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Is it possible to expect a special break from Jesus and His Dad for my gayness that wasn't my fault? Here's my heartbreaking story. When I was two and a half years old, my older brother, who was Bart Simpson like, would get a Sears catalog out and hold up pictures in front of my face. Every time I would be shown a picture of a man in his underwear, my brother would give me a Skittle or a few M&M's and when I was shown a picture of a woman in her bra and panties, he would smack me with a tightly rolled up newspaper directly to the head. As the years of this treatment began to sink in, my homosexuality began to rear it's demon encrusted head until I was a flaming queer at six years old. I wrestled with my forced condition for many years, but as soon as I felt like I was starting to make progress, I would find myself back in an all male three-way yet again. With prayer and devotion, I feel that I have finally overcome my gayness at 49 years old and am proud to say I have not had a homosexual experience in almost three days now, thanks to Jesus I am completely cured!
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Re: Pray for me, I need leniency from Jesus
Brother Yea, these oven-fresh stories of redemption warm my heart. The very fact that you've cast off the queersexural demons for three whole days in a row (the length of Jesus' temporary death, by the way) is a testament to the power and glory of God!
YiC,
Zechsigpic -
Re: Pray for me, I need leniency from Jesus
Maybe GOD had a reason not to stone you cold 46 years ago after all...
PRAISE THE LORD!Comment
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Re: Pray for me, I need leniency from Jesus
We're here to support one another. Unlike atheists, we are positive and encouraging.Originally posted by see_the_light View Post
If you make it through the week we need to have an exgay celebration.Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.Comment
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Re: Pray for me, I need leniency from Jesus
The Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptations... II Peter 2:9God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11Comment
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Re: Pray for me, I need leniency from Jesus
And I have just the cake, showing you climbing ever UPWARD on your journey to True™ Heterosexual Marriage!Originally posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
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Re: Pray for me, I need leniency from Jesus
Oh, Cookie, that's lovely! I'll be happy to help make such a cake if YTWW passes the Pastor Zeke Ultimate Test of Ex-Gayness. I can't help but think Dr. Niles should also interview him just to be absolutely sure.
Brother Yea, It is not my place to intrude, but I encourage you to rid your home of all things gaywise. That Michaelangelo's David statue? Gone. Your subscription to Architectural Digest? Poor idea. If you have any Judy Garland on your iPod (or, Horrors! - any of her vinyl recordings) you should immediately remove them.
As a final test, Dr. Niles, perhaps you could allow Brother Yea to spend some time with your nephew. Do let us all know how this works out.
Brother Yea, I think it's wonderful that you have asked the Lord to cleanse you of demonic possession in the form of queerishness. I shall pray daily for your immediate and miraculous healing.
Be strong!
NRL1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
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Re: Pray for me, I need leniency from Jesus
Originally posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
And the iPod itself should go as well, in fact any iStuff from Apple must go.
We are all waiting eagerly to hear the good news.
PRAISE THE LORD!Comment
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Re: Pray for me, I need leniency from Jesus
Good news and bad news about my slight fall from grace. It would appear that there may have been a lone limp wristed demon hiding out inside of me after my prayer vigil. That's the bad news, the good news concerning my original post four days ago is that I can still proudly say that I have been cured of homosexuality for three days again thanks to Jesus! You would think that ridding ones self of gay demons wouldn't be any more difficult than letting go of prescription meds, alcohol addiction, hookers, and porno, but The demon of homosexuality is especially clever. The gay demon can turn up to tempt you at any time unexpectedly, for instance when you are in a deli, where the ceiling is covered will long, dark, firm sausages, the gay demon may call out to you. I've found screaming Bible verses from Leviticus at the top of my lungs to be somewhat effective in these situations. YICComment
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Re: Pray for me, I need leniency from Jesus
While God might forgive, I do not expect Him to provide special consideration without due cause.
Before you ask God for anything, you have to ask yourself:
Everyone knows, a Pastor or Reverend, has devoted their entire lives to Him. Satan knows this and applies extreme pressure on these fine people to falter. So when they do fall, Jesus is there for them as they have always been there for Him.What Have I done for Him?
You and I are mere servants of Our Lord. As such, we can expect no special consideration. Obviously, we have not earned it. Our gift from God is that He has not chosen to strike us down with a debilitating disease, rip our limbs off, leaving a barely living body or disfigure us in a manner that the mere thought of it makes people vomit uncontrollably.
While we are all full of shame and sin, we can pray that when God decides to Judge us, He is having a good day.Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.Comment
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Re: Pray for me, I need leniency from Jesus
Stay out of Tijuana this time.Originally posted by Yea-tho-we-walk View Post
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!Comment
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Re: Pray for me, I need leniency from Jesus
Wow very inspirational that you have finally overcome your temptations! Stay strong and don't resort back to gayness. Praise the Lord!Comment
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Re: Pray for me, I need leniency from Jesus
As Sister Lamb pointed, it is best to remove anything from your presence that may trigger unexpected gayness.
These sooty sausages sound especially unclean:
Deuteronomy 14
8 And the swine, because it divideth the hoof, yet cheweth not the cud, it is unclean unto you: ye shall not eat of their flesh, nor touch their dead carcase.
The paler chicken sausages are typically smaller, definitely cleaner, and perhaps less likely to trigger any latent homer flashbacks.
My prayers are with you."Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)
"But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." (Matthew 5:32)Comment
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Re: Pray for me, I need leniency from Jesus
Originally posted by see_the_light View Post
Um. God doesn't stone people right? Didn't Jesus save a woman from being stoned for adultery?1 Corinthians 11:3
But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.Comment
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Re: Pray for me, I need leniency from Jesus
God Himself doesn't stone anyone, but He advocates it in the Bible. The following sins that deserve death by stoning:Originally posted by dinahtzedek View Post
Touching mount Sinai.
Exodus 19:13 Whosoever toucheth the mount shall be surely put to death.
Taking accursed things.
Joshua 7:1-26 Achan ... took of the accursed thing. ... And all Israel stoned him with stones, and burned them with fire, after they had stoned them with stones. ... So the LORD turned from the fierceness of his anger.
Blasphemy
Leviticus 24:16 And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him.
Getting raped in a city
Deuteronomy 22:23-24 If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her; Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city.
Not being a virgin on your wedding night
Deuteronomy 22:13-21 If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her ... and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid: Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate: And the damsel's father shall say ... these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city. ... But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die.
Worshipping other gods
Deuteronomy 17:2-5 If there be found among you ... that ... hath gone and served other gods, and worshipped them ... Then shalt thou ... tone them with stones, till they die.
Deuteronomy 13:5-10 If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers ... thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die.
Leviticus 20:2 Whosoever ... giveth any of his seed unto Molech; he shall surely be put to death: the people of the land shall stone him with stones.
Disobeying your parents
Deuteronomy 21:18-21 If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother ... Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city ... And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die.
Witchcraft
Leviticus 20:27 A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them.
Breaking the Sabbath
Numbers 15:32-56 They found a man that gathered sticks upon the sabbath day. ... And the LORD said unto Moses, The man shall be surely put to death: all the congregation shall stone him with stones.... And all the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the LORD commanded Moses.
Cursing the king
1 Kings 21:10 Thou didst blaspheme God and the king. And then carry him out, and stone him, that he may die.sigpic Mt 21:42, 44 Jesus saith unto them, Did ye never read in the scriptures, The stone which the builders rejected, the same is become the head of the corner: this is the Lord's doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes . . . ? And whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder.
Find out what the Bible says about: Fortnite: Battle Royale, asexuality, shaving, psychiatry, chronic fatigue syndrome, babiesComment
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