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Re: Treat your wife as though you were God, Ephesians 5:23
Do you have any letters you've written to your wife? If so, you could dress up the language a bit and turn them into epistles, perhaps something like:
1 Billy Bob, called a True Christian™ and servant of Jesus our Lord, to my wife which is in the kitchen at home:
2 Greetings; grace to thee and peace, from God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ.
3 It seemed good to me to write to thee concerning matters of domestic duty for a wife whose husband is away from home; for I have heard rumours that thou hast became idle and slothful.
4 How quickly thou hast strayed from the commandment I gave when I was still with thee, saying, "Be sure to keep the house tidy and clean and to cook for my sons and do their washing"! for now it has reached my ears that thou watchest television in the afternoon and that the dishes are left unwashed.
5 Thou foolish woman! What hath bewitched thee?
6 Dost thou not know that idleness leadeth to obesity and obesity leadeth to ugliness? And I would not lay with an ugly wife.
7 Therefore, put aside idleness and put on fastidiousness. Wash the dishes, sweep the floors; lest when I return it be in wrath.
8 Watch not television, for this a snare unto those that are weak.
9 Be sure to switch the gas off whenever thou goest out from the house, whether it be to go shopping or to go to church.
10 Be early to bed every night. Sleep not in. Wake early every morning.
11 Those that are with me greet thee.
12 Greet my sons by name. Farewell.
Do you have any letters you've written to your wife? If so, you could dress up the language a bit and turn them into epistles, perhaps something like:
II Jenkins
1 Billy Bob, called a True Christian™ and servant of Jesus our Lord, to my wife which is in the kitchen at home:
2 Greetings; grace to thee and peace, from God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ.
3 It seemed good to me to write to thee concerning matters of domestic duty for a wife whose husband is away from home; for I have heard rumours that thou hast became idle and slothful.
4 How quickly thou hast strayed from the commandment I gave when I was still with thee, saying, "Be sure to keep the house tidy and clean and to cook for my sons and do their washing"! for now it has reached my ears that thou watchest television in the afternoon and that the dishes are left unwashed.
5 Thou foolish woman! What hath bewitched thee?
6 Dost thou not know that idleness leadeth to obesity and obesity leadeth to ugliness? And I would not lay with an ugly wife.
7 Therefore, put aside idleness and put on fastidiousness. Wash the dishes, sweep the floors; lest when I return it be in wrath.
8 Watch not television, for this a snare unto those that are weak.
9 Be sure to switch the gas off whenever thou goest out from the house, whether it be to go shopping or to go to church.
10 Be early to bed every night. Sleep not in. Wake early every morning.
11 Those that are with me greet thee.
12 Greet my sons by name. Farewell.
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