Unless We Get $100m in Tithes, God Will Make Hillary President!

[Born Again Bob]

Dear Friends,

A blessed 2008 to all of you!

Sadly, while you have been enjoying the Christmas season and ringing in the New Year, I have been vainly trying to console the weeping Baby Jesus. The cause of His bawling? Failure by a portion of His chosen to properly tithe. YOU know who YOU are. You're not a True Christian(tm) if you're not a Faithful Tither(tm).

Lest we forget:
"And concerning the tithe of the herd, or of the flock, even of whatsoever passeth under the rod, the tenth shall be holy unto the LORD. " -- Leviticus 27:30-33.

Notice -- He doesn't command a tenth of your "disposable income," or "post-tax income," or "net worth." This is 10% of "whatsoever passeth under the rod," i.e., off the top! We have heard some very lame excuses for tithing failures of late. "But I need to pay for my daughter's insulin," or "this is court-ordered child support," or "if I pawn my artifical leg, how will I walk"?

Each time you try to justify your financial delinquency in religious obligation, you spit in the eye of Christ hanging on the Cross for you. For He promised to provide for you: "Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?" Matthew 6:26. Are you saying His IOU is no good?

So, let's get those donations rolling into LBC coffers. Remember, we'll take cash, checks, credit cards, wire transfers, real estate deeds, car or boat titles, or any sort of physical goods. Our valuation will be fair. Stop being so materialistic. Remember, the Jews were His Chosen People until they stiffed the offering box once too often. Money-grubbing is a serious moral fault -- so give generously.

Yours in Him,
bab

[lilith]

Re: No Money, No Peace: the False Religion of Non-Tithers

So, let's get those donations rolling into LBC coffers. Remember, we'll take cash, checks, credit cards, wire transfers, real estate deeds, car or boat titles, or any sort of physical goods. Our valuation will be fair. Stop being so materialistic. Remember, the Jews were His Chosen People until they stiffed the offering box once too often. Money-grubbing is a serious moral fault -- so give generously.

Indeed it is...so why are you doing it then?

[Born Again Bob]

Re: No Money, No Peace: the False Religion of Non-Tithers

Dear Sister,

Thank you for your thought. I will cherish it.

If you need any help in arranging your tithe, please feel free to contact me.

Yours in Him,
bab

[lilith]

Re: No Money, No Peace: the False Religion of Non-Tithers

Dear Sister,

Thank you for your thought. I will cherish it.

If you need any help in arranging your tithe, please feel free to contact me.

Yours in Him,
bab

ME?? TITHE??!! Don't hold your breath.
On second thoughts,by all means hold your breath.

[Vegetto991]

Re: Unless We Get $100m in Tithes, God Will Make Hillary Presiden

PRAISE JESUS I shall donate the first million as soon as my grandmother passes later this year, her terminal cancer is a gift from God now I can help with this godly organization

[_Beck_]

Re: No Money, No Peace: the False Religion of Non-Tithers

Then why don't you support Hilary, nobody tithes to this occultist church. Then because God will be oh so angry he'll make Hucklebee president in opposition to you and in support or non-christians. /sarcasim

[Born Again Bob]

Re: Unless We Get $100m in Tithes, God Will Make Hillary Presiden

PRAISE JESUS I shall donate the first million as soon as my grandmother passes later this year, her terminal cancer is a gift from God now I can help with this godly organization

Dear Friend,

Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today. Remember that "ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh," and if you're not ready when He does, you will be shut out for all eternity.

Might I suggest that you suggest that your grandmother forgo any further expensive treatments and leave her fate in the hands of the loving Lord? Either her faith will heal her (in which case a sizable love offering is in order) or God will call her home (and what better way to honor her memory than a donation?).

We will keep you... and her... in our prayers.

Yours in Him,
bab

[Vegetto991]

Re: Unless We Get $100m in Tithes, God Will Make Hillary Presiden

Dear Friend,

Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today. Remember that "ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh," and if you're not ready when He does, you will be shut out for all eternity.

Might I suggest that you suggest that your grandmother forgo any further expensive treatments and leave her fate in the hands of the loving Lord? Either her faith will heal her (in which case a sizable love offering is in order) or God will call her home (and what better way to honor her memory than a donation?).

We will keep you... and her... in our prayers.

Yours in Him,
bab

The good news is that she already has forgone treatments, she is in bed at home right now waiting for the good Lord Jesus to heal her or take her home, she has 3 different types of cancer Breast, Skin and terminal Colon cancer so I do believe the Glorious Lord Jesus Christ will be taking her into his Loving Arms by feb maybe sooner, I will receive about 1 million dollars in a lucious florida waterfront property which I shall sell and give the money to Landover

[Born Again Bob]

Re: Unless We Get $100m in Tithes, God Will Make Hillary Presiden

Dear Friend,

Praise the Lord! We'll get the paperwork ready.

Yours in Him,
bab

[Vegetto991]

Re: Unless We Get $100m in Tithes, God Will Make Hillary Presiden

Praise Jesus Indeed, I will keep you all updated as to her condiction, she was coughing up blood earlier today and she is down to 88 pounds so the day might be soon at hand, Praise Jesus

[birdistheword]

Re: Unless We Get $100m in Tithes, God Will Make Hillary Presiden

Whats so bad about Hillary Clinton being the next president?
I don't see how improper tithing will result in her being elected president.

Something's missing.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Unless We Get $100m in Tithes, God Will Make Hillary Presiden

Whats so bad about Hillary Clinton being the next president?
I don't see how improper tithing will result in her being elected president.

Something's missing.

Yes, your devotion to Christ is what's missing. Children who worship mario will no doubt see Hellary Cliton as a wonderful choice. She serves satan, and so do mariogeeks.

[Vegetto991]

Re: Unless We Get $100m in Tithes, God Will Make Hillary Presiden

Praise Jesus my dying grandmother has been coughing up blood once again and she hasnt been able to eat or drink anything for almost an entire day I think the Lord is going to be bringing her into his arms very soon and bringing a million dollars to Landover to so they can make sure that the dyke lib wont be elected, Praise Jesus!!!

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Unless We Get $100m in Tithes, God Will Make Hillary Presiden

Praise Jesus my dying grandmother has been coughing up blood once again and she hasnt been able to eat or drink anything for almost an entire day I think the Lord is going to be bringing her into his arms very soon and bringing a million dollars to Landover to so they can make sure that the dyke lib wont be elected, Praise Jesus!!!

Friend,

I commend you for your' strength of faith not to take a pillow and speed up God's will with your grandmother. But we must always remember that our Loving Savior choice rightly to bestow a slow and angonizing death on her. To send our love ones home early would be undermining the Will of God and nothing no TRUE Christian would dream of doing.

[Dr. Zaius]

Re: Unless We Get $100m in Tithes, God Will Make Hillary Presiden

Praise Jesus Indeed, I will keep you all updated as to her condiction, she was coughing up blood earlier today and she is down to 88 pounds so the day might be soon at hand, Praise Jesus

That's very sad. It's not an image you will soon out grow. But if you look inside to the right place you will understand that God has a place for your grandmother, and for you, too. But be warned!! God doesn't make fun of people with cancer, so if you're just telling some story, off with you!