I want to be a christian

[Spazo the Troll]

I want to become a Christian - I grew up hearing the Christian stories, but didn't believe them... but after my uncle died in a gun fight I fear the wrath of god. How do I learn more about god so I can better understand him? I don't want to read the bible because it's boring and really old sounding, can I still learn about god in other ways?

What are some of the lifestyle changes that I have to make?

[Talitha]

Re: I want to be a christian

I want to become a Christian - I grew up hearing the Christian stories, but didn't believe them... but after my uncle died in a gun fight I fear the wrath of god. How do I learn more about god so I can better understand him? I don't want to read the bible because it's boring and really old sounding, can I still learn about god in other ways?

What are some of the lifestyle changes that I have to make?

You need to stop Trolling Christian Forums with silly Usernames.

[Spazo the Troll]

Re: I want to be a christian

I wanted a username that sounded holy and like I'm really into Christianity, so that you guys would like me. No one likes me. Does god like me? Or does he hate me by default until I read the bibble? Please help me by answering my question.

[Miss Maisie]

Re: I want to be a christian

Are you mocking God's holy writ, honey? That ain't how you spell bible. God don't like blasphemers.

[Spazo the Troll]

Re: I want to be a christian

Why did you change my nmae to Spazo the troll? It used to be Spazo the prophet.

Okay I get it, do I need to start paying money to be Christian before god likes me and people on this forum begin to accept me?

Why isn't anyone answering my questions?

[Miss Maisie]

Re: I want to be a christian

Jesus don't like trolls.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I want to be a christian

Why did you change my nmae to Spazo the troll? It used to be Spazo the prophet.

Okay I get it, do I need to start paying money to be Christian before god likes me and people on this forum begin to accept me?

Why isn't anyone answering my questions?

Because your questions are absurd, so far.

How old are you? Are you some sort of cripple? What sorts of perversion do you get up to? Have you ever even opened a Bible?

We can't take you seriously until we know more about you.

[Spazo the Troll]

Re: I want to be a christian

How much does it cost to be a Christian by the way? And where do I pay? Are they monthly fees? I've got lots of money.

[Spazo the Troll]

Re: I want to be a christian

What do you want to know about me? I can tell you everything you want to know, there are some things you might not believe though.

Why can't you guys have a little faith? I am real.

I don't want to go to hell, so I have decided that I need god in my life.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I want to be a christian

How much does it cost to be a Christian by the way? And where do I pay? Are they monthly fees? I've got lots of money.

Jesus commands us to give a minimum of 10% of our gross income.

Lev 27:32 And concerning the tithe of the herd, or of the flock, [even] of whatsoever passeth under the rod, the tenth shall be holy unto the LORD.

Num 18:26 Thus speak unto the Levites, and say unto them, When ye take of the children of Israel the tithes which I have given you from them for your inheritance, then ye shall offer up an heave offering of it for the LORD, [even] a tenth [part] of the tithe.

Mal 3:8 Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.

Just click on that shiny Paypal button at the bottom of this page. U.S. Dollars only.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I want to be a christian

Because your questions are absurd, so far.

How old are you? Are you some sort of cripple? What sorts of perversion do you get up to? Have you ever even opened a Bible?

We can't take you seriously until we know more about you.

What do you want to know about me? I can tell you everything you want to know, there are some things you might not believe though.

Why can't you guys have a little faith? I am real.

I don't want to go to hell, so I have decided that I need god in my life.

You still haven't answered my questions above.

[Spazo the Troll]

Re: I want to be a christian

What is the rod? Am I under it now?

Anyways, wow, that is quite alot of money. The government taxes as much as 45% of my earnings, so relatively speaking that is okay, so long as it saves me from hell... are donations to the church tax deductible in Australia? I know that charitable donations are, so would it be okay if I just donated to homeless kids? After all, the money goes straight there from the Church right? Provided that they are Christian homeless kids of course... I must fear the wrath of the tax office.

What is the rod?

[Miss Maisie]

Re: I want to be a christian

What a Godless place Australia must be, judging by the examples I've seen here at this forum lately. Oh, my, but I never wish to go there!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I want to be a christian

What is the rod? Am I under it now?

Anyways, wow, that is quite alot of money. The government taxes as much as 45% of my earnings, so relatively speaking that is okay, so long as it saves me from hell... are donations to the church tax deductible in Australia? I know that charitable donations are, so would it be okay if I just donated to homeless kids? After all, the money goes straight there from the Church right? Provided that they are Christian homeless kids of course... I must fear the wrath of the tax office.

What is the rod?

Who is "rod?" Your fag boyfriend? Try and make sense.

I don't know the first thing about taxes in Austria. Do you even have a government there?

Answer my questions, pal. I'm thinking that I might be wasting my time with you....

[Spazo the Troll]

Re: I want to be a christian

I'm 25 and no I am not crippled. Thank the lord. I'm not sure what constitutes perversions but I have sex at least several times a year, depending on whether I am meeting new girls. Is that blasfomus? Yes I've opened the bible but like I said before I found it boring.. e.g ye hath noth douth good samariton on donkey etc, it's like reading shakespeare, I just don't understand it. Why do you ask if I'm a cripple? That sounds rather cruel...

Also what is a hail mary? I heard it in a tupac song... but I know I can't listen to him anymore, because he is a gangster. I'll throw out all my tupac CDs tonight!