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  • #856
    Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

    Once there was a girl named Dorothy. She lived with the Aunt and Uncle and three cousins in Kansas with a little dog named Toto. One day, a tornado came and sucked her house away to a land called Oz. There she met funny little little midgets, a wicked witch, a talking lion, scarecrow and tin man. She had to follow the yellow brick road to find the wonderful wizard of Oz so she could get home. At the Emerald City, the wizard told Dorothy to kill the Wicked Witch of the West, and so she did, and returned, but the wizard was a fraud, and so she had to use the witches slippers to click three times and say, "there's no place like home..."
    When she woke up, she discovered it was a all dream. Her Uncle smacked her silly for sleeping when she should be making him breakfast, like a good girl. He spanked her all the way to the kitchen as he recited Proverbs 13:4 to her.




    I suppose this isn't a joke - this is a warning to young ladies not to drift off and indulge their idle thoughts, and neglect their duties!
    Psalm 19:14 Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.

    Comment

    • #857
      Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

      So imagine Tonto teams up with the Toxic Avenger. What would he call him?

      Chemo Sabe.

      Comment

      • #858
        Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

        A Catlick priest, an Imam and a Rabbit walk together into the blood donation center. The nurse asks “Do you know your blood type?” The Rabbit says “I’m probably a Type O”.
        Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!

        Comment

        • #859
          Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

          you guys can't even tell funny jokes lmfaooooo
          THE DUNG BEATLES WERE BIGGER THAN BIG BIRD.

          "We're more popular than Big Bird now. I don't know which will go first – rock & roll or Christianity. Big Bird was all right, but his disciples were thick and ordinary. It's Chubby Checkers twisting it that ruins it for me." - JOHN LENNON, 666

          Comment

          • #860
            Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

            An atheist dies. Standing in the Death Line(c), when he gets to the Booth of Christian Decision(tm) the True Christian(tm) working opens the God Haters file. Stamps with a great big red HELL and the fool goes off to spend eternity of torture and torment. This always cracks me up.
            Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
            Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
            Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
            Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
            Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
            Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

            Comment

            • #861
              Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

              Originally posted by ringobingostarr View Post
              zero jokes

              This is the place where you tell a Good, Clean Christian Joke. Weren't you like the 4th best drummer in that Monkees tribute band?
              If I have seen further, it is by standing on the heads of others.

              Comment

              • #862
                Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                Originally posted by ringobingostarr View Post
                you guys can't even tell funny jokes lmfaooooo
                You want to hear a funny joke? John Lennon and George Harrison, the two dung beetles who were musically talented, are in Hell right now for mocking Jesus and worshipping Buddha. Their less talented hangers-on Paul McCartney and the other guy will join them before long, to be tortured eternally in the Lake of Fire. You may be able to someday witness a Beatles reunion, Live in Hell, if you don't get right with God, fall down on your knees and worship Him. Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum.
                I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
                Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
                But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
                From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!

                Comment

                • #863
                  Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                  Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                  Comment

                  • #864
                    Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                    A couple of Taliban are on their way to Friday prayers.

                    Achmed: "I got a new Toyota Hilux for my eldest daughter last week."

                    Abdul: "Really? Sweet!"

                    Achmed: "Yeah. I kinda miss her though."

                    Comment

                    • #865
                      Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                      Why shouldn't you let Prince Andrew look after your daughter?

                      He'll think babysitting is a sex position.

                      Comment

                      • #866
                        Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                        Originally posted by Deaf Kate View Post
                        Why shouldn't you let Prince Andrew look after your daughter?

                        He'll think babysitting is a PORNOGRAPHY DELETED.

                        Ma'am, I'm not sure what your definition of "clean" is but that kind of potty talk is not welcome on God's favorite website.
                        If I have seen further, it is by standing on the heads of others.

                        Comment

                        • #867
                          Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                          Two Jews walk into a bar and ask for some water. Why? Because its free, you schmuck!
                          If I have seen further, it is by standing on the heads of others.

                          Comment

                          • #868
                            Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes



                            What was Hitler's favorite kind of burger?
                            A Nuremberger.

                            What's a Jew's favorite Beatles song?
                            Penny Lane.
                            I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
                            Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
                            But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
                            From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!

                            Comment

                            • #869
                              Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                              How many pallbearers will Lizzo need at her funeral?

                              Just one, the forklift driver.
                              I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
                              Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
                              But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
                              From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!

                              Comment

                              • #870
                                Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

                                What is Donald Trump's favorite reading material?MAGAzines.


                                If you could punch one celebrity in the face, who would you pick, and why did you pick Lizzo?
                                I was sinking deep in sin far from the peaceful shore,
                                Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more;
                                But the Master of the Sea heard my despairing cry,
                                From the waters lifted me, now safe am I!

                                Comment

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