Let's Play: "Would a Christian Rather..."

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

I'd like us to have a new slogan. Instead of "unsaved unwelcome", let's try "unsaved welcome to lose debates."

Yeah, might need some polishing.

What could also use some polishing is our own debate skills.

To practice, we are going to play a game based on "Would You Rather". The players are presented with a bizarre hypothetical choice, between A or B. Player (or team) A gives a reason why the readers should choose option A. Player (or team) B gives a reason why the readers should choose option B.

I'll start:

Would a Christian Rather:

A. Inhale an entire beehive of bees, one bee at a time
B. Eat your own vomit, while on all fours like a dog

Because I'm the first one here, I'll choose A. This is because option B means behaving like a fool: Proverbs 26:11

And as for the bees, don't worry, if they are Godly they can survive in my lungs just like Jonas survived in the Great Fish.

[Sally Paulson]

Re: Let's Play: "Would a Christian Rather..."

I'll join you on team A, because stinging insects have already done the work of the LORD:

Exodus 23:28, Deuteronomy 7:20, Joshua 24:12

I could rout mighty armies with a single sneeze! With one huff and puff I win the War Of Alaskan Independence!

Unless the feds have iron chariots, anyway.

[Trent Harvey, Jr.]

Re: Let's Play: "Would a Christian Rather..."

I'll choose the vomit one.

No Biblical reason, I'm just really hungry.

Oh, though I'd only eat the vomit if I had a good meal beforehand.

Right now there would just be dry heaving and a bit of mystery fluid.

[Unfalsifiable]

Re: Let's Play: "Would a Christian Rather..."

Much like to author of Psalm 118 I am not afraid of bees:


They compassed me about like bees: they are quenched as the fire of thorns: for in the name of the Lord I will destroy them.

[Social Construct]

Re: Let's Play: "Would a Christian Rather..."

Is it vegan vomit?

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: Let's Play: "Would a Christian Rather..."

I declare "Option Bee" (not to be confused with option b) the winner.

Next round:

Would a Christian Rather:

A. Have the direction of your digestive system reversed, as in, your food goes in your back parts and your dung comes out your mouth
OR.
B. have sweat consisting of poison ivy goo, skunk spray, and spraytan (not Brother Trumps glorious spraytan, I mean that lame pandering stuff that Mitt Romney used).

Is it vegan vomit?

It was veal, eaten by it's own mother, while listening to My Chemical Romance during a lithium overdose.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Let's Play: "Would a Christian Rather..."

Malachi 2:3 - this passage presents face manure, regardless of how the feast was consumed, as Divinely authored corruption.

II Peter 1:4 - explains how Christians have escaped corruption.

Poison ivy sounds poisonous to me and I don't know what happens if skunk juice is consumed. I do know Mrs Harbord would not approve. God however has covered this, including cheap Asian-manufactured spray tan which probably contains arsenic, so I'm going with option b.

Acts 28:3, 5 - Drinking skunk or ivy juice is a voluntary thing. Your question requires involuntary toxins so I'll offer Paul's Deadly Viper as an example.

[Social Construct]

Re: Let's Play: "Would a Christian Rather..."

Option B doesn't say anything about drinking, the concoction in question oozes through your pores when you sweat.

Poison ivy sounds poisonous to me and I don't know what happens if skunk juice is consumed.

Poison Ivy makes your skin itch, like what a person with opiate dependence experiences.

Skunk spray makes you smell in a way that is contrary to western hegemonic beauty standards, and spraytan allows white people to appropriate brown beauty without getting skin cancer.

So in short, with option B I could be educated in the lived experience of an opiate-depended brown person with extreme irritable bowel syndrome.

With option A I would become a fanatical toothbrusher, never suffering tooth decay, which would give me flawlessly shining white teeth, like what Black people have, which means I would be guilty of the sin of (partial) blackface.

For that reason I choose Option B, and if anyone plugs their nose in my presence, I hereby call you out/rebuke you for a microaggression that perpetuates hegemonic western beauty standards.

[Jack Nasty]

Re: Let's Play: "Would a Christian Rather..."

I declare "Option Bee" (not to be confused with option b) the winner.

Next round:

Would a Christian Rather:

A. Have the direction of your digestive system reversed, as in, your food goes in your back parts and your dung comes out your mouth
OR.
B. have sweat consisting of poison ivy goo, skunk spray, and spraytan (not Brother Trumps glorious spraytan, I mean that lame pandering stuff that Mitt Romney used).

That one's really a no-brainer. I once worked at a Waffle House where we had more than our fair share of True Christian™ diners, and the smell and skin gunk were already present upon them. I had my own stock of vapor rub in the back that I prepared my nostrils with whenever I saw those red caps approaching.

The only part that I can't speak to is the poison ivy bit, as I took great care to never make physical contact with these people. Still, a bit of itchiness in addition to the already-present greasiness and uh... "aroma" should be no big ordeal to you godly folk. It's definitely preferable to having dung come out the wrong end, I'm sure!

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Let's Play: "Would a Christian Rather..."

Option B doesn't say anything about drinking, the concoction in question oozes through your pores when you sweat.

Yes, it's possible for involuntary exposure and upon reflection, it's not impossible to be voluntarily bitten by snakes. But whether exuding from the pores of the skin or eaten in a spiked cake, such poisons or toxins or irritants have no effect on Christians, just as God promised.

[Regens Kuechl]

Re: Let's Play: "Would a Christian Rather..."

I declare "Option Bee" (not to be confused with option b) the winner.

Next round:

Would a Christian Rather:

A. Have the direction of your digestive system reversed, as in, your food goes in your back parts and your dung comes out your mouth
OR.
B. have sweat consisting of poison ivy goo, skunk spray, and spraytan (not Brother Trumps glorious spraytan, I mean that lame pandering stuff that Mitt Romney used).

Gruess Gott


If I were to swallow chocolate with my Behind, my [back parts] would have it easy to attract a little Boy !!
So I opt for Option A !!!


HA, HA!