[WickedWitch]

Re: Unsaved Trash

Alas tis true. At the ripe age of 18, and as a good Christian boy, it is my duty now to seek out a good Christian wife. All your advances have eluded to me that perhaps you wish to compete for that position. Sure, why not?

As a good Christian I'm sure this is just your way of showing an interest in marriage.

Seeing as OEJ has shunned me for nearly 4 years now (dear Gods, have I really been here that long?). And Sally The Grounch backed out just days before the ceremony was supposed to take place (says I'm too kinky for him, poor boy was intimidated). I see no reason why you and I shouldn't make a go of it.

Well? What are you waiting for? Propose already!

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Unsaved Trash

With all due respect--actually, there is none due here, but as a True Christian(tm) lady I am courteous--this is the General Church Fellowship section, not the Unsaved Trash(c) Hookup Streetcorner and Brothel. Please take your disgusting "advances" elsewhere, you sickening little rodents!

[WickedWitch]

Re: Unsaved Trash

With all due respect--actually, there is none due here, but as a True Christian™ lady I am courteous--this is the General Church Fellowship section, not the Unsaved Trash© Hookup Streetcorner and Brothel. Please take your disgusting "advances" elsewhere, you sickening little rodents!

Truly sorry, Fair Sister, I certainly had no intentions of offending your delicate True Christian sensibilities. But I'm sure that you can understand that as a wanton and rather lusty young lady, my, ahem, appetite is rather difficult to control. Shall Mr. McKain and I take this courtship to the Singles Lounge?

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Re: Unsaved Trash

But I'm sure that you can understand that as a wanton and rather lusty young lady, my, ahem, appetite is rather difficult to control. Shall Mr. McKain and I take this courtship to the Singles Lounge?

And you wonder why OEJ avoids you like the plague....

I feel like I'm reading a cheap five cent romance novel (I only speculate since I am quite sure Jesus would not approve of such an action).

Don't worry I'm sure that all of the unsaved trash on this forum will have plenty of time to convene in Hell.

[WickedWitch]

Re: Unsaved Trash

And you wonder why OEJ avoids you like the plague....

*Gasps* He does NOT! That was completely uncalled for! Are you trying to hurt me? Are you trying to break my heart? *Bursts into tears*

[Enigmatic Harpo Marx]

Re: Unsaved Trash

*Gasps* He does NOT!

Really?

Maybe you should take a look back at all of your "offers" and see just exactly what the response is...

SPOILER: You're not going to like what you see.

Not that OEJ is to blame of course, unsaved heathen that you are, but for the love of God, take a hint!

If you accepted Jesus you probably wouldn't have such a hard go of it (though from how things have gone with OEJ it doesn't look like you're really making anything hard if you catch my drift).

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Unsaved Trash

Whether Internet/internet should be capitalized or not is a debatable point. Alas, it has little relevance or significance so I shan't proceed to engage.

It's not debatable, you little punk. I say it should be capitalized; therefore, you WILL capitalize it. Even if I were to overlook this particular solecism, there were still SIX other mistakes you made in that two-sentence post.

I don't want any more sass from you, junior. That's your ONLY warning.

[Peter McKain]

Re: Unsaved Trash

My B yo; just try'n to k33p it R34L uP N H33r

Ima stop dat shiz froms hapn'n agin; yhear.

INTERNET

Dang shortie dat was tight!

[One-eyed Jack]

Re: Unsaved Trash

I do not avoid Miss Undecided; she is a sweet and dear young woman who needs to fall into the arms of the Savior. And also a proper Christian man of her own age. One who does not dine on boiled cabbage stew and cheap beer, thus avoiding the cost of hiring an exterminator to bomb his house for fleas. If you catch my drift.

But this other young chap, this Peter McKain...

A word of advice. Brother Hatchet walks closely with Jesus, and has a formidable knowledge of words and The Word as well.

Excellent speech becometh not a fool: much less do lying lips a prince. Proverbs 17:7

A comely sentence is pleasing before the Lord. We honor not the L33t nor the chatspeak.

Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man. Colossians 4:6

So I'm gonna hafta pray for your soul.

OH LORD! Let down some of your Holiness into this here young 'un, Peter McKain. SHEW forth thy merciful righteousness and let Your mighty inspiration put wasps in his fingertips and light a fire of righteousness in his mind. Slap him UPSIDE THE HEAD, Lord! Lay a spiritual whoopin' on him, that he may find righteous words and apt phrases, as spoken of by Your latter-time servants, Strunk and White.

Amen, Lord! AMEN!

~~ OEJ

[Peter McKain]

Re: Unsaved Trash

You passage has truly inspired me to walk the righteous path of proper grammar. Unfortunately I do wonder how much time I will have to display this fantastic new form of writing, in regards to my own technique, for I have incurred three infractions now and I believe they total to 150 points.

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Unsaved Trash

You passage has truly inspired me to walk the righteous path of proper grammar. Unfortunately I do wonder how much time I will have to display this fantastic new form of writing, in regards to my own technique, for I have incurred three infractions now and I believe they total to 150 points.

Quite good for a first try. Here is the perfected version (read carefully for omissions):

Your passage has truly inspired me to walk the righteous path of proper grammar. Unfortunately, I do wonder how much time I will have to display this fantastic new form of writing in regard to my own technique, for I have incurred three infractions now and I believe they total 150 points.

Don't give up, Peter McKain. Perseverance is key in mastering the art of language and even though demons may attempt to impede your progress, push onward!

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Unsaved Trash

Brother Hatchet walks closely with Jesus.

And when I grow weary of walking, Jesus summons an angel to pull me along in a rickshaw.

[WickedWitch]

Re: Unsaved Trash

Blah, blah, blah, I'm a meanie-face.

I do not avoid Miss Undecided; she is a sweet and dear young woman who needs to fall into the arms of the Savior. And also a proper Christian man of her own age. One who does not dine on boiled cabbage stew and cheap beer, thus avoiding the cost of hiring an exterminator to bomb his house for fleas. If you catch my drift.

Ah HA! See! Shuts you up, doesn't Mr. CommieMarx? I knew I could count on Dear OEJ to come to my defence.

But this other young chap, this Peter McKain... Slap him UPSIDE THE HEAD, Lord!
~~ OEJ

Would it be all right if I did that? Hitting is sort of my specialty.

[Nobar King]

Re: Unsaved Trash

How are the streets in your town? Are they full of potholes? Or do you live near some republicans with freshly paved streets?

The street in front of your house is not just for you to use; other people use it, too. If it is smooth, cars pass by easily and quietly. Too many potholes and the street may be worth avoiding altogether.

That's the way it is with your contributions. Good writing will be understood and appreciated by your readers. Throw some potholes in and soon people will be avoiding those posts. Or worse.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Unsaved Trash

I'm not sure what you mean by "the KJ17." Is that a chink weapon of some kind?

I fear he may be trying to tell us that he's some kind of a kraut goth. I do hope not. American goths are bad enough, so the krautish ones must be like Nazis squared.

Sister, I must admit that this person nearly fooled me too with his clever, clever ways.

However, I would draw your attention to his phrase, "I hath". This should be either, "I have" or "he hath" - "I" and "hath" do not go together. Nowhere in the entire Bible are these two words adjacent!

Maybe he was trying to say "I has", but he hath a lisp. In which case, the Bible is perfectly clear about what must be done:
Judges 12:6 Then said they unto him, Say now Shibboleth: and he said Sibboleth: for he could not frame to pronounce it right. Then they took him, and slew him at the passages of Jordan: and there fell at that time of the Ephraimites forty and two thousand.

Alas, it has little relevance or significance so I shan't proceed to engage.

Good for you. Getting engaged to an irrelevant, insignificant Canuckistani whore would be a terrible idea on every conceivable level.

And you wonder why OEJ avoids you like the plague....

I suspect that avoiding her like the clap might be a slightly more accurate analogy.

And when I grow weary of walking, Jesus summons an angel to pull me along in a rickshaw.

Thus proving that Chinks can be saved and go to Heaven to become angels, no matter what racists might try to claim.