[RomanK]

Re: My family is being accused of slavery!

Fred, had any good whoppers lately?

If you didn't want to be charged with slavery you should have gave them more than a hot meal!

[Phebe Carlyle]

Re: My family is being accused of slavery!

I can't believe this! A government official came to my family's pig farm today because he wanted to investigate the work conditions for some of our nigra workers. He made an inspection and now we are being sued for slavery!

My family consists of devout Christians and every year my Father pays a man to transport some nigras from the country of Africa to Denmarkia. Here they work on our wonderful pig farm in exchange for food, shelter in the barn and most importantly: reading lessons and a copy of KJV1611. I mean these poor nigras are really trying to become good Christians. They have already succeeded to read Genesis and realized that their place in a Christian society is as servants for the white man.

Genesis 9:25-27

And he said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren.
And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant. God shall enlarge Japheth, and he shall dwell in the tents of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant

They are grateful for their payment and why wouldn't they be? What greater gift is there than to understand the word of our Lord by being able to read the KJV? These poor nigras are trying to find Salvation and now they won't be able to work here and recieve reading lessons because of the Denmarkian communist state!

Never has my desire to move to America been stronger. The communist state of Denmarkia has gone too far this time! It is obvious that the state of Denmarkia is satanic and that it's trying it's darndest to stop Christanity from reaching the country of Africa.

Hmm, now is this not the strangest thing I have ever read.

I have done missionary work in far flung nigra places and even in places where the nigras only speak in "click click" talk. We were there helping them realize the word of God and even gave them KJV1611's in their "click "click" language. We also, when they too became pre de negrafication Christians and were obviously committed to living their life with the Lord ONLY in mind, they used to work to build up the community without the perks you mention and that was not at all considered slavery. They actually considered themselves BLESSED that they no longer had to live under a tree branch and eat bugs and drink brown water tainted with their own bodily waste floating in it.

Why doesn't your government consider the luxuries your family are providing to these nigras, compared to their authentic nigra lifestyles, rather than critisizing your God inspired deeds?

Obviously these heathen bureaucratic types you are dealing with have never seen a nigra in the wild to know just how much your family are doing with God in mind to support them.

I know I would be happy to finance a trip for that government official in your country to a nigra nation, just to show them how benevolent and God inspired your family's pig farm employer practices actually are and how good your slaves servants actually have it.

Please let either me or my husband James know if we can be of further assistance to you on this, Brother.

YIC

Mrs Phebe Dewitt.

[handmaiden]

Re: My family is being accused of slavery!

If you didn't want to be charged with slavery you should have gave them more than a hot meal!

He gave them an education!

I paid roughly $80,000 for mine. And that doesn't include the cost of the hot meals that I had to cook for myself.


Indignantly Yours,

Handmaiden

[BelieverInGod]

Re: My family is being accused of slavery!

He gave them an education!

I paid roughly $80,000 for mine. And that doesn't include the cost of the hot meals that I had to cook for myself.


Indignantly Yours,

Handmaiden

Exactly Sister!

Food, boarding, education, all for a days labor? Sounds like a fair trade to me.

[Free Market Fred]

Re: My family is being accused of slavery!

Fred, had any good whoppers lately?

If you didn't want to be charged with slavery you should have gave them more than a hot meal!

I'd like you to know that I've never been charged with slavery. We always subcontract the actual slave labor to a foreign company. Let them deal with the local authorities - they know who to pay off. You don't expect me to speak that Chink or African jive language, do you?

The only politicians I have to pay off personally are all in America. To tell you the truth, some of them are pretty damn greedy. Sure, we bought George W Bush cheap - that guy would sell his own daughters for a case of cheap booze and a few tubes of airplane glue - but most US politicians want millions. In 2008, the RNC demanded a whole harem of teenage hotties (of both sexes) in the Dominican Republic, plus a $20 million to finance their "family values" campaign. Whenever they have a convention, we work overtime to supply enough coke and roofies to keep them satisfied. Even our friends in the Mexican cartels say "thank goodness" for the war on drugs, or they'd never be able to come up with enough crack to supply RNC at a profitable price.


Waiting to greet a helicopter full of Republicans on their way to a family values convention

Sometimes I'm tempted to put out the word (via Fox News and Rush Limbaugh) that the Tea Partiers ought to turn the pitchforks on their Republican overlords, but unfortunately I'm not sure we could find any replacement politicians who would reliably vote for our corporate bailouts.

Anyway, the reason for the multiple passports is not the slavery issue. It's mainly to keep the tax authorities from finding out too much. Shell companies in Nigeria have proven so useful in driving the IRS crazy. Plus you never know if that Marxist Obama will actually start enforcing fraud and racketeering statutes. Better to be safe than sorry.


Don't leave home without them

[James Dewitt]

Re: My family is being accused of slavery!

Brother Fred most Liberals, NO all liberals have no idea what it takes to be a CEO. The amount of time I spend on one of my private jets going from one factory to another is beyond their comprehension. Oh yea they all want to unionize us for better pay, health,eye and dental insurance, but they are not cutting the checks for payroll are they? Hey why don't they try on my shoes for a day. I just love it when the damn Liberals say Oh you make too much money as a CEO.Last year after paying taxes I almost cleared 125 Million, do they have any idea how much fuel costs for a private jet?

[RomanK]

Re: My family is being accused of slavery!

tell me brother Fred, hows the arizona wine buisiness?

[Free Market Fred]

Re: My family is being accused of slavery!

Brother Fred most Liberals, NO all liberals have no idea what it takes to be a CEO. The amount of time I spend on one of my private jets going from one factory to another is beyond their comprehension.

You are SO right, Brother James. While our factory workers only put in mere 18-hour days (with one Sunday off per month), as CEO I'm on call 24/7 with no holidays. Whenever there's a crisis that my subordinates can't handle (and that typically happens every couple of years), they'll call me up in the middle of the night.

The last time that happened was in 2008, and I can remember it clearly. It was late in the evening and I was witnessing with one of my young Cambodian Bible students when suddenly my cell phone rang. I had to get out of the hot tub and get dressed, and get onto Skype for a video conference call (you can't do those calls in your birthday suit, you know).


Witnessing is hard work

This was the infamous Chinese melamine milk scandal. My company was being accused of cutting milk powder with melamine in order to reduce costs while testing positive for high protein content. The US government banned the import of our milk products, and they were talking about criminal prosecutions.

That crisis wasted nearly three days of my precious time (and all for a lousy $900,000 per hour). I talked to some of our Chinese politicians and bribed them to grab a few street people, clean them up, promote them to top-level management at our Chinese milk powder factory, then publicly arrest and execute them. Ironically, the bleeding heart liberal anti-death penalty activists helped us out with all the publicity they gave this. We also had to change the brand name of our milk, because the American public stopped buying it. In order to keep the milk price down, we found other chemical substitutes for melamine, plus we added some steroids to hide the side-effects. That still left us with a lot of unsold milk powder, but fortunately we were able to unload it on the US military (for our soldiers in Iraq) - thanks to our no-bid contracts, we also do food service for the troops, and no one tests what we feed them.

The above crisis-management is just one example of how hard I work. I'm sure there are other examples, though right now none come to mind. I feel totally justified in saying that I deserve every penny I earn, and it's totally unreasonable to expect me to pay taxes. After all, if the government taxed me, I'd have no incentive to work - thus there would be fewer gold bars in my vault for future generations to steal after I've ascended into Heaven (though I plan to take all the gold I can carry). How much is the entry fee to Heaven, anyway? Any Cambodian Bible students up there, or do I need to supply my own?

Well, fortunately, I don't pay any taxes. Thanks to our shell companies overseas and a little accounting magic, my company always manages to report a loss to the IRS. I'm sure that this is what the great Ronald Reagan was referring to when he talked about the magic of the market place.


Trickle down - works like magic

[James Dewitt]

Re: My family is being accused of slavery!

Brother Fred, I understand your pain.
A few years ago a toy company I own in China was in a bit of a jamb. It seems that you can not add lead to paint and us it on children's toys. How in the world was I supposed to know that kids suck and chew on them, it is not like I am their parents. Oh sure it added to my bottom line and increased profitability to 45%, but I did it more for the environment. All that lead trapped under ground has a potential to pollute ground water. It seems to me that we are better off mining it. At any rate after months of emails and possible law suits and countless bribes the problem went away. I do not use any lead in paint now, and my proffits have dropped to 41% on the toys. Just think what I could have done with that other 4%, how many jobs have been lost?

[Free Market Fred]

Re: My family is being accused of slavery!

Brother Fred, I understand your pain.
A few years ago a toy company I own in China was in a bit of a jamb. It seems that you can not add lead to paint and us it on children's toys. How in the world was I supposed to know that kids suck and chew on them, it is not like I am their parents. Oh sure it added to my bottom line and increased profitability to 45%, but I did it more for the environment. All that lead trapped under ground has a potential to pollute ground water. It seems to me that we are better off mining it.

Brother James, I greatly sympathize. The liberal elitist EPA is always doing stuff like that. They made a big deal over the cheap Chinese drywall that we imported from 2001-2007, just because it emitted sulfur gases that a few hypochondriacs claimed made them feel ill (and rotted hypochondriac copper electrical wiring). Thank the Lord that we imported it under the label of one of our Nigerian shell companies, or we'd be facing billions in lawsuits.

Anyway, about the lead paint you put on kids' toys - my tech people came up with a solution a few years ago. We found that depleted uranium makes an excellent substitute for lead. In fact, it's even better than lead since it glows in the dark - the kids really love that! Plus, depleted uranium is cheap - ever since 2003 we've been giving it to the Iraqis for free!


Public-private partnership: Yet another win-win situation

My company has a large amount of this valuable substance that we'd be glad to send you, just for the cost of shipping. As an astute businessman, I'm sure that you'll take advantage of this fantastic offer. I'll send you the contact info for our lawyer in Nigeria who can help you set up a shell company lest the Marxist Obama EPA gives you any flack.