Funny story - the wife's in jail!

[Brother Enoch]

Ah, this is a good one. Me and her will laugh about it for years to come.

Anyway, as you all know I married an Eskimo. So tonight we were on our way back from evening worship when I hit ice coming up on an intersection, and slid right into it. That wouldn't normally be a problem driving a Chevy Suburban, but a Ford Escalade creamed me on the driver's side. Smacked my head hard into my door window, shattering it (the window, not my head). Knocked me out cold with a good gash on my left temple. Blood everywhere.

Anyway, I was out cold at that point but my 14 year old half-eskimo son told me what happened after. He was in the back middle seats, and wasn't hurt. He thinks this is hilarious too. Cops and an ambulance were on the scene in minutes and carted me away. Well, my wife was acting all hysterical yelling 'Enoch! Enoch! Don't leave me! Don't leave me!' I guess she thought I was dying. But the cops thought it was a domestic dispute because I was trying to leave her and she caused the accident.

Anyway, she tried to fight her way through the paramedics to get to me and when the cops tried to grab her she fought them too. My boy told me the cops called her a crazy drunken squaw as they forced in the back of the squad car!

So now she's in the drunk tank charged with public drunkenness (she only had one glass of wine at dinner before we went to church, 5 hours ago!) . assaulting officers of the peace, resisting arrest and attempted murder (for trying to kill me!).

So I wake up in the ambulance and at the hospital they check me out. I got a good knock to the head, but it's not a concussion. The gash took 6 stitches to close up. Not very serious, but it bled a lot. Back home now. I was going to go down to the police station and straighten things out and get the wife home, but I'm a bit tired and heck it's quiet without her around. I'll get her tomorrow morning. Well afternoon at the latest.

Ah. making memories. Good times.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Funny story - the wife's in jail!

Ah, this is a good one. Me and her will laugh about it for years to come.

Anyway, as you all know I married an Eskimo. So tonight we were on our way back from evening worship when I hit ice coming up on an intersection, and slid right into it. That wouldn't normally be a problem driving a Chevy Suburban, but a Ford Escalade creamed me on the driver's side. Smacked my head hard into my door window, shattering it (the window, not my head). Knocked me out cold with a good gash on my left temple. Blood everywhere.

Anyway, I was out cold at that point but my 14 year old half-eskimo son told me what happened after. He was in the back middle seats, and wasn't hurt. He thinks this is hilarious too. Cops and an ambulance were on the scene in minutes and carted me away. Well, my wife was acting all hysterical yelling 'Enoch! Enoch! Don't leave me! Don't leave me!' I guess she thought I was dying. But the cops thought it was a domestic dispute because I was trying to leave her and she caused the accident.

Anyway, she tried to fight her way through the paramedics to get to me and when the cops tried to grab her she fought them too. My boy told me the cops called her a crazy drunken squaw as they forced in the back of the squad car!

So now she's in the drunk tank charged with public drunkenness (she only had one glass of wine at dinner before we went to church, 5 hours ago!) . assaulting officers of the peace, resisting arrest and attempted murder (for trying to kill me!).

So I wake up in the ambulance and at the hospital they check me out. I got a good knock to the head, but it's not a concussion. The gash took 6 stitches to close up. Not very serious, but it bled a lot. Back home now. I was going to go down to the police station and straighten things out and get the wife home, but I'm a bit tired and heck it's quiet without her around. I'll get her tomorrow morning. Well afternoon at the latest.

Ah. making memories. Good times.

As long as she is in the slammer, care to come down to the Keys for a week or two? Today it was 81deg and sunny. Sister Lycia makes a mean Margarita and I have to tell ya she has made a few great pies.

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Funny story - the wife's in jail!

As long as she is in the slammer, care to come down to the Keys for a week or two? Today it was 81deg and sunny. Sister Lycia makes a mean Margarita and I have to tell ya she has made a few great pies.

Ah, but that I could, Brother James.

I still haven't straightened out that small matter with the American authorities from when I attempted to Save(tm) that lost 'lady of the night' in Detroit a few years back. Kidnapping? No. I just wanted to take her somewhere where I could fill her full of Christ's love. But she got out of the trunk and made a big deal out of it. So now if I attempt to cross the border into Godly America, I'll be instantly arrested by border guards.

Truly, to be Christian is to be persecuted.

[Janine Walker]

Re: Funny story - the wife's in jail!

As long as she is in the slammer, care to come down to the Keys for a week or two? Today it was 81deg and sunny. Sister Lycia makes a mean Margarita and I have to tell ya she has made a few great pies.

I'm so jealous! It's 22 degrees here and my brother always thinks it's funny to chuck ice in my face .

I must say as a female I've never made a pie and I wish someone would teach me..

In Jesus, Janine Walker

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Funny story - the wife's in jail!

Praise Jesus you weren't seriously hurt, brother! It sounds like God gave you a blessing in disguise. You were rewarded with a quick little vacation from that shrew. Just make sure you're perfectly okay before going down to the station to retrieve her. Don't go if you still feel a little sore or dizzy...she can wait. Heck, you might even want to take Brother James up on his offer. As you know I'm down here with him and the boys and we're in no rush to get back to those brutal Freehold winters.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Funny story - the wife's in jail!

Ah, but that I could, Brother James.

I still haven't straightened that small matter with the American authorities from when I attempted to Save that lost 'lady of the night' in Detroit a few years back. Kidnapping? No. I just wanted to take her somewhere where I could fill her full of Christ's love. But she got out of the trunk and made a big deal out of it. So now if I attempt to cross the border into Godly America, I'll be instantly arrested by border guards.

Truly, to be Christian is to be persecuted.

What a shame, Rev Jim and I are planning a few visits to Homer bars. Its so much fun telling them that are going to hell. The color just drains out of their faces when Rev. Jim gets on a roll. The other day he had two of them in tears, begging him to save them from Satan.
Are you allowed in the Bahamas? I have a home there as well. Its just a short flight. So how long you going to let her sit in the slammer. My ex-wife(the slut) was busted years ago for parking tickets, I let her sit for 14 days.

Any way how is that idiot son of mine doing?

[James Dewitt]

Re: Funny story - the wife's in jail!

I'm so jealous! It's 22 degrees here and my brother always thinks it's funny to chuck ice in my face .

I must say as a female I've never made a pie and I wish someone would teach me..

In Jesus, Janine Walker

You poor young lady, how cruel. What a shame on one has tasted your pie.

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Funny story - the wife's in jail!

Just an update, and this is one of those funny things we'll laugh about in years to come!

Seems because of the holiday season (we're not allowed to say Christmas in Canada) the courts are backlogged. My wife won't have a bail hearing until Friday!

This would actually be a disaster if didn't already have 4 daughters who can take over her duties. Instead it's a vacation. From her mouth.

Any way how is that idiot son of mine doing?

He seems a lot happier now, James, since he has (mostly) recovered from the Godly beating me and my son inflicted on him. Once we annulled his marriage to my somewhat retarded 15 year old, and remarried him to my 13 year old not-retarded daughter (that he impregnated) he seems much happier. But he lets my daughter push him around, always. He does not seem able to stand up to the force of her Bitch. I fear for the child soon to arrive.

[HTannor]

Re: Funny story - the wife's in jail!

Such a pity she isn't in my jurisdiction, Brother Enoch.

I'm sure you and I could have worked out an "amicable" agreement directly related to how much time you want her to cool her heels.

[Dittohead4life!]

Re: Funny story - the wife's in jail!

Make sure to have some "home correction" ready for when you collect her. It is quite humorous the spectacle she made (I showed this post to my wife and she chuckled) but she may get it into her head to do it again for attention. Ive found several sharp ticks to the kidneys with a broom handle will wise her up and keep her on her toes.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Funny story - the wife's in jail!

He seems a lot happier now, James, since he has (mostly) recovered from the Godly beating me and my son inflicted on him. Once we annulled his marriage to my somewhat retarded 15 year old, and remarried him to my 13 year old not-retarded daughter (that he impregnated) he seems much happier. But he lets my daughter push him around, always. He does not seem able to stand up to the force of her Bitch. I fear for the child soon to arrive.

Brother I clean forgot. Has the Grandson arrived? As to my boys lack of spine, its my fault for letting his mother raise him. I had hoped that the north woods would make a man out of him. At worst case scenario a tragic hunting trip might happen. Please tell me that we have a grandson.

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Funny story - the wife's in jail!

Brother I clean forgot. Has the Grandson arrived? As to my boys lack of spine, its my fault for letting his mother raise him. I had hoped that the north woods would make a man out of him. At worst case scenario a tragic hunting trip might happen. Please tell me that we have a grandson.

Oh crap! I completely forgot about the wife!

Thanks for reviving this thread brother, I'll tell you all about your boy (don't worry he's coming along nicely) and his almost-bastard progeny tomorrow. Right now I've got to call the judge and get her out of there. I know a judge who owes me a favor. Could have done that at the start, of course, but I wanted to teach her a lesson.

It was only supposed to be for a few days, but then I completely forgot (things were so peaceful). Damn, gotta go..

[James Dewitt]

Re: Funny story - the wife's in jail!

Oh crap! I completely forgot about the wife!

Thanks for reviving this thread brother, I'll tell you all about your boy tomorrow (don't worry he's coming along nicely). Right now I've got to call the judge and get her out of there. I know a judge who owes me a favor. Could have done that at the start, but I wanted to teach her a lesson.

It was only supposed to be for a few days, but then I completely forgot (things were so peaceful). Damn, gotta go..

Hide the knives, she is going to be mad. Them eskimos got a real bad temper. Good luck brother, I will pray for you.

[HTannor]

Re: Funny story - the wife's in jail!

Right now I've got to call the judge and get her out of there. I know a judge who owes me a favor.

I signed her release an hour ago.

You owe me a couple of polar bear steaks.

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Funny story - the wife's in jail!

I signed her release an hour ago.

You owe me a couple of polar bear steaks.

I owe you.

Polar bear steaks are a fine choice. I remember the first one I grilled. As it was sizzling my wife looked over my shoulder and asked, 'How do you like that global warming, Nanuk?' Ah, good times.

I'll see if I can get Sister Kitty to send me down some polar bear steaks from Nunavut, I understand her husband is picking off quite a few bears at the town's garbage dump. I'll be asking her for some muktuq as well (raw whale blubber), I need it to make up for things with the wife - she loves the stuff. It's like crack for Eskimos. Would you like me to send some of that along as well? It's a fine gift for people you can't stand but have to buy a gift for anyway.