Unsaved Trash

[Peter McKain]

How does unsaved trash like myself go about being labeled as a true Christian?

I'm sure it takes time but besides sitting here and quoting from the KJ17 what am I to do.

I hath prayed, repented, tithed, and spread the word of god...

[One-eyed Jack]

Re: Unsaved Trash

It does take time. Many are called, few get the chicken sandwich with the side of coleslaw. Wait, I meant few are chosen!

Generally new posters are accepted as Members first. A fair amount of pastoral scrutiny and a solid accumulation of Godly posts are usually the criteria for acceptance into the True Christian fold.

However, it is not, as on some forums, a matter of simply completing a pre-determined number of posts.

But be ye of good cheer! There are worse epithets assigned on some Ungodly and heathaceous forums ("ass-polyp", for instance).

For thou art an holy people unto the LORD thy God: the LORD thy God hath chosen thee to be a special people unto himself, above all people that are upon the face of the earth. Deuteronomy 7:6

Praise ye the Lord!

~~ OEJ

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Unsaved Trash

How does unsaved trash like myself go about being labeled as a true Christian?

I'm sure it takes time but besides sitting here and quoting from the KJ17 what am I to do.

I hath prayed, repented, tithed, and spread the word of god...

I'm not sure what you mean by "the KJ17." Is that a chink weapon of some kind?

You might want to show us what you're made of by quoting some holy scripture once in awhile, and entering into on-going discussion threads with a healthy Christian God fearing spirit...By which I mean the King James Version 1611 Bible.

Having the attitude that it's "too much bother" to use the Word of God in your posts makes us suspect that folks might be wolves in sheeps clothing, here to mock Jesus.

Just a thought.

[WickedWitch]

Re: Unsaved Trash

How does unsaved trash like myself go about being labeled as a True Christian?

I'm sure it takes time but besides sitting here and quoting from the KJV1611 what am I to do.

I hath prayed, repented, tithed, and spread the word of God...

You might want to start paying attention the to the way you spell words of Spiritual Relevance. Some here may even suggest you capitalise words like "Pray", "Repent", and "Tithe", to indicate respect and importance. As a rule of thumb: If you notice the TC's adding a ™, ©, or ® at the end of a word or phrase, you should probably capitalise the word or phrase. Just a hint.


Oh, and, you should consider my offer to cure your virginity syndrome. It might not earn you any TC Points, but it'd still be fun.

[Seeker]

Re: Unsaved Trash

You might want to start paying attention the to the way you spell words of Spiritual Relevance. Some here may even suggest you capitalise words like "Pray", "Repent", and "Tithe", to indicate respect and importance. As a rule of thumb: If you notice the TC's adding a ™, ©, or ® at the end of a word or phrase, you should probably capitalise the word or phrase. Just a hint.


Oh, and, you should consider my offer to cure your virginity syndrome. It might not earn you any TC Points, but it'd still be fun.

Yes, Jesus is into English grammar.

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Unsaved Trash

As noted, everyone here began as Unsaved Trash(c).

The phrase "Under Investigation" means just that. Every word you write is being scrutinized, and our Pastors are deciding among themselves whether you have what it takes to become first a Member of this Church and then, if that works out satisfactorily, a True Christian(tm). The only advice I, as a True Christian lady, can give to you is to read your KJV1611, post frequently, quote from Scripture as the Holy Spirit moves you to do, tithe as much as possible, and pray to Jesus to remove your sinful ways.

Read, write, give, and pray. That is the way to Salvation here at Landover Baptist Church, and it takes as long as it takes. Do not make the mistake of trying to rush things, or you could find that you've rushed yourself right into being banned from this Godly forum, and thus from the sight of our Lord Jesus, for all eternity!

[Sister Noddy]

Re: Unsaved Trash

The only advice I, as a True Christian lady, can give to you is to read your KJV1611, post frequently, quote from Scripture as the Holy Spirit moves you to do, tithe as much as possible, and pray to Jesus to remove your sinful ways.

Read, write, give, and pray. That is the way to Salvation here at Landover Baptist Church, and it takes as long as it takes. Do not make the mistake of trying to rush things, or you could find that you've rushed yourself right into being banned from this Godly forum, and thus from the sight of our Lord Jesus, for all eternity!

Oh, spoken like the True Christian™ Sister you are, Sister!

The new kid on the block wants to be accepted as the new kid on the block! But it's not so simple at that! He says he's eighteen. I suppose he thinks that's really grown up.

He does have one skill to his advantage, he can write using GODLY English grammar and spelling. This increases his chances toward membership and salvation somewhat.

But it will take more than just praying, repenting, titheing, and spreading the word of God! (having doubts as to whether young Mr McKain could have done all these things at his age, anyway)

The keys here are humility, and the good sense to be patient. One must never be too pushy after all!

One must learn to wait to be invited, to be a winner with Jesus!

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Unsaved Trash

How does unsaved trash like myself go about being labeled as a true Christian?

I'm sure it takes time but besides sitting here and quoting from the KJ17 what am I to do.

I hath prayed, repented, tithed, and spread the word of god...

[...] He does have one skill to his advantage, he can write using GODLY English grammar and spelling. This increases his chances toward membership and salvation somewhat.

Sister, I must admit that this person nearly fooled me too with his clever, clever ways.

However, I would draw your attention to his phrase, "I hath". This should be either, "I have" or "he hath" - "I" and "hath" do not go together. Nowhere in the entire Bible are these two words adjacent!

I feel that "he hath" is probably correct and that some mysterious person with an unknown agenda, perhaps in league with the powers of darkness, has been tithing on his behalf and he has used this deception to create in us a feeling of warmth. (It is well known that the devil always misquotes the Bible.)

We must be ever vigilant and my heart hardens towards him.

[Unfalsifiable]

Re: Unsaved Trash

Sister, I must admit that this person nearly fooled me too with his clever, clever ways.

However, I would draw your attention to his phrase, "I hath". This should be either, "I have" or "he hath" - "I" and "hath" do not go together. Nowhere in the entire Bible are these two words adjacent!

I feel that "he hath" is probably correct and that some mysterious person with an unknown agenda, perhaps in league with the powers of darkness, has been tithing on his behalf and he has used this deception to create in us a feeling of warmth. (It is well known that the devil always misquotes the Bible.)

We must be ever vigilant and my heart hardens towards him.

Perhaps he is Catholic? If so, be cautious when replying to his messages. Don't let him swindle you into anything.

[Justina Thyme]

Re: Unsaved Trash

Sister, I must admit that this person nearly fooled me too with his clever, clever ways.

However, I would draw your attention to his phrase, "I hath". This should be either, "I have" or "he hath" - "I" and "hath" do not go together. Nowhere in the entire Bible are these two words adjacent!

I feel that "he hath" is probably correct and that some mysterious person with an unknown agenda, perhaps in league with the powers of darkness, has been tithing on his behalf and he has used this deception to create in us a feeling of warmth. (It is well known that the devil always misquotes the Bible.)

We must be ever vigilant and my heart hardens towards him.

I, too, caught this, Brother Ezekiel, but in the spirit of True Christian(tm) charity--and, no doubt, because I am a woman and therefore softer and more lenient on sinners than our Godly gentlemen-- I decided to grant him this small boon.

Never again, however. Beware, young Peter McKain: Your betters are attending your every word!

[Peter McKain]

Re: Unsaved Trash

I'm not sure what you mean by "the KJ17." Is that a chink weapon of some kind?

You might want to show us what you're made of by quoting some holy scripture once in awhile, and entering into on-going discussion threads with a healthy Christian God fearing spirit...By which I mean the King James Version 1611 Bible.

Having the attitude that it's "too much bother" to use the Word of God in your posts makes us suspect that folks might be wolves in sheeps clothing, here to mock Jesus.

Just a thought.

I can't hlep but wondering what percent of the internet community likes to go to Christian forums; tithe; and then get banned for mocking faith.

Must be higher than i realized

[Old Man Hatchet]

Re: Unsaved Trash

I can't help but wonder what percent of the Internet community likes to go to Christian forums, tithe, and then get banned for mocking faith.

Must be higher than I realized.

Son, were you not just told to mind your spelling and grammar? I have made the necessary corrections. You're ticking Jesus and me off, boy!

[WickedWitch]

Re: Unsaved Trash

Son, were you not just told to mind your spelling and grammar? I have made the necessary corrections. You're ticking Jesus and me off, boy!

*Blushes* I think that may be my fault. I must be distracting him with my sexual advances.

[Peter McKain]

Re: Unsaved Trash

Alas tis true. At the ripe age of 18, and as a good Christian boy, it is my duty now to seek out a good Christian wife. All your advances have eluded to me that perhaps you wish to compete for that position.

As a good Christian I'm sure this is just your way of showing an interest in marriage.

[Peter McKain]

Re: Unsaved Trash

Son, were you not just told to mind your spelling and grammar? I have made the necessary corrections. You're ticking Jesus and me off, boy!

Whether Internet/internet should be capitalized or not is a debatable point. Alas, it has little relevance or significance so I shan't proceed to engage.