[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Now some of those "naysayers" as you like to call them, would probably cry out that you just got scammed into a "get-rich-quick scheme". Nothing could be further than the truth. You've simply wisely invested into an "rapid-income-growth program".

You may be able to con a rube, but you can't fool Rubicon!!!

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Praise Jesus, Brother Rubicon! This just goes to show that the Lord will bless his believers with earthly riches. Why do you think I have millions? Because I'm a Godly man, that's why. And I know your fortune is just around the corner, brother. You sound like a very savvy, intelligent individual. You're a smart man who saw a golden opportunity and leaped for it.

Now some of those "naysayers" as you like to call them, would probably cry out that you just got scammed into a "get-rich-quick scheme". Nothing could be further than the truth. You've simply wisely invested into an "rapid-income-growth program".

Now, as you know, I've been in the public eye for decades so I know how to work with people. I'm also in the business of raising funds for our glorious church, so I am a consummate professional when it comes to getting money from otherwise reluctant people.

I normally don't do this, but hey -- you're special! You're intelligent! I can see you going really, really far. Which is why I am offering you my help. I can act as a personal business advisor and spiritual counseler for a mere 20% of every sale. I can teach you the tricks of the trade. I can show you how to get anyone, even a greedy Jew, to donate. I can show you how to sell ice to an eskimo.

I guarantee you will increase your sales at least 50% with my assistance. But you have to act now, as my time is limited.

Thank you Reverend!

I knew if anyone would immediately recognize this opportunity as a gift from God, it would be you!

I accept your offer for help for such a reasonable fee. I just KNOW the millions will be rolling in soon. I've already scrapped the plans for the Gulfstream and am going straight for a wide body airliner like you.

My most pressing need is advice for how to "dress for success". I know you prefer the white suits. Would this be an advantage in making me stand out in the business world? And what's the best "business like" tie knot? Windsor or 4 in hand (I'm still learning them both).

Yours in Christ!

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

You may be able to con a rube, but you can't fool Rubicon!!!

This is PERFECT for my "business" cards!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Don't forget your tithing obligations. 30% of your gross (NOT net; Jesus is hip to that slip) is what God demands.

This will ensure that Jesus rewards your new business venture 100 fold.

[James Dewitt]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

My most pressing need is advice for how to "dress for success". I know you prefer the white suits. Would this be an advantage in making me stand out in the business world? And what's the best "business like" tie knot? Windsor or 4 in hand (I'm still learning them both).

Yours in Christ!

Brother Rubicon, I could not help but notice that you are buying a suit from TJmax and its off the rack. Brother if you are going to be a success in business, you better look the part. I will make a deal with you, swing by a tailor and have a couple of suits made. 100% virgin wool is always a good bet. You will need Italian shoes, silk dress shirts, and some proper ties. I will pick up the tab for now, pay me back with your first big check. The bill should not be more than $10,000 to $15,000. I will only charge a small interest rate, say 21.999% compounded weekly

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Brother Rubicon, I'm so very proud of you! Showing such initiative! Where, they ask, is John Galt? Right here!

Brother, I just happen to be very well-connected here in Indiana, not just in North Salem. Brother, I wouldn't offer this to just anybody, but because I know you're a God-fearing True Christian™, I would in fact be willing to let you bring yourself up to North Salem and introduce you to all the movers and shakers in Indianapolis!

First, you will have to rent a proper car, to demonstrate your Godly image. You should probably reserve at least a Lincoln Town Car with a driver; a limousine would really be the better choice.

I'd offer to meet you at the airport, but then I'd have to leave my car there! The parking gets pricey. No, it's best if you pick me up with the stretch limo you'll be renting. A fellow in my congregation has a lovely machine for his limo service. Keeps it in tip-top shape, he does!



I'm sure he will give you a special rate, you being a good Christian and all. Say, $150 an hour plus his time to drive, at $35/hour, plus fuel and insurance?

A widow in my congregation runs a charming bed and breakfast; I think it'd be the PERFECT place for you to stay on your visit.



Sure, it has a little "deferred maintenance" outside -- what do you expect, she's a widow -- but it's right downtown, walking distance to everything! And inside is absolutely delightful. While she usually charges $375 a night, I've talked her down to $350, just for you! (For that rate, her standard country-style breakfast is not included, but there is a vending machine on the property AND a Christian-owned 7-11 across the way.) As an added bonus, the upstairs windows are mirror-filmed for your privacy! That's why they're reflecting the sky, you see.

While you're here, I'll set up an event with all those Indiana movers and shakers. You can hire the Gonzales clan to cater it for you! They are the epitome of professionalism!



Only $15/person, plus alcohol.

Brother, I just can't wait to help you go multi-state with your business! The members of my congregation are lining up to provide you with their best services at special, "visiting Christian" rates!

When would you like to come? Is next weekend good for you? I can get the church gymnasium ballroom reserved for your event, just PM me your credit card number. The deposit is only $375, and rent for the facility for the whole evening is $1,200, INCLUDING the band!



This cost-effective weekend is guaranteed to get you off to a great start, Brother! Just be sure you come soon, I've already told everyone about your exciting new business venture. You don't want them to think you're giving up already!

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Rev. Rodimer,

I cannot thank you enough for the offers.

It's all a little too much at this time. I HAVE to board the Greyhound by 9 tonight to make it to the function on time.

I have my new suit pressed and learned how to knot my ties.

I've already signed contracts with Reverend Jim for 20 percent and Pastor Ezekial for 30 percent of my gross income.

I might need a breather here as I figure out how to structure my accounts payable before I have any income.

Hope you understand... This business stuff has just overwhelmed me.

I know I'll learn everything this weekend though!

In Christ!

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

What a day!

The bus finally pulled into the Greyhound terminal about one this morning and after a short taxi ride, I was at the Holiday Inn by 1:30. Took a quick look around and WOW!. I would rate this "5 stars". They have a pool, workout room, continental breakfasts, the works. My room was even stocked with what appears to be a large complimentary selection of snacks and liqour! May God bless Tulsa for their hospitality.

Off to bed because I knew that the "Winners Circle" prayer session was at 5:30 AM and the Leadership Seminar begins at 6:00.

Somewhat of a rocky start to the day. 5 AM and I was shaved, showered and dressed in my new suit and tie. Unfortunately, I was somewhat groggy at the breakfast bar and managed to spill a cup of waffle batter on my coat and slacks. I told my upline to go ahead and eat while I cleaned up.

You know, the wrapper on the suit never said "dry clean only". How was I to know? I washed in the hotel laundromat and it didn't come out well, to say the least.

Less than proud of my appearance, I finally made it to the seminar at 7:15. The stares and frowns made me feel like a whore in a Church, but I was determined to get my 800 dollars worth.

The morning testimonials were somewhat ambiguous and vague about how to actually succeed in the business. But the slide shows of the yachts, mansions, negro servants and Ferraris were truly motivational! I KNOW this business is for me and it's only a matter of time until I also have such wealth!

We broke for the "midday recess" and I thoughty I might finally get something to eat. Selfishness indeed. My upline counseled me that "real business people don't eat lunch". We spent the 15 minutes reading Scripture and advising each other on the best ways to recruit strangers on the street and how to convince close family members that we only offer this opportunity out of Christian love.

The afternoon session was MUCH more motivational. Our upline "Diamond", Muriel Platt, spoke on the value of purchasing every single "Business Building" tool for sale in the lobby. In her words; "Sacrifice today for the riches the Lord will bring you tomorrow!". Needless to say, I left with every single book and DVD available. Praise Jesus Christ!

Anyway, I'm back in my room for the next few hours with a bag of Funions and a Coke. Truly too pumped up to eat anyway!

We have a special "strategy session" and bible study meeting with the "Diamonds" tonight at 10:00 PM in their suite (it has TWO queen beds!) And then we start again tomorrow at 6 AM.

Praise Jesus my fellow Christians!

I'll get some photos coming!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

I didn't see any mention of Prayer Circles or Bible Study, Brother....

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

I didn't see any mention of Prayer Circles or Bible Study, Brother....

I apologize Pastor for the lack of capital letters. I'm somewhat a zombie right now. It's been a bit exhausting.

Now my upline tells me that we need to be at Denny's AFTER the 10:00 PM session in the "Diamonds" suite to practice our recruiting strategies.

Doing my best to build this business for Christ.

God Bless and may He give me some strength!

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

My "Upline DOUBLE Diamond", Martin Wong. He's a slant, but a Christian, and that's all that matters!

Kind of hard to understand him with the gook accent and all but he made so much sense today. "God has given you this opportunity! Praise His name! With these tools, God will reward you a hundred fold."

He was Vice President of Marketing for "FreshEggsOnline.com" in 1999 before he gave that up for this opportunity.

Praise Christ in His Name!

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

My "Upline DOUBLE Diamond", Martin Wong. He's a slant, but a Christian, and that's all that matters!

Kind of hard to understand him with the gook accent and all but he made so much sense today. "God has given you this opportunity! Praise His name! With these tools, God will reward you a hundred fold."

He was Vice President of Marketing for "FreshEggsOnline.com" in 1999 before he gave that up for this opportunity.

Praise Christ in His Name!

He sounds like a fine ex-Asian, and with that business experience under his belt, what could go wrong?

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

Doing my best to build this business for Christ.

God Bless and may He give me some strength!

I know you are going to be very busy recruiting new people and talking about the wonderful opportunity.

But, when it fits into your schedule, please come back to Freehold so we can give you a proper parade and a Key to the City.

God Bless

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

I know you are going to be very busy recruiting new people and talking about the wonderful opportunity.

But, when it fits into your schedule, please come back to Freehold so we can give you a proper parade and a Key to the City.

God Bless

Bless you in Christ Mayor John!

I can't wait to bring this opportunity to Freehold!

On a quick break from the Leadership Seminar that wraps up tonight at 8:00. Gotta get back to hear our "Quadruple Emerald" share his motivations with us!!


More soon and Yours in Christ!

[Sister Charli]

Re: I'm An Independant Business Owner!

brother Rubicon,

I note that you refer to some of the upline as being diamonds and emeralds.
Clearly you have been blessed to find this good Christian business as God tells us ...

1 Chronicles 29:2 (King James Version)
2 Now I have prepared with all my might for the house of my God the gold for things to be made of gold, and the silver for things of silver, and the brass for things of brass, the iron for things of iron, and wood for things of wood; onyx stones, and stones to be set, glistering stones, and of divers colours, and all manner of precious stones, and marble stones in abundance.