[Cranky Old Man]

Re: God Bless the Supreme Court! Human rights for Corporations!

Good news, folks. Taking advantage of the Supreme Court ruling we just bought, I'm proud to announce that one of our subsidiaries is running for Congress:

That is indeed good news. This will wipe out those evil democrats, who are only squabbling and squabbling while our great nation is destroyed, once and for all.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: God Bless the Supreme Court! Human rights for Corporations!

UPDATE: Republicans agree that Human rights don't only apply to corporations, they also apply to people who have sex purely for reproductive purposes. (And nobody else. Because that's how human rights work, you can't have them without taking away someone else's).

If you've never masterbated, or had non-vaginal sex, or had vaginal sex with someone using birth control, you now have rights:

"Civil rights are granted in natural rights. Natural rights are granted in human nature. Human nature is a rational substance in relationship. The intelligible end of reproductive act is reproduction. Do you understand that? Civil rights when they conflict with natural rights are (yelling) No YOU sit down. The lesbians at Smith College protest better than you do. The lesbians at Smith College protest better than you do. Alright? Bring it. Jeff Frazee, guess what, you just made an enemy out of me, buddy. Yeah you, guess what. YOU just made an enemy out of me"

Of course, anyone who has masturbated or had non-vaginal sex, or had vaginal sex with someone using birth control; is not human, since human nature is to only orgasm in the name of reproduction.

[TC Patriot]

Re: God Bless the Supreme Court! Human rights for Corporations!

Here is Godly Anton Scalia's ruling. It is as if Jesus Christ Himself had written it.

The Amendment is written in terms of “speech,” not speakers. Its text offers no foothold for excluding any category of speakers, from single individuals to partnerships of individuals, to unincorporated associations of individuals, to incorporated associations of individuals…Indeed, to exclude or impede corporate speech is to muzzle the principal agents of the modern free economy. We should celebrate rather than condemn the addition of this speech to the public debate.

-Scalia


1st AMENdment: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.



He's right! People and corporations are the same thing. So what if foreign and multi-national corporations can spend all the money they want to influence American politics? People are corporations and corporations are people, even if they are from another country. Godly Anton Scalia in his Christly wisdom has by proxy extended First AMENdment protection to every person in the world. Praise JESUS!