God defends my bald husband!

[BaptistBethany]

Praise God! He surely looks out for his children!


This morning my wonderful husband, Baptist Bob, was supervising our nigra servants as they cut our lawn, pulled weeds, etc. When, for no reason whatsoever, they began to taunt and mock my husband about his bald head!


My husband, being the well-read Christian, immediately knew what to do. He cursed them in the name of our Lord.


By this time, I had heard some ruckus outside. I immediately left my laundry room and looked out the window. And just in time too! Two bears came out of nowhere and began ripping and tearing the nigras apart! Praise Jesus! This is truly a miracle because we live in the suburbs and bears are not even around this area!


It was truly and gruesome and glorious sight to behold! Praise God! He defended and rescued my husband just as he did for the prophet, Elijah!


Well, needless to say, we are in need of a few more nigras because of this incident.


II Kings 2:23-24
23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

[Eva_Christensen]

Re: God defends my bald husband!

Good grief! I hope you are able to find some new nigras soon. Gardenwork can be so tiresome!

YiC
Eva

[Witch Hammer]

Re: God defends my bald husband!

And the nigras didn't even try to rape the bears before they were righteously mauled? That is a miracle! Praise Him!!

[M. Mansfield, MD]

Re: God defends my bald husband!

Sister Bethany,

I shouted GLORY to the Lord as I read your inspiring story. We serve a wondrous God, able to send us a bear or orangutan or even a three toed sloth when the time is right. I send condolences on the loss of your nigras but it is obvious they were practicing voodoo or sins of lust since they turned on the man that kept them employed and meagerly fed. How ungrateful they were, and how fitting was their punishment. Again - Glory to our Heavenly Father.

Another purpose for my reply is to warn you against purchasing Oregon nigras. You'll sometimes see them advertised on telephone poles or light posts for cheap. The signs read: "FOR SALE to highest bidder: 3 fine young bucks and two wenches, mahogany in color, with sinewy muscles on the bucks and child-bearing hips on the wenches - CHEAP, CHEAP, CHEAP!" What they don't tell you is that these nigras are LIBERALS, often raised in a methodist or presbyterian church - or worse, they are sometimes outcasts from Joo families and insist upon seder every Passover - in the BIG HOUSE. Disgusting. On a whim, I went to look at one because I needed someone to clean my medical clinic.

His name was Joey and he stood about 6 feet tall. He had large, bulging muscles, good teeth, could speak English, and had heavy, low hanging male parts - good for breeding! (My adoring wife, Jennifer, called him "stunning.") I immediately threw her to the ground. But I digress.

All of a sudden, he began spitting at me and telling me that he was not for sale, he was a student at the University of Oregon, and asking why I had stripped him naked and chained him to a bench. Well, I am not easily fooled. "I answered the ad for you on Craigslist. The ad said you were black and tall and would be near this park bench at this hour. You may as well realize that I am not only white, I am a doctor. We are intelligent." He then began screaming something about a student ID in the wallet (LOL, have you ever known a nigra with a wallet unless it was stolen?)

Well, I had enough of that and left him there. But to think I was almost ready to shell out $39 for the uppity buck - well, it makes me shudder. So stick to reliable salespeople or ask friends. I am very pleased with my boy Moses. He cleans and dances and can play an autoharp. Dumb as a box of rocks (of course) and I don't allow him near anything shiny, but you should see how my floors and equipment glisten and gleam after his hard work.

Again, GLORY to GOD that He sent bears just when they were needed. Who knows what sexual perversions those darkies had in mind prior to the Lord's intervention.

[Mary Thompson]

Re: God defends my bald husband!

GLORY!
If you need new nigras, my husband captured some from the forest, while he was hunting and I would be glad to sell them to you.
Here are the prices:
Fifty Silver Shekels for Men
Thirty Silver Shekels for Women.
(Leviticus 27)

[Alvin Moss]

Re: God defends my bald husband!

I believe that it is no longer possible to actually buy Negroes in your vicinity, Sister, though they may be rented at a reasonable price.

I would seek country Negroes, by way of advice, as they are not as prone to sass and back talk. City Negroes are often unreliable and actually more lazy than their rural counterparts..

[Witch Hammer]

Re: God defends my bald husband!

GLORY!
If you need new nigras, my husband captured some from the forest, while he was hunting and I would be glad to sell them to you.
Here are the prices:
Fifty Silver Shekels for Men
Thirty Silver Shekels for Women.
(Leviticus 27)

Hmmmm...lets see, a silver half-shekel from Biblical times can be purchased online for about $900 American, so take 50 shekels and divide by .5. That makes 100 half shekels @ $900 each...$90,000 for a bull nigra?! $54,000 for a cow?? If Jesus hadn't set these prices Himself, I'd accuse you of highway robbery!

[Freddy Osborne]

Re: God defends my bald husband!

I would seriously consider using messicans for the yard work. The little Oompa Loompas are low to the ground and require little besides cheap beer and tortillas.

The Nubians are impressive with their bulging hindquarters but all they do is sit on them these days. Plus all the weed they snort just means you have retrain them everyday even if you do get them off the porch.

Good luck and God bless!

[Alvin Moss]

Re: God defends my bald husband!

I would agree that Mexicans are better able to labor under adverse physical conditions. Here in my vicinity, we employ them almost exclusively.

Negroes are vain and lazy. They will steal anything not tied down and they are usually high on cocaine. They like to drink something called a foety, which makes them angry.

On the other hand, Mexicans are mostly Romans and thus in the employ of the Devil. They are usually drunk on what ever they can find, including turpentine if nothing else is available.

Still, the Mexican can be better trusted to do the work, though it is important to pay after the work is finished.

[Elijah Mee, PhD]

Re: God defends my bald husband!

In my small local area, we made an unofficial deal with the negroes decades ago. We agreed that they could stay if they learned to speak English properly, stopped selling drugs before 9AM and tried not to rape anyone younger than 16 or older than 65.

Obviously they couldn't do it and that was the fatal flaw in the plan: when was the last time you heard of a negro keeping a deal?

They're still here today.

[BaptistBethany]

Re: God defends my bald husband!

A big thank you to all the True Christians who posted with suggestions. Well, since I live in Richmond, Virginia (which is the Capital of the Confederacy) I prefer nigras to do all the yard work. Those prices posted seem a bit high. I don't think any nigra is worth that much!!! Until I find replacement nigras, I have a cursed sinner in a wheelchair cutting our lawn. I'm attaching a picture for all to see. You'd be surprised how powerful those wheelchairs are! He can pull that lawnmower with no problems at all. Praise Jesus!!!

[Mary Thompson]

Re: God defends my bald husband!

A big thank you to all the True Christians who posted with suggestions. Well, since I live in Richmond, Virginia (which is the Capital of the Confederacy) I prefer nigras to do all the yard work. Those prices posted seem a bit high. I don't think any nigra is worth that much!!! Until I find replacement nigras, I have a cursed sinner in a wheelchair cutting our lawn. I'm attaching a picture for all to see. You'd be surprised how powerful those wheelchairs are! He can pull that lawnmower with no problems at all. Praise Jesus!!!

I didn't realise you were...financially challenged. For those prices are suggested in the Bible, though it is the price for white people, there is nowhere in the Bible that changes them to nigra prices, so they'll do just as well.

[BaptistBethany]

Re: God defends my bald husband!

I didn't realise you were...financially challenged. For those prices are suggested in the Bible, though it is the price for white people, there is nowhere in the Bible that changes them to nigra prices, so they'll do just as well.

Dear Sister Mary Thompson, We are not financially challenged, I just thought $90,000 for a nigra was a bit high. But, like others have pointed out, it is the price that the Lord our God set (and God knows best and is perfect), so it must be okay.


Since I live in the Capital of the Confederacy, I felt the need to check on nigra prices in 1850. The price for a skilled nigra in 1850 was $2,000, which is about $60,000 in today's currency.


So, just to be safe, I will abide by God's Word and pay the $90,000 for a new nigra servant.


If you know of any available nigras for sale, please contact me privately.


Thanks so much!

[Felicity]

Re: God defends my bald husband!

Why doesn't your husband pray for hair?

[Freddy Osborne]

Re: God defends my bald husband!

$90k? That's $89,990 too much!