To whoever has been drinking Coca Cola in the church, STOP IT!

[Uncle Rutherford]

I was cleanin’ the church this mornin’ doing my diligence for God and to help my tithes when I discovered some empty Coca Cola bottles. I thought it was perfectly clear that OUR PRESIDENT Donald J Trump and M̶a̶s̶t̶e̶r̶ Pastor Ezekiel said to boycott Coca Cola. Now I don’t know who did it and I ain’t touching them so as to get my fingerprints on them and end up wrongly accused of not heeding the boycott. I will say this though, when M̶a̶s̶t̶e̶r̶ Pastor Ezekiel finds out who did this, he will not be happy. I fully intend on showing him later today as I always tell him about the misbehaviors of trouble makers. If these are your Coca Cola bottles, come clean them up NOW!

[handmaiden]

Re: To whoever has been drinking Coca Cola in the church, STOP IT!

I was cleanin’ the church this mornin’ doing my diligence for God and to help my tithes when I discovered some empty Coca Cola bottles. I thought it was perfectly clear that OUR PRESIDENT Donald J Trump and M̶a̶s̶t̶e̶r̶ Pastor Ezekiel said to boycott Coca Cola. Now I don’t know who did it and I ain’t touching them so as to get my fingerprints on them and end up wrongly accused of not heeding the boycott. I will say this though, when M̶a̶s̶t̶e̶r̶ Pastor Ezekiel finds out who did this, he will not be happy. I fully intend on showing him later today as I always tell him about the misbehaviors of trouble makers. If these are your Coca Cola bottles, come clean them up NOW!

Dear Uncle R, you know that I can't afford to relocate to Landover but must remain here in Catholic-ridden Bawlmer. But I am so sorry that some on-site members of the church don't realize how important the boycott of the Coca-Cola company is to Donald Trump and Jesus.


I hear that the Landover police department is no longer using Coke to clean the blood stains off the highway after certain uncooperative individuals accidentally lose control of their cars due to mysteriously faulty brakes.

[Isabella White]

Re: To whoever has been drinking Coca Cola in the church, STOP IT!

I was cleanin’ the church this mornin’ doing my diligence for God and to help my tithes when I discovered some empty Coca Cola bottles. I thought it was perfectly clear that OUR PRESIDENT Donald J Trump and M̶a̶s̶t̶e̶r̶ Pastor Ezekiel said to boycott Coca Cola. Now I don’t know who did it and I ain’t touching them so as to get my fingerprints on them and end up wrongly accused of not heeding the boycott. I will say this though, when M̶a̶s̶t̶e̶r̶ Pastor Ezekiel finds out who did this, he will not be happy. I fully intend on showing him later today as I always tell him about the misbehaviors of trouble makers. If these are your Coca Cola bottles, come clean them up NOW!

Oh, this is such an outrage, dear Mr. Rutherford. It's uncalled for, and it's an affront to the values that we hold so dearly. If those big corporations would mind their own business, as instructed by fearless Mitch McConnell, then we wouldn't have these interferences in our midst. And, we must remember what the glorious has to say about obeying the orders from our leaders. Now, is it really worth risking the wrath of Almighty to not obey?

Hebrews 13:17 "Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you."

You've done the right thing, Mr. Rutherford, by informing our beloved of this travesty. Why, I wouldn't have that dreaded Coke in my gracious home, and I wouldn't want to find it in a place where people congregate!

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: To whoever has been drinking Coca Cola in the church, STOP IT!

Those bottles are mine. I used them to smuggle carry whiskey to keep me, eh, alert. My wife used to clean them up but for some reason she stopped doing that. As soon as I figure out where she went I will give her a well deserved beating for that.

I thought Donald Trump drank Coca Cola all the time, I must have missed that changing. My apologies, I seem to be getting forgetful lately.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: To whoever has been drinking Coca Cola in the church, STOP IT!

As I recall, the Christian community has been boycotting Coca Cola long before Trump told us to. Forget about their evil promotion of interracial marriage and multiculturism in their advertisements over the past decade. Coke has been spewing saliva and urine on Jesus since the 1930s! Just look at this abomination:

[Isabella White]

Re: To whoever has been drinking Coca Cola in the church, STOP IT!

As I recall, the Christian community has been boycotting Coca Cola long before Trump told us to. Forget about their evil promotion of interracial marriage and multiculturism in their advertisements over the past decade. Coke has been spewing saliva and urine on Jesus since the 1930s! Just look at this abomination:

Well, I must say: I am not surprised, dear Brother Lukes -- not in the slightest! We have known all along that "Santa" is really SATAN. Any fool can see that the letters in the name are just re-arranged. So, this comes as no shock to know that "Santa" has been insulting and attacking the blessed Name of our , the .

For centuries before this Coke campaign began, he has been lying to the people, and this is just more of the same. As you shall see in the attached photograph, the intentions of the "Santa" devil are very clear to the people, here at !

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: To whoever has been drinking Coca Cola in the church, STOP IT!

Those bottles are mine. I used them to smuggle carry whiskey to keep me, eh, alert. My wife used to clean them up but for some reason she stopped doing that. As soon as I figure out where she went I will give her a well deserved beating for that.

I thought Donald Trump drank Coca Cola all the time, I must have missed that changing. My apologies, I seem to be getting forgetful lately.

Since it was your wife doing this, she will have to come clean them up herself. I brought Pastor Ezekiel over saying it was urgent and to take a look. He saw them, turned to me, and said “I don’t have time for this. I am much too busy to be dealing with this” and stormed off. Brother Cranky, I know you, a heavenly pinnacle of True Christian ™️ faith would never do such a terrible thing like leaving Coca Cola bottles in the church no worries. I pray that the beatings you inflict upon your wife will ensure she will not make the same mistake twice.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: To whoever has been drinking Coca Cola in the church, STOP IT!

I pray that the beatings you inflict upon your wife will ensure she will not make the same mistake twice.

We are all optimistic that Brother Cranky will be able to find his dear wife in order to chastise her. But, after all this time, it does seem unlikely and I fear that she may have gone the way of Mrs Hutchins. Both are sorely missed by the Ladies of Landover, who continue to pray for their safe return to their dear husbands.

[Felicity]

Re: To whoever has been drinking Coca Cola in the church, STOP IT!

I cleaned up the Coca Cola bottles.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: To whoever has been drinking Coca Cola in the church, STOP IT!

C*ca C*la is one of the worst offenders for using subluminal messages. For those who don't know, this is when innocent advertisements or artwork contain secret text and visual tricks to make you think of something you wouldn't normally do. Because of my training I can see these more clearly than normal people - I have highlighted just a few examples in the images below. Caution: do not look if you are easily manipulated!

The top row shows some simple training examples seen in the wild that should be clear to the men. Ladies - ask your husbands to point it out. The bottom row is the dangerous C*ke advertisement. On the right I have exposed the ethereal text using a special filter. There are dozens more there for anyone who looks closely.
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[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: To whoever has been drinking Coca Cola in the church, STOP IT!

Yes, Coke at one time used to be a symbol of American Greatness. Starting in 1971 the globalist new world order started with the sinister Council on Foreign Relations, and it's been downhill ever since.

Singing in "perfect harmony" is one world communist government with one yoke of slavery for all mankind. That red logo represents "red" communism - you might as well call it commie cola.

[Isabella White]

Re: To whoever has been drinking Coca Cola in the church, STOP IT!

Yes, Coke at one time used to be a symbol of American Greatness. Starting in 1971 the globalist new world order started with the sinister Council on Foreign Relations, and it's been downhill ever since.

Singing in "perfect harmony" is one world communist government with one yoke of slavery for all mankind. That red logo represents "red" communism - you might as well call it commie cola.

Oh, my; yes, indeed, dear Brother Bryan: I do recall when this cola drink was a product of which one could be justifiably proud. However, I stopped buying it even earlier than 1971 -- probably around 1967, or whenever they started using screaming, jungle people to advertise for them!

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: To whoever has been drinking Coca Cola in the church, STOP IT!

Yes, Coke at one time used to be a symbol of American Greatness. Starting in 1971 the globalist new world order started with the sinister Council on Foreign Relations, and it's been downhill ever since.

Singing in "perfect harmony" is one world communist government with one yoke of slavery for all mankind. That red logo represents "red" communism - you might as well call it commie cola.

Commie Cola sounds terrifying, but Coca Cola really does strike at the heart of the matter. When opioid addict John Pemberton wanted to look for a new way to get high, he mixed up water, sugar, coca leaves (which Spicks mash up to make cocaine), and cola nuts (a stimulant the spades over in Africa chew to get all hepped up on) and then pushed the unholy concoction on an unsuspecting public.