Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

[eliot mayfield]

Glory be!
I get to meet Jesus soon! Yes, God has blessed me with an incurable illness. Can you imagine my joy? I am praying the floorboards through and I am just as happy as a, well, words just can’t describe it!
Can a non-believer even comprehend what I must be feeling? Think about it, Jesus! Do you think I’ll get to meet him right away, or in a week or two, or how long? And who else? I’m so really amazed. I mean who else will be there? You never know who had secrets in the closet and found themselves in Hell.

It’s not going to be easy, they say it isn’t pleasant at all what I have. Basically I’ll drown in my own pheglm. But, if God wants me to, then I am not going to begin to question him. Wow, I just can’t get over it! It does make me sad that I’ll leave a lot of friends, but Hey! As far as eternity goes, you’ll be there before I know it!

We’ve all been internet friends, but just think of it, A big Landover Party with Jesus! I am a little nervous, because it will be scary, but we all know , “The Lord is my shepard!”

Now, one item. We know my cousin didn’t make it. Yet, she worked as hard as any of us, without question and knowing she would burn in Hell. That is faith in action. Could the people of Landover please build just a small garden or something in Ellymae’s honor? It would mean a lot.

I wonder what it will be like? Who will be there? I know people in Heaven don’t just hang around waiting for each new arrival, but who will greet me? This is where it all pays off. All those years of rebuking and praying and preaching and being harrassed and spit at and sneered at and all those things we go through everyday, are nothing compared to the joy of being:
Heaven Bound!!!!!

Heaven bound and up,
I’m going where it is all fine!
I showed ol’ Satan
He didn’t get my soul,
I’m going up
and not in some hole.
(sung to Smokey and the Bandit)

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

Dear Brother Mayfield,

I'm very new to this Godly community, and consequently have none but the lowest status here yet. However, I would be supremely honored if you would please accept my humble, heart-felt congratulations on your imminent meeting with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

If you will permit me to offer some few words of comfort to address your nervousness: It is the physical act of dying that will be, as you say, unpleasant. There is a axiom that goes, "Keep your eyes on the prize." In your case, the prize is the Ultimate Prize--the Gift that keeps on giving. If there is physical pain involved, I am sure that the good pastors at Landover Baptist and your own excellent physicians will be able to comfortably numb you to it.

As to when you will meet Him--there is no true way to know. I have read reports from people who have "died" and been revived and who have claimed that during that time when they were "brain-dead" they met Jesus.

Who will be there to greet you? I cannot conclusively answer that question, either. Some people have reported seeing departed relatives and friends; others have stated that angels have taken them "through the Light." (I would suspect that these latter were nigras; Brother Remy's thread about Negroid accomplishments has enlightened me about the ensoulment of people of color.)

Again, Brother Mayfield, I congratulate you and shall be praying for a merciful, peaceful passing for your immortal soul from this "mortal coil." All praise to Him Who has decreed such a condition as you describe for your leavetaking from this Earth!

[Talitha]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

Brother Mayfield that's Truly Awesome!!!

Congratulations on contracting this incurable Illness. I am so very jealous that you'll be reaching Jesus before me.

You must be very special to Jesus if he's decided to kill you in such a horrible disgusting way drowning in Phlegm and all.

It's not at all contagious like AIDS and stuff IS IT??


Oh.................. Say "HI" to HIM from me.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

No, not contagious.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

Congratulations Brother E! I've got a message for Jesus that I'd like you to pass along for me. I'd like Him to smite one of my servants mightily for making my morning biscuits too heavy and I've just about had it with her. I'll write her name down for you later.

Praise Jesus, and save me a place at the right hand of the Lord at that eternal barbecue in Heaven!

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

I'll be taking as many messages as possible. Must be sad for an atheist to die. I'm sure they get really afraid, and then
Surprise!
They see they were wrong and fall into the fierey lake!

[sinner]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

Glory be!
I get to meet Jesus soon! Yes, God has blessed me with an incurable illness. Can you imagine my joy?

Are you sure your illness is of the incurable kind that will kill you? There are incurable illnesses such as hemorrhoids or herpes that while incurable will not get you a day closer to the Lord than if you had lice or nail fongus, you know.

Having said that, however, if jealousy weren't a sin, I'd be green with envy right now at your prospect of being with Him sooner than scheduled, basking in all His glory for eternity and beyond.

Lucky and blessed be thee, brother! Ahmen!

__________________________




"Word 6.66 - Word Processor of the Beast"

[sinner]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

I'll be taking as many messages as possible. Must be sad for an atheist to die. I'm sure they get really afraid, and then
Surprise!
They see they were wrong and fall into the fierey lake!

Brother, those who say that Atheists are all dressed up but with no place to go are sadly mistaken!

____________________________


By cubaneyes

"i66686 - CPU of the Beast"

[SUV]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

Well, you Lucky Duck!!! On the Road to JESUS CAMP!!!

So could you tell Him that I said, why isn't there something Special made to spray on sliding screen doors so they don't stick?

If you like, I'll get my knees Right now to urge Him to Call You Home even sooner - GLORY!!!

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

SUV, try pam spray. It's quicker than waitting for me.

Ok, That's Zeke and SUV. Anyother messages?

My breathing is getting more laborious, but it could be this chemical facotory near me. I thought I was going last weekend, but it was a false alarm.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

Skould I allow them to hook me up to a machine or make out one of these living will things?

[Nobar King]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

The machines are good for a while, a couple of glory weeks, but it gets old after a while.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

The other patients at the doctor's office said I should try homeopathic medicene!?

sounds like something a gay narrowpathy would use.
Just doesn't sound right to me.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

The other patients at the doctor's office said I should try homeopathic medicene!?

sounds like something a gay narrowpathy would use.
Just doesn't sound right to me.

What on earth is homer medicine? Stuff that gives you the AIDS? I'd steer clear of that, brother.

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Hello Jesus! I'm on my way!

Brother Eliot, the best suggestion I can give you is to read your Holy Bible. It will comfort you, elighten you, and ease your pain. And who knows--there may be a pop quiz when you get to the Other Side, and things will go much better for you if you've reviewed the text at the last minute before your senses dim and your organs fail you and you begin to drown in your own body fluids, because you certainly won't be much good then!