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  • Martha Chump
    Unsaved trash
    • Oct 2020
    • 86
    #856
    Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

    Once there was a girl named Dorothy. She lived with the Aunt and Uncle and three cousins in Kansas with a little dog named Toto. One day, a tornado came and sucked her house away to a land called Oz. There she met funny little little midgets, a wicked witch, a talking lion, scarecrow and tin man. She had to follow the yellow brick road to find the wonderful wizard of Oz so she could get home. At the Emerald City, the wizard told Dorothy to kill the Wicked Witch of the West, and so she did, and returned, but the wizard was a fraud, and so she had to use the witches slippers to click three times and say, "there's no place like home..."
    When she woke up, she discovered it was a all dream. Her Uncle smacked her silly for sleeping when she should be making him breakfast, like a good girl. He spanked her all the way to the kitchen as he recited Proverbs 13:4 to her.




    I suppose this isn't a joke - this is a warning to young ladies not to drift off and indulge their idle thoughts, and neglect their duties!
    Psalm 19:14 Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.

      Comment

      • Didymus Much
        Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
        • Jun 2010
        • 14076
        #857
        Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

        So imagine Tonto teams up with the Toxic Avenger. What would he call him?

        Chemo Sabe.

          Comment

          • Joanna Lytton-Vasey
            True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
             
            • Jul 2014
            • 8370
            #858
            Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

            A Catlick priest, an Imam and a Rabbit walk together into the blood donation center. The nurse asks “Do you know your blood type?” The Rabbit says “I’m probably a Type O”.
            Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!

              Comment

              • ringobingostarr
                Unsaved trash
                • Feb 2021
                • 8
                #859
                Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                you guys can't even tell funny jokes lmfaooooo
                THE DUNG BEATLES WERE BIGGER THAN BIG BIRD.

                "We're more popular than Big Bird now. I don't know which will go first – rock & roll or Christianity. Big Bird was all right, but his disciples were thick and ordinary. It's Chubby Checkers twisting it that ruins it for me." - JOHN LENNON, 666

                  Comment

                  • James Hutchins
                    True Christian™
                    Just a Regular Nice Guy
                     
                    • Jun 2009
                    • 29443
                    #860
                    Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                    An atheist dies. Standing in the Death Line(c), when he gets to the Booth of Christian Decision(tm) the True Christian(tm) working opens the God Haters file. Stamps with a great big red HELL and the fool goes off to spend eternity of torture and torment. This always cracks me up.
                    Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                    Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                    Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                    Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                    Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                    Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                      Comment

                      • Dr. Anthony J. Toole
                        An old soul
                        True Christian™
                        • Aug 2013
                        • 4867
                        #861
                        Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                        Originally posted by ringobingostarr View Post
                        zero jokes

                        This is the place where you tell a Good, Clean Christian Joke. Weren't you like the 4th best drummer in that Monkees tribute band?
                        If I have seen further, it is by standing on the heads of others.

                          Comment

                          • Dennis Lukes
                            Innkeeper for Christ
                            True Christian™
                            • Dec 2018
                            • 2376
                            #862
                            Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                            Originally posted by ringobingostarr View Post
                            you guys can't even tell funny jokes lmfaooooo
                            You want to hear a funny joke? John Lennon and George Harrison, the two dung beetles who were musically talented, are in Hell right now for mocking Jesus and worshipping Buddha. Their less talented hangers-on Paul McCartney and the other guy will join them before long, to be tortured eternally in the Lake of Fire. You may be able to someday witness a Beatles reunion, Live in Hell, if you don't get right with God, fall down on your knees and worship Him. Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum.
                            I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
                            Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
                            But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
                            From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!

                              Comment

                              • Mary Etheldreda
                                Gushing for Jesus
                                 
                                • Sep 2011
                                • 23775
                                #863
                                Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                                Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                                  Comment

                                  • Didymus Much
                                    Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
                                    • Jun 2010
                                    • 14076
                                    #864
                                    Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                                    A couple of Taliban are on their way to Friday prayers.

                                    Achmed: "I got a new Toyota Hilux for my eldest daughter last week."

                                    Abdul: "Really? Sweet!"

                                    Achmed: "Yeah. I kinda miss her though."

                                      Comment

                                      • Jimmy Kate Dumbardo
                                        Confirmed Enemy of God
                                        • Sep 2021
                                        • 28
                                        #865
                                        Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                                        Why shouldn't you let Prince Andrew look after your daughter?

                                        He'll think babysitting is a sex position.

                                          Comment

                                          • Dr. Anthony J. Toole
                                            An old soul
                                            True Christian™
                                            • Aug 2013
                                            • 4867
                                            #866
                                            Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                                            Originally posted by Deaf Kate View Post
                                            Why shouldn't you let Prince Andrew look after your daughter?

                                            He'll think babysitting is a PORNOGRAPHY DELETED.

                                            Ma'am, I'm not sure what your definition of "clean" is but that kind of potty talk is not welcome on God's favorite website.
                                            If I have seen further, it is by standing on the heads of others.

                                              Comment

                                              • Dr. Anthony J. Toole
                                                An old soul
                                                True Christian™
                                                • Aug 2013
                                                • 4867
                                                #867
                                                Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                                                Two Jews walk into a bar and ask for some water. Why? Because its free, you schmuck!
                                                If I have seen further, it is by standing on the heads of others.

                                                  Comment

                                                  • Dennis Lukes
                                                    Innkeeper for Christ
                                                    True Christian™
                                                    • Dec 2018
                                                    • 2376
                                                    #868
                                                    Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes



                                                    What was Hitler's favorite kind of burger?
                                                    A Nuremberger.

                                                    What's a Jew's favorite Beatles song?
                                                    Penny Lane.
                                                    I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
                                                    Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
                                                    But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
                                                    From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!

                                                      Comment

                                                      • Dennis Lukes
                                                        Innkeeper for Christ
                                                        True Christian™
                                                        • Dec 2018
                                                        • 2376
                                                        #869
                                                        Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                                                        How many pallbearers will Lizzo need at her funeral?

                                                        Just one, the forklift driver.
                                                        I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
                                                        Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
                                                        But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
                                                        From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!

                                                          Comment

                                                          • Dennis Lukes
                                                            Innkeeper for Christ
                                                            True Christian™
                                                            • Dec 2018
                                                            • 2376
                                                            #870
                                                            Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                                                            What is Donald Trump's favorite reading material?MAGAzines.


                                                            If you could punch one celebrity in the face, who would you pick, and why did you pick Lizzo?
                                                            I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
                                                            Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
                                                            But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
                                                            From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!

                                                              Comment

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