Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today!

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today

Praise! Now that sounds like the kind of groovy idea that today's youth will really think is "Exceptionally wizard*, dude!"

* Wizard here is being used as a piece of harmless teen slang, and has no actual connection to Satan's Dark Arts.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today

What a wonderful, original idea that you have come up with Sister Lycia! I have no doubt many of the problems we face in this world (hurricanes, tornadoes, stock market and economic collapses, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan) are due to God being angry and punishing us for allowing wanton premarital sex to happen among youth. I'd be more than happy to volunteer to devote my time to helping young women in your group learn to protect themselves against the temptation of fornication.

[Lycia The Repentant]

Hey kids! Have you ever had to sit in your fifth grade class and listen to your atheist schoolmates drone on and on about how much they hate God and love making him angry by fornicating all the time? Did you then think to yourself "I hate how so many people in the world would rather spit on Baby Jesus than accept His gift of Salvation, but I don't know what I can do to stop it."? Well, I am pleased to announce the formation of a super-cool True Christian™ club that's dedicated to stopping all forms of sexual Godmockery and keeping kids pure until they enter a marriage that can only be left through the most byzantine of circumstances! I'm talking about the Junior Anti-Sex League!



So what is the Junior Anti-Sex League? Why, we're a group of only the coolest youths who are interested in stopping all fornication by attacking it at it's source; by banning birth control and any sexual education that isn't abstinence-only! Here's our mission statement:

"Our mission: To work towards a world where Biblical precepts regarding fornication are rigidly enforced, where marital sex is to be looked on as a disgusting minor operation, and where our children are protected from the corrupting message of any educational approach that doesn't view total abstinence before marriage as the ONLY correct answer!"

Shout Glory! Doesn't that just sound awesome? I might even go so far as to say it's totally radical.

Now, in addition to being a member of a group that's comprised of the coolest kids on the block who like to pay special attention to the parts of the Bible mentioning the wickedness of fornicators (Proverbs 2, 5, 7 and 9 come to mind immediately!), every full member of the Junior Anti-Sex League will receive a red sash to wear around their waist so they can show the world not only how seriously cool they are, but how serious they are about saving it for marriage!

So what are you waiting for, kids? Join the Junior Anti-Sex League today!