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Re: WWJD: What Would Jesus Drive?
Jesus wouldnt be seen DEAD in an AUTOMATIC. STRICTLY STICK SHIFT. Automatics are for chicks. Jesus would scorn Fuel injection, be supercharged, and go for massive 4 barrel carbys with K&N air filters and he'd have a LUMPY CAMSHAFT. Jesus would have Nitrous injection too, all the time and A TWIN TURBO.
Any car Jesus drove would have a Ford 9" diff. Period.
Jesus would be able to Drive from coast to coast drifting the entire way. and able to pick up chicks with the tyres still spinning, smoking and squealing. Jesus would always run on slicks, even in the wet and he'd never get bogged when he went OFFROAD.
Just like Jesus, the car would never suffer from oversteer, understeer or any type of handling problem, and if he was ever asked to do time trials at suzuka, or Nurburgring or he'd say "Tempt me not Satan, begone!" but you just KNOW that if he DID do a TIME TRIAL he'd get the fastest ever qualifying time in the history of motor sport. And thats in a SUV!
In Jesus garage, he'd have A TEAM OF ANGELS AS HIS PIT CREW and he'd get new tyres and fuel faster than Dale Earnhardt, Ayrton Senna and Michael Andretti put together. Mechanical repairs would be fixed with just a wave of his hand and he could turn water into petrol, or even AVGAS.
If Jesus raced against you you could only ever win silver, but you'd get to stand next to him on the winners podium FOR EVER and he'd lift your hand up too when he waved to the crowd. Jesus would never need to PEE IN HIS RACE SUIT.
Jesus would only have LYNYRD SKYNYRD AND BUCKCHERRY cds in his 2000 stacker cd player that also played mp3s, and you would be able to hear all the words to the songs OVER THE NOISE OF THE MOTOR, AND SQUEALING TYRES even when he hit the NITROUS.
If Jesus took his SUV off-road for a holiday, he'd have enough room for all his friends and their bags too, and his fishing boat wouldnt even need a motor, and they'd all catch all the fish they wanted and it would never rain on Jesus' holidays, EXCEPT ON THE LAST DAY AFTER THEY HAD PACKED UP THEIR TENTS and they were already driving home.
I'd love to go camping with Jesus. And Hunting too - but Jesus might shoot everything before you had a chance to, so I'm not too sure about that. He'd probably let you bag a few of your own, but he'd get to shoot the BIGGEST GODDAMN GRIZZLY EVER and also THE BIGGEST MOOSE, and his Hunting Lodge WOULD ALWAYS HAVE FOOD AND FIREWOOD AND THE ROOF WOULDN'T LEAK AND THERE'D BE NO POSSUMS OR RACCONS LIVING IN IT WHEN HE BROUGHT HIS FRIENDS AROUND. Jesus hunting lodge would also have CABLE TV.
Who wouldn't want to be Jesus' friend with all that cool stuff?
Jesus wouldnt be seen DEAD in an AUTOMATIC. STRICTLY STICK SHIFT. Automatics are for chicks. Jesus would scorn Fuel injection, be supercharged, and go for massive 4 barrel carbys with K&N air filters and he'd have a LUMPY CAMSHAFT. Jesus would have Nitrous injection too, all the time and A TWIN TURBO.
Any car Jesus drove would have a Ford 9" diff. Period.
Jesus would be able to Drive from coast to coast drifting the entire way. and able to pick up chicks with the tyres still spinning, smoking and squealing. Jesus would always run on slicks, even in the wet and he'd never get bogged when he went OFFROAD.
Just like Jesus, the car would never suffer from oversteer, understeer or any type of handling problem, and if he was ever asked to do time trials at suzuka, or Nurburgring or he'd say "Tempt me not Satan, begone!" but you just KNOW that if he DID do a TIME TRIAL he'd get the fastest ever qualifying time in the history of motor sport. And thats in a SUV!
In Jesus garage, he'd have A TEAM OF ANGELS AS HIS PIT CREW and he'd get new tyres and fuel faster than Dale Earnhardt, Ayrton Senna and Michael Andretti put together. Mechanical repairs would be fixed with just a wave of his hand and he could turn water into petrol, or even AVGAS.
If Jesus raced against you you could only ever win silver, but you'd get to stand next to him on the winners podium FOR EVER and he'd lift your hand up too when he waved to the crowd. Jesus would never need to PEE IN HIS RACE SUIT.
Jesus would only have LYNYRD SKYNYRD AND BUCKCHERRY cds in his 2000 stacker cd player that also played mp3s, and you would be able to hear all the words to the songs OVER THE NOISE OF THE MOTOR, AND SQUEALING TYRES even when he hit the NITROUS.
If Jesus took his SUV off-road for a holiday, he'd have enough room for all his friends and their bags too, and his fishing boat wouldnt even need a motor, and they'd all catch all the fish they wanted and it would never rain on Jesus' holidays, EXCEPT ON THE LAST DAY AFTER THEY HAD PACKED UP THEIR TENTS and they were already driving home.
I'd love to go camping with Jesus. And Hunting too - but Jesus might shoot everything before you had a chance to, so I'm not too sure about that. He'd probably let you bag a few of your own, but he'd get to shoot the BIGGEST GODDAMN GRIZZLY EVER and also THE BIGGEST MOOSE, and his Hunting Lodge WOULD ALWAYS HAVE FOOD AND FIREWOOD AND THE ROOF WOULDN'T LEAK AND THERE'D BE NO POSSUMS OR RACCONS LIVING IN IT WHEN HE BROUGHT HIS FRIENDS AROUND. Jesus hunting lodge would also have CABLE TV.
Who wouldn't want to be Jesus' friend with all that cool stuff?
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