Freehold's Summer Festival Schedule released

[H. Montague Worthington]

The summer festival schedule for 2010 was just released in this morning's Truth and Light. Here are a few of my favorite events....

Freehold Pork Festival, May 5-9, Freehold County Fairgrounds
The ninth annual Freehold Pork Festival is a celebration of everything pig. Enjoy home-cooked pork recipes from around the county. Shop for pig-inspired arts and crafts—paintings, stuffed animals, wood carvings, quilts, and pillows. And be sure to see the re-match between NewsCenter 38 anchorwoman Jo Ann Stevens and Oinky McOinky in the Woman Vs. Pig wrestling match.

Freehold Founders Days, May 13-16, Main St. between Helms and Lewis, Downtown Freehold
The City of Freehold honors its founding with a re-enactment of the Indian "relocation" by the slaves, er, servants of the founders. Learn how the founders made rudimentary trampolines from the skins of Indian children. The teepee torching and “rifle salute” at sundown is a timeless Freehold tradition.

Jigaboo Chase Fun Run, May 22nd, Downtown Freehold
Join 950 other Freehold area runners in a 5K “mock” jigaboo chase. This year’s guest jigaboo: Clifton Davis, star of "That's My Mama" and "Amen!"

Taste of Freehold, June 19-27, Nathan Bedford Forrest Square, Downtown Freehold
Sample the diverse tastes of Freehold’s many interesting restaurants in bite-sized portions. Among the popular bill of fare: Fried Pancakes from Aunt Polly’s Family Restaurant; Garlic Breadsticks from Olive Garden®; Fried Pork skins from T.J. O’Bennigan’s Family Food Factory™; Potato Ice Cream from R.J. McStuffingham’s Good Time Food Company®; and Bologna and Peanut Butter Sandwiches on Wonder Bread from Freehold Diner.

Minstrel Days, July 23-25, City Hall Lawn, Main St. and Lewis, Downtown Freehold
Not many people know that Freehold originated many of the Jim Crow laws that were adopted throughout the state during the late 1800s. Minstrel Days is a delightful festival that allows Freeholders to re-live those bygone times with minstrel shows, watermelon eating contests, a Dunk the Uppity Jigaboo machine, an historical re-enactment of the Freehold Lynchings of 1937, and period arts and crafts.

White American Heritage Handicrafts and Art Fair, August 14-22, Freehold Convention Center
The 39th Annual White American Heritage Handicrafts and Art Fair presents dozens of folk artists, arts and crafts vendors, musicians, storytellers and hobbyists displaying a wide variety art and handicrafts from White American culture. Enjoy banjo players, baked goods, antiques, NASCAR souvenirs, Klan memorabilia, coon shoots, lynch noose tying contests, and marksmanship contests.

True Christian™ Praise Music Jamboree, September 17-19, Stephen Collins Foster Concert Hall, Landover Baptist University
Over 30 different acts will perform as America's greatest True Christian Praise Musicians gather for a weekend of glorious music at Landover Baptist University's Stephen Collins Foster Concert Hall, including The Cooper Family feat. Joyce Cooper, The Christian Crusaders, Rev. Frank Gonzales and The God Squad, The McKeithens, The McDonald Sisters, Ol' Brother Wilfred's Traveling Gospel Singers, The Men's Ministry Choir, and 1980s hair band Poison.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Freehold's Summer Festival Schedule released

Shout Glory!!!

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Freehold's Summer Festival Schedule released

Minstrel Days, July 23-25, City Hall Lawn, Main St. and Lewis, Downtown Freehold
Not many people know that Freehold originated many of the Jim Crow laws that were adopted throughout the state during the late 1800s. Minstrel Days is a delightful festival that allows Freeholders to re-live those bygone times with minstrel shows, watermelon eating contests, a Dunk the Uppity Jigaboo machine, an historical re-enactment of the Freehold Lynchings of 1937, and period arts and crafts.

People, if you're not here in downtown right now, you're missing out on some great fun! Shoes are being shined for only 10 cents, just like the good ol' days. I've noticed the attendance is a little bit low. Maybe it's the oppressing heat, but I think Freehold residents are hesitant to go to a place where so many negroes are congregating at once.

Notice: There are no actual negroes at the Minstrel Festival.

Freehold Police Dept. decided it would be an endangerment to the society to have real, live negroes in attendance so all "negroes" are actually morally upright White People. So come to downtown and have fun. You won't have to worry about your car getting stolen or your wife raped by a pack of negroes. It's a fun and safe experience for the whole family!

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Freehold's Summer Festival Schedule released

I spent the afternoon in my prayer closet (and Mr. Whitford doesn't like me participating in Minstrel Days anymore, the blackface disturbs him), but I sent the children out with the nannies and hopefully valuable lessons will have been learned! And hopefully for the children too!

[SUV]

Re: Freehold's Summer Festival Schedule released

I'm on my way to go and get Porked RIGHT NOW!

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Freehold's Summer Festival Schedule released

People, if you're not here in downtown right now, you're missing out on some great fun! Shoes are being shined for only 10 cents, just like the good ol' days. I've noticed the attendance is a little bit low. Maybe it's the oppressing heat, but I think Freehold residents are hesitant to go to a place where so many negroes are congregating at once.

Notice: There are no actual negroes at the Minstrel Festival.

Freehold Police Dept. decided it would be an endangerment to the society to have real, live negroes in attendance so all "negroes" are actually morally upright White People. So come to downtown and have fun. You won't have to worry about your car getting stolen or your wife raped by a pack of negroes. It's a fun and safe experience for the whole family!

I am sorry that I left town and missed the festival I did not realize it was a real event. When I saw the announcement on the Church noticeboard I thought this ''Festival'' was more, in name only. One of those ''concessions '' made for the benefit of some politician, somewhere. I will put in on my calendar for next year, for sure.As a concession I stopped by a KFC and 100 family buckets of fried chicken should be delivered at 6pm, could someone please inform the guards at the gate.

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: Freehold's Summer Festival Schedule released

It's too bad that Ribfest had to be cancelled this year. The organizers should have realized that people these days have short attention spans, what with tweeting and facebook updates nobody can remember the Ribfest food poisoning incident of 2009 (AKA the "oh-nine Summer Craptacular").

As for the Freehold Film Festival, rumors say it might return sometime in the fall, once all those "piracy" issues are worked out. The organizers promise, at the very least, no repeats of the infamous "cellphone footage of a TV rerun of The Fountainhead" that brought so many complaints (though I thought including the commercials was a wonderfuly capitalist touch).

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Freehold's Summer Festival Schedule released

White American Heritage Handicrafts and Art Fair, August 14-22, Freehold Convention Center
The 39th Annual White American Heritage Handicrafts and Art Fair presents dozens of folk artists, arts and crafts vendors, musicians, storytellers and hobbyists displaying a wide variety art and handicrafts from White American culture. Enjoy banjo players, baked goods, antiques, NASCAR souvenirs, Klan memorabilia, coon shoots, lynch noose tying contests, and marksmanship contests.

I'm excited to announce for the first time we are going to have real life negroes participating as targets. There was a controversy over this since people thought it was a public safety issue to allow actual negroes in the town. But the other side pointed out that it would be much more satisfying to shoot at actual negroes instead of our neighbors and friends dressed up in blackface.

The coon shoot costs $49 per adult, $29 for children under 12. Don't worry, we're not actually going to be killing these poor negroes with firearms, instead we are using (somewhat relatively) safe high-FPS Airsoft rifles and paintball guns. They will NOT be wearing protection of any kind, so please try and stay away from the head or the crotch. Let's not hurt them too bad.

The main venue will take place in the wooded area off Redemption Rd. in North Freehold. You can bring your own airsoft/paintball guns, but weapons will be provided for those who don't have any.

First prize is a $500 gift certificate to Freehold Firearms (thanks Bob4God for your generous support!).

[Timofey]

Re: Freehold's Summer Festival Schedule released

Oh I wish I could leave California and attend
Next year or bust!!

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: Freehold's Summer Festival Schedule released

They will NOT be wearing protection of any kind, so please try and stay away from the head or the crotch. Let's not hurt them too bad.

I'll point out that when it comes to negros, the crotch area is defined as "between the bellybutton and knees". (This is for both negros and negresses).

[Nathan B. Forrest]

Re: Freehold's Summer Festival Schedule released

Don't worry, we're not actually going to be killing these poor negroes with firearms, instead we are using (somewhat relatively) safe high-FPS Airsoft rifles and paintball guns. They will NOT be wearing protection of any kind, so please try and stay away from the head or the crotch. Let's not hurt them too bad.

Well, I'm a bit disappointed, but I guess we can have just as much fun with the Airsoft guns. I don't suppose we could use red-colored paintballs to keep it closer to reality? That would be great!