Join: LANDOVER LEAGUE FOR CHILD PROTECTION!

[Matthew Hopkins]

Friends,

After recent events in Connecticut, what with that assburglars kid running amok, it made me think of our own children, or in my case, grandchildren.

Now, I know all True Christians™ teach their children the use of firearms from an early age. In fact, all right thinking people do that: because it makes sense to do so. But at this stage, we need to trust the Christian kids to uphold the law and defend themselves at any point they are not under our direct care.

This means home school, public school (for those unfortunate souls who are forced into the system by circumstance or tithing responsibilities), or whenever they are out running errands, or visiting their youth prayer groups.

We need to give our kids the means to do God's work. And if that means icing an autistic, then so be it.

JOIN LANDOVER LEAGUE FOR CHILD PROTECTION TODAY!

YBIC

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Join: LANDOVER LEAGUE FOR CHILD PROTECTION!

Brother Matthew, you raise an interesting point: Just what should society do with autistic tards?

As my caring sharing company, the Uranus Corporation, is the world's largest "reform through labor" organization, we've long pondered this question. We've performed a number of experiments with tard prisoners in our factories in China, and I'm sorry to report that the results have been discouraging. While normal prisoners can be motivated to do amazing amounts of productive work after receiving one or two sessions of electro-shock therapy, with tards this rarely produces the desired result. All they do is babble and scream and tear their hair out, rather than doing the sensible thing like assembling toys and DVD players for 18 hours a day in exchange for three delicious bowls of dogfood.

Fortunately, I think we've hit upon a solution. As the world's leading pharmaceutical and hazardous waste processing company, the Uranus Corporation has been active in medical research. We have found that testing new drugs and chemicals on rats and monkeys often produces false results, as human physiology is so different. Therefore, it makes sense to just go direct to human testing. Fortunately, tard volunteers can do this sort of work just as well (if not better) than normal prisoners. We've also found that tards are excellent when it comes to voluntary organ donation.

This is one area where tards can make a direct contribution to our great nation, while maximizing corporate profits and thus boosting stock prices and CEO bonuses. So rather than wastefully icing tards in the school playground, I think it would be much more productive to put them to good use, as I'm sure all True Christians would agree.

[Matthew Hopkins]

Re: Join: LANDOVER LEAGUE FOR CHILD PROTECTION!

Now that is smart thinking, young fella. Tell me, you seem like a successful entrepreneur: perhaps I could finance a tard factory with you at the helm as CEO?

Also, I have some 'holdings' that I need to find a buyer for. Maybe we could meet up for lunch?

YBIC

[Rylee Cline]

Re: Join: LANDOVER LEAGUE FOR CHILD PROTECTION!

Brother Matthew, you raise an interesting point: Just what should society do with autistic tards?

Some of the smartest people ali have had Aspergers, including my brother. Think before you speak xoxo

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Join: LANDOVER LEAGUE FOR CHILD PROTECTION!

Some of the smartest people ali have had Aspergers, including my brother.

Well that makes sense. I'll bet your parents are brother and sister too.

[Matthew Hopkins]

Re: Join: LANDOVER LEAGUE FOR CHILD PROTECTION!

This one's a bog-trotter, Pastor. Once we've taken away his rosary he'll learn the meaning of True Repentance(r).

YBIC

[John North]

Re: Join: LANDOVER LEAGUE FOR CHILD PROTECTION!

Some of the smartest people ali have had Aspergers, including my brother. Think before you speak xoxo

Replace the word smartest with most retarded and you get close to the truth. I once was worked a summer at a Bible Camp. For some reason a busload of children with asperger and autism was sent there (obviously by mistake). For a long time we tried to figure out what to do with them; as it seemed, they were capable of nothing. Finally a clever Pastor came up with the idea that they could be used to pre-heat the sleeping bags (simply by staying in them until the normal kids needed them). Generating heat is likely to be one of the main skills of any aspie/autistic person, even if they come nowhere near the efficiency of a cheap radiator with regards to this.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Join: LANDOVER LEAGUE FOR CHILD PROTECTION!

I joined the moment this new group was formed.

The Hutchins kids are taught (in home school) early on that only a fool waits until it is too late. Every one of my kids concealed carries everywhere they go. From tiny toddler .223's up to manly .500 double magnums. My kids have been taught to shoot instinctively and not waste precious seconds making a decision. Shoulder, leg, shoulder leg, forehead. Because of this training, there has never been a tragedy in our schools. There have been ten intruders in 45 years. Not one walked out.

The Hutchins Wall of Shame

Had these people had Jesus in their lives, they could perhaps be productive field laborers today instead of fertilizer. A lesson many families fail to learn. I'll pray the children of Newtown get firearms training from Jesus this Holiday season to avert yet another tragedy in their schools.

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Join: LANDOVER LEAGUE FOR CHILD PROTECTION!

Brother Matthew, you raise an interesting point: Just what should society do with autistic tards?

As my caring sharing company, the Uranus Corporation, is the world's largest "reform through labor" organization, we've long pondered this question. We've performed a number of experiments with tard prisoners in our factories in China, and I'm sorry to report that the results have been discouraging. While normal prisoners can be motivated to do amazing amounts of productive work after receiving one or two sessions of electro-shock therapy, with tards this rarely produces the desired result. All they do is babble and scream and tear their hair out, rather than doing the sensible thing like assembling toys and DVD players for 18 hours a day in exchange for three delicious bowls of dogfood.

Fortunately, I think we've hit upon a solution. As the world's leading pharmaceutical and hazardous waste processing company, the Uranus Corporation has been active in medical research. We have found that testing new drugs and chemicals on rats and monkeys often produces false results, as human physiology is so different. Therefore, it makes sense to just go direct to human testing. Fortunately, tard volunteers can do this sort of work just as well (if not better) than normal prisoners. We've also found that tards are excellent when it comes to voluntary organ donation.

This is one area where tards can make a direct contribution to our great nation, while maximizing corporate profits and thus boosting stock prices and CEO bonuses. So rather than wastefully icing tards in the school playground, I think it would be much more productive to put them to good use, as I'm sure all True Christians would agree.

You know Brother Fred, we discussed something similar here at Landover years ago in this thread. Here are some uses for retards that we were tossing around:

Teaching the retarded basic tasks actually could save tax dollars. Could they be trained to do menial or dangerous tasks, tasks that might endanger normal people? Like checking for gas in coal mines, or moving live electrical wires after storms, stuff like that.

They could easily get a job as a 'Human Shield' in the Police Force, and aid in hostage and terrorist shootout situations. And as for Army applications, you could easily send a bunch of retardeds out to find a safe path through a landmined area. Who cares if they lose a few limbs, half of them have limbs missing already, and it's not like they're proper people anyways.

I think medical experiments would be best. Off in a soundproof building somewhere.

[Matthew Hopkins]

Re: Join: LANDOVER LEAGUE FOR CHILD PROTECTION!

Brother Hutchins and Capt. Portway, we are blessed by your wisdom and courage.

I wondered if training should be provided in these:



for the little girls, as they have practically no recoil. They could be loaded before the first class of the day, then kept within arms reach throughout the day.

YBIC

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: Join: LANDOVER LEAGUE FOR CHILD PROTECTION!

It's about time our secular public schools apply MY tax dollars to something useful, like teaching our 7-year olds IMPORTANT things-- like basic marksmanship and how to convert semi auto AR15s to fully automatic weapons while blindfolded.

Contrary to many limp-wristed liberals and RINOs, however, I am NOT in favor of arming our schoolteachers as many have suggested recently. At least not until we fully bust their unions.

[Matthew Hopkins]

Re: Join: LANDOVER LEAGUE FOR CHILD PROTECTION!

Amen Brother, AMEN!

After receiving an entirely just infraction, for allowing my anger to get the better of me, I have decided to donate the following to the children of Freehold, Iowa:

10,000 Ruger SP101 .327 Magnums



100,000 rounds of 85-grain Hydra-Shok jacketed hollow point.



100,000 rounds of .32 H&R Magnum ammunition.




I figure the sturdier kids can take the heavier ammo, and go for body and leg shots. The girls and wimpier kids can use the .32, and practice taking head shots.

Together, brothers, we can train our kids to beat the autistic psychos at their own game.

All children who cannot handle the .32 recoil will be issued with crossbows.

YBIC

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Join: LANDOVER LEAGUE FOR CHILD PROTECTION!

Some of the smartest people ali have had Aspergers, including my brother. Think before you speak xoxo

Hello, Brother RC! Yes indeed, your brother was one of the smarter tards we had in our medical experimental program. That's why we didn't use him to test which drugs might cause cancer or heart disease, but rather to see which ones could possibly impair mental functioning. I'm happy to say that your brother came through all the tests very well...except that last one where we experimented with using an enhanced small pox virus as a bioweapon. Since then he's just been sitting in the corner drooling on himself, but I assure you that he's being well cared for, and the doctors tell me that in a few more weeks the virus will be out of his body and it will be safe to start harvesting organs.

You ought to be proud of your brother! From what I understand, his tissue matches some pretty high-class clients. I can't release any names, but one of the wealthiest bankers on Wall Street will soon be a recipient of the spare kidney your brother doesn't need anyway. Even when your brother finally succumbs after the heart transplant scheduled for April, parts of him will in fact live on, contributing to lives and well-being of the job creators who have made America great! Think of it as achieving a kind of immortality. This is God's plan.

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Join: LANDOVER LEAGUE FOR CHILD PROTECTION!

I once was worked a summer at a Bible Camp. For some reason a busload of children with asperger and autism was sent there (obviously by mistake)....

Oh my God(tm)....was it called Camp Crystal Lake ? ? ? I saw a movie like that once ! ! !

How did you keep the autistic / assburger zombies from attacking you ? ? ?

[Russell Holbeck]

Re: Join: LANDOVER LEAGUE FOR CHILD PROTECTION!

I talked with a woman down the street her grandson had the autism. She told me it was a gift from God. I told her that gifts from God could be many things but I do not think He would make someone retarded as a gift unless He was trying to teach somebody a lesson.

She is a jew so she did not understand. I tried to tell her again but she had an appointment.

Thank you.

Rusty