Halloween Costumes ILLEGAL in Freehold

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

We get many visitors who are very confused about Sister BTB's near-arrest after she was assaulted by illegal trick-or-treaters at the mall. I have conferred with Officer Richards and will now lay out for you the specifics about Halloween in Freehold:

First, Freehold is wholly owned by Landover Baptist Church. Every square inch. Everything from the downtown businesses to the high rises to the grandest estates sits on land owned by LBC. Homeowners do own their buildings, but the land is on 99-year renewable lease. So, none of this "public property" nonsense. There is no public property in Freehold. The streets and sidewalks are owned by LBC.

Halloween is Satan's birthday. It is a night of great evil.

God commands us to avoid all appearance of evil.

Within Freehold, where God's Law reigns, it is illegal to wear Halloween costumes or decorate one's home with Halloween decorations.

The punishment for wearing a Halloween costume depends upon the type of costume:

For something religious (Joseph, one of the prophets, a proper depiction of an angel), the wearer is loaded on a bus and sent to Des Moines for the night. They must find their own way home. It's a long walk.

For something mocking Catholicism or Islamofascism (the classic bomb-turban, or the pregnant nun, or the pedophile priest/altar boy), the same punishment. Be sure to wear your walking shoes.

Wearers of silly or commercial costumes (Dora the Harlot Explorer, etc.) receive 5 lashes in the Town Square.

Wearers of scary costumes (vampires, zombies, clowns, Obama) receive 10 lashes.

Wearers of blasphemous costumes (Virgin Mary, Black Jesus, Pastor Ezekiel/junior usher, etc.) receive 10 days incarceration, then 20 lashes and a $1,000 fine.

Wearers of evil costumes which promote witchcraft (witches, sorcerers, Harry Potter, Nancy Reagan) are dropped in the woods from helicopters during the Witch Hunt. Good luck surviving that!

Further, the guards will not allow anyone wearing a costume into any of the gated communities, under punishment of termination and excommunication.

Now, I hope this is finally clear to you all.

I did forget to ask the punishment for decorating one's house for Halloween, but from what I saw last year, I believe it involved removal of the decorations with lighter fluid and a match.

[Halleluyah Rob]

Re: Halloween Costumes ILLEGAL in Freehold

Is it okay if I dress up as Pastor Ezekiel the day AFTER Halloween?

He's my hero..

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Halloween Costumes ILLEGAL in Freehold

Is it okay if I dress up as Pastor Ezekiel the day AFTER Halloween?

He's my hero..

If you would like to be loaded onto a bus and sent to Des Moines for the night.

Unless you are dressing for the annual "Men and Women of God" Masquerade Ball, of course. While people typically dress as Bible characters for that, I have seen several dress as Pastor Ezekiel. One dressed as Rev. Jim Osborne last year, but the humor was not appreciated.

I am told that Rev. Jim was not even present when the little comedian's fat suit ruptured.

[ExGay Alex]

Re: Halloween Costumes ILLEGAL in Freehold

Now it all makes sense.


Halloween started as a gay tradition

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Halloween Costumes ILLEGAL in Freehold

Now it all makes sense.


Halloween started as a gay tradition

From the spread of disco in the 1970s -- to the habit of paying money for sparkling waters such as Perrier -- culminating in Halloween, gays have incubated and developed major cultural trends. Straights adopt, and then ungratefully forget whom they are adopting from -- just as American Christians forget how much of the modern Christmas music they enjoy was written by Jews, starting with the most popular of them all, Irving Berlin's "White Christmas." The majority culture forgets what the minority culture has produced.

David Frum does know what he is talking about. As a prominent NOT gay Republican he has always taken a wide stance on the issue of open homosexuality. You can be sure when those Halloween Parties started in the 1970s Mr Frum was there wagging his finger to scolding them.

[Foul Nazi Pig]

Re: Halloween Costumes ILLEGAL in Freehold

Why would the Gestapo concern themselves with Halloween costumes?

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Halloween Costumes ILLEGAL in Freehold

Why would the Gestapo concern themselves with Halloween costumes?

I don't know, why?

(Er, I assume you're telling a joke, you being a Nazi and all.)

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Halloween Costumes ILLEGAL in Freehold

I don't know, why?

(Er, I assume you're telling a joke, you being a Nazi and all.)

Yes, I though Democrats love being in disguise, like pretending to be REAL Americas while secretly piloting to socialize everything. As the article said San Fransisco started it back in the '70s in the Castro.

[thornycrownlover]

Re: Halloween Costumes ILLEGAL in Freehold

Wait so if I go to Freehold, I can flog people for wearing Halloween costumes? That is awesome! Also where is this place?

[thornycrownlover]

Re: Halloween Costumes ILLEGAL in Freehold

I am sorry brother lamb, for I had not read the "noob" article, as I should have. As you could see from the original post, the phrase "town square" could lead individuals not familiar with Freehold to believe that Freehold is, in fact, a town.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Halloween Costumes ILLEGAL in Freehold

I am sorry brother lamb, for I had not read the "noob" article, as I should have. As you could see from the original post, the phrase "town square" could lead individuals not familiar with Freehold to believe that Freehold is, in fact, a town.

It is.

It just happens to be wholly owned by Landover Baptist Church. As clearly stated in the second paragraph of the original post, which you apparently did not bother to read.

Are you an employee of or approved volunteer for the Freehold Police Department? If not, then no, you may not flog anybody in Freehold.