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Pumpkin @!%#ing
I am terrified and outraged. After impeccable research involving hearsay and half-baked rumors, I have discovered a dangerous new craze sweeping our nation: pumpkin @!%#ing. It entails carving an enticing, O-shaped mouth on a pumpkin and then sticking one's tallywacker in the pseudo-mouth for self-gratification. Only under the Obama administration could something like this happen.
Obviously it takes a special kind of sicko to do something so abhorrent, and while I am always concerned about what other people do in the privacy of their own homes, this time I'm more concerned about a very real threat: half-human, half-pumpkin monsters. Depositing semen in a pumpkin could result in a nightmarish hybrid race.
What the nightmarish hybrid race might look like.
Now, I don't know much about genetics or hybridization. I do know that two distinct things can be made into a single, hideous entity, as is the case with ligers, brunch, and sporks. Sometimes the result is pure evil, as evidenced by TomKat.
This is our darkest hour, friends. I am petitioning everybody in Freehold to do their part to prevent these creatures from killing and/or enslaving mankind. We need to get these pumpkin @!%#ers behind bars where they can't commit their despicable deed. The police can set up checkpoints along all main roads to examine tallywackers for pulp and seeds. Civilians can spy on neighbors more than usual. And anyone that sees a half-human, half-pumpkin abomination should kill it on sight.
Another possibility of how these horrific, bloodthirsty freaks of nature might appear.
Obviously it takes a special kind of sicko to do something so abhorrent, and while I am always concerned about what other people do in the privacy of their own homes, this time I'm more concerned about a very real threat: half-human, half-pumpkin monsters. Depositing semen in a pumpkin could result in a nightmarish hybrid race.
What the nightmarish hybrid race might look like.
Now, I don't know much about genetics or hybridization. I do know that two distinct things can be made into a single, hideous entity, as is the case with ligers, brunch, and sporks. Sometimes the result is pure evil, as evidenced by TomKat.
This is our darkest hour, friends. I am petitioning everybody in Freehold to do their part to prevent these creatures from killing and/or enslaving mankind. We need to get these pumpkin @!%#ers behind bars where they can't commit their despicable deed. The police can set up checkpoints along all main roads to examine tallywackers for pulp and seeds. Civilians can spy on neighbors more than usual. And anyone that sees a half-human, half-pumpkin abomination should kill it on sight.
Another possibility of how these horrific, bloodthirsty freaks of nature might appear.
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