks and get them to tell you how great you are and how happy they are to fit in.. they will offer to be neighborly, take them up on it and every time you do, remind them of their wish to be part of the neighborhood . Kill a deer, dress it on their front lawn. borrow the tires off their car. keep your pet skunk on their new back porch because it was looking like rain and the skunk seemed poorly. Give all the stray dogs a bath in their swimming pool and forget you left the back door open when you went in for towels. Tell Betty Bowers you have somebody who wants to hold a BASH rally at their house, tell them you sure wish they would have all their friends around for cocktails at theirs on the same day....
A couple drinks, an hour of being civil and you will be rewarded with weeks of entertainment.sigpic 1 Chronicles 16:15
Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.
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Re: Does anyone know any good tips for displacing homers?
I thank you for all of your kind responses. I shall try them all out one by one, and keep you posted on this problem as it progresses. And brother Aim, as abhorrent to me as the idea is, if all else fails, I suppose I am willing to lower myself for the good of the neighbourhood.Reverend of St. Thaddeus's ChurchComment
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Re: Does anyone know any good tips for displacing homers?
A 'silver lining' to this challenge, perhaps;
If all else fails, and the homo menace remains lodged in your neighborhood, then you may have to consider moving.
This is not necessarily a bad thing. Please consider a gated community in Freehold, Iowa!
This would be guaranteed 100% homo free, and a wholesome place for you to grow and prosper in God's favor!
Praise Jesus!!
Jud 1:15 To execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are unGodly among them of all their unGodly deeds which they have unGodly committed, and of all their hard [speeches] which unGodly sinners have spoken against him.Comment
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Re: Does anyone know any good tips for displacing homers?
What is this, a huggy bunny conclave of Episcopalians?
You are well within your rights to stone the buggers to death, Bro. Colbert.
Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is an abomination.(Leviticus 18:22 KJV)If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.(Leviticus 20:13 KJV)And if you fail to do your godly duty in this, there are others who will not. Start collecting obsidian now.
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