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  • Brother Enoch
    The Godliest Man in Godless Canuckistan
    True Christian™
    • Jun 2008
    • 4392
    #1

    Why is the US underperforming at the Gimp Olympics (paralympics)?

    I don't get it. The pretend Olympics for the crippleds is on right now in Canuckistan, and the US is in 7th place in the standings. Russia is first with 28 medals, the US has just 4. Way behind pretend countries like Belarus and Ukraine. What's up?

    I mean, we have a never ending supply of Godly US soldiers coming back from Afghanistan and Iraqistan with blown off arms and legs, so shouldn't the US be leading the medal totals? Who is fitter than part of an American Soldier or Marine?
    Tags: None
    • Rev. Jim Osborne
      True Christian™ Televangelist
      Director of Fundraising and Tithing
      On the Look Out for Wife #6!
      True Christian™
      • Jun 2009
      • 8622
      #2
      Re: Why is the US underperforming at the Gimp Olympics (paralympi

      Brother, while I do share your immense patriotism and desire to see the United States succeed in all of its endeavours, perhaps we can look upon this as a good thing. Our lack of success in the Paralympics shows that God loves the United States enough not to curse us by overburdening us with gimps, cripples, and retards. In fact, I'm glad Russia is winning, because it shows how much God hates them.

      Russia: Full of vodka, mafia, commies, and gimps on steroids.

      Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

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        • eliot mayfield
          God Squad
          True Christian™
          • Sep 2006
          • 9324
          #3
          Re: Why is the US underperforming at the Gimp Olympics (paralympi

          Yes, we should be in last place except for the homers that cause God to be angry with us.
          Matthew:
          5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
          5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
          10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
          10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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            • Brother Enoch
              The Godliest Man in Godless Canuckistan
              True Christian™
              • Jun 2008
              • 4392
              #4
              Re: Why is the US underperforming at the Gimp Olympics (paralympi

              Hmmm. I can see your points.

              Even though a gimp marine has got to be fitter than some drunk russian who lost his legs in a farming accident, our marines have too much self respect to join the circus. Even when they're just 60% of a marine.

                Comment

                • James Hutchins
                  True Christian™
                  Just a Regular Nice Guy
                   
                  • Jun 2009
                  • 29453
                  #5
                  Re: Why is the US underperforming at the Gimp Olympics (paralympi

                  Originally posted by Brother Enoch View Post
                  Hmmm. I can see your points.

                  Even though a gimp marine has got to be fitter than some drunk russian who lost his legs in a farming accident, our marines have too much self respect to join the circus. Even when they're just 60% of a marine.
                  Praise Jesus!
                  Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                  Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                  Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                  Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                  Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                  Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                    Comment

                    • Pastor Ezekiel
                      Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                       
                      • Sep 2006
                      • 78556
                      #6
                      Re: Why is the US underperforming at the Gimp Olympics (paralympi

                      What's the difference between the cripple Olympics and the retard Olympics? God hates them both equally.
                      Who Will Jesus Damn?

                      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

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                        • GodIsAlmighty
                          True Christian™
                          True Christian™
                          • Jan 2010
                          • 184
                          #7
                          Re: Why is the US underperforming at the Gimp Olympics (paralympi

                          I'm sure there's way more retards and cripples in the Godless cat-lick countries than the US, so that's probably why.
                          Follow me on Thefacebook! http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?...00000884272376

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