[James Dewitt]

Re: God, hemorrhoids and sinners.

Brother Tannor and Mayor Hold
I request that you give the ban on Hemorrhoid Products some more consideration. We have a sting operation set up and running. Anyone purchasing the items are identified immediately as sinners. If we ban said products we will simply drive the offenders back into the shadows, where they will continue to live among us. If we identify the offenders we then have a chance to drive the demons from their rectums, isn't that what Jesus wants us to do? YIC James Dewitt.

PS I agree on the ban of the above mentioned produce and might I suggest adding fingerling potatoes.

[HTannor]

Re: God, hemorrhoids and sinners.

Brother Tannor and Mayor Hold
I request that you give the ban on Hemorrhoid Products some more consideration. We have a sting operation set up and running. Anyone purchasing the items are identified immediately as sinners. If we ban said products we will simply drive the offenders back into the shadows, where they will continue to live among us. If we identify the offenders we then have a chance to drive the demons from their rectums, isn't that what Jesus wants us to do? YIC James Dewitt.

PS I agree on the ban of the above mentioned produce and might I suggest adding fingerling potatoes.

Brother DeWitt, are you asking that we cancel action on the proposed ordinance or just delay it?


(I completely agree with banning those disgusting fingerling potatoes - they send a shiver up my spine. But in all hosesty, they do look quite tasty - but for eating only! Not probing)

[James Dewitt]

Re: God, hemorrhoids and sinners.

=HTannor;664793]

Brother DeWitt, are you asking that we cancel action on the proposed ordinance or just delay it?

Just a delay of say 3 months. In that time we can identify unknown sinners, once we have compiled a list we can then put the ban inplace.

(I completely agree with banning those disgusting fingerling potatoes - they send a shiver up my spine. But in all hosesty, they do look quite tasty - but for eating only! Not probing)

Its a wonder that we can have any food that is shaped in any way like a tallywacker. The damn Homers and sluts will use anything they can get their hands on or around to defile themselves.

[HTannor]

Re: God, hemorrhoids and sinners.

I agree with the delay, Brother DeWitt.


Mr. Mayor, I have drawn up a proposal that should meet the city's needs:

General Provision Prohibiting Certain Products Used for Sexual Perversions.

No person may purchase any over-the-counter ointment, cream, or suppository designed to relieve or cure hemorrhoidal itch when such product can also be used to provide pleasure in its application.

No person may purchase any fresh vegetables offered for sale as human sustenance if the purchaser knowingly wants to use such products for carnal purposes. This provision applies to all vegetables that emulate the length and girth of human male hoo-hoos.

Penalties for Violation of this Ordnance.

Each purchase shall be subject to a fine of $1,000 and 30 days in jail. In addition the violator will be required to purchase a full page display in the local newspaper confessing to his or her perversion complete with photographs of the violator and the offending product, a description of how the product was used, and an internet link to an MP3 recording of the sounds uttered while using it.

[James Dewitt]

Re: God, hemorrhoids and sinners.

Judge Tannor and Mayor Hold. You might give some thought to Kielbasa. Perhaps a law allowing ONLY True Christians to purchase these types of food. You know what happens when a homer or a whore buys these don't you?

[HTannor]

Re: God, hemorrhoids and sinners.

Excellent point, Brother DeWitt.

I have revised the proposed ordnance accordingly:

General Provision Prohibiting Certain Products Used for Sexual Perversions.

No person* may purchase any over-the-counter ointment, cream, or suppository designed to relieve or cure hemorrhoidal itch when such product can also be used to provide pleasure in its application.

No person* may purchase any fresh vegetables offered for sale as human sustenance if the purchaser knowingly wants to use such products for carnal purposes. This provision applies to all vegetables that emulate the length and girth of human male hoo-hoos.

No person* may purchase any tubular-shaped meat products offered for sale as human sustenance if the purchaser knowingly wants to use such products for carnal purposes. Said products include, but are not limited to, kielbasa, sausage (beef, pork, or turkey), summer sausages, and ball-park wieners. There is a further prohibition against the sale of Hormel Little Sizzlers to fag midgets.


*These prohibitions do not apply to True Christians.

Penalties for Violation of this Ordnance.

Each purchase shall be subject to a fine of $1,000 and 30 days in jail. In addition the violator will be required to purchase a full page display in the local newspaper confessing to his or her perversion complete with photographs of the violator and the offending product, a description of how the product was used, and an internet link to an MP3 recording of the sounds uttered while using it. (If the offender is a midget, they may purchase a half-page.)

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: God, hemorrhoids and sinners.

Excellent work Brother Tanner and helpful input Brother Dewitt. This is important progress toward making our City a Godly and healthy place.

I really like the idea of a sting operation. You see so many people who infiltrate our fine City (not to mention this site) and think they are smarter than we are.

Pleasure seekers, you are in for a big surprise.

JJH