[Alvin Moss]

Re: Rumors you have heard about Maurice Lester?

He seems somewhat worldly, even for a Roman. I believe he may be involved with the Vatican Bank.

[Attila's Wife]

Re: Rumors you have heard about Maurice Lester?

How old is he? Because they never caught the guy who strung up Roberto Calvi in 1982.

[Wide-Open]

Re: Rumors you have heard about Maurice Lester?

How old is he?

We are pretty sure he's about 95, but looks younger because he drinks choir boy bodily fluids.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Rumors you have heard about Maurice Lester?

That was clearly the work of the Jesuits.

Upon reflection, this Lester fellow talks like a Jesuit and doesn't seem to have much to do, even more so than the usual Roman priest. That seems like one of those spies who claims to be a cultural attaché who goes around to art shows and such, but is really up to no good.

I believe he is likely a Jesuit and thus knows the identity of the killers, if he is not one himself. That would explain why he comes to this site to vex honest Christians. Ignatius Loyola started up that cult to combat Christianity, which was then spreading throughout formerly Roman areas. That is still their focus. He is here to cause us troubles and vexations.

We should hunt him down and bring him to Jesus.

[Attila's Wife]

Re: Rumors you have heard about Maurice Lester?

That was clearly the work of the Jesuits.

Upon reflection, this Lester fellow talks like a Jesuit ....

Do you think so? I was under the impression that Jesuits were better educated in the art of argument. The Lester excrescence sounds more like someone from Opus Dei.

I obviously agree that we should hunt him down and bring him to Jesus, though! Or maybe just hunt him down.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Rumors you have heard about Maurice Lester?

It is possible he could be extradited. There is no Italian consulate nearby, but there is a Mexican Consulate here in San Antonio. There are Mexican diplomats there who have opened this office to facilitate the payment of bribes. They don't do much, but perhaps they would handle our demands in order to seem diplomatic.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Rumors you have heard about Maurice Lester?

I've heard the many homofaquals dislike him because he (and I quote):

Lester gives our race a bad name

I've noticed the new pope has kept his distance, unlike that buddy of his in Germany. What was the nickname that guy had for Lester... ah yes, 'Marvelous Maurice'.

[Father Maurice Lester]

Re: Rumors you have heard about Maurice Lester?

I remember that fateful day over a decade ago when Cardinal Pfister called me to his office. His sense of urgency on the phone had me thinking that one or two of his Caravaggios had once again been splattered in a cooking incident and admittedly I was somewhat perturbed that he had refused my suggestion to move the paintings from his kitchen and hang them in the vestibule but this was not to be the case.

When I arrived there was a decanted bottle of '47 Petrus Pomerol at the ready and he started by toasting the Vatican Museum's recent success in acquiring three (more) late period Titians for John Paul's residence. I felt the celebration uncalled for as I was only doing my humble job but sharing a glass or two of decent table wine with the Cardinal was always a pleasure and I sought to look at the bright side of the equation.

By the second glass his then personal secretary, Brother Niall Downes, had joined us and proffered up some Beaufort D'Ete and a few grapes to help ward off the mid-afternoon peckishness. Having recently returned from Notre Dame Cathedral I had a hunch something was up and began to wonder about this gathering while more than a little concerned I might, once again, be re-assigned to some outpost in need of my simple talents when Cardinal Pfister dropped the bombshell on our proceedings.

"The Pope wants you to construct and direct a viable internet strategy to help promote The Church to a new generation as well as to combat the endless lies we face and, if possible, convert those very liars into good Catholics."

I was quite taken aback by this request as my training was in fine arts and music but back then when the Pope said jump you answered 'how high' in Polish.

We retreated to the Cardinal's office where-upon Brother Downes presented me with a power-point presentation that, frankly, shocked me beyond the pale.

In front of me was a stunning collection of lies, misrepresentations and slanders of Biblical proportion, many of them courtesy of The Landrover Baptwit Church, that clearly were directed by Satan himself in an effort to undermine the very Church Jesus Himself built on the rock of Saint Peter.

It was clear this would be no easy task (speaking of which, did Daisy ever get married?) and that an inordinate amount of guile, cunning and patience would be needed to deal with yet another of the Devil's evil constructs.

There was no question about accepting the proposal and upon doing so was told that Brother Downes would be working with the new team as my assistant and liaison to Cardinal Pfister. Little did we know what lay in store or just how successful we would come to be in our task.





Fast-forward a dozen years and the results of our mission are clear and irrefutable.


Having suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, having read every lie Satan and his minions have written and having endured the constant attacks on The Church, Her Sacred institutions and Her devout servants, I can proudly say that nearly every prominent member of this cult has been turned to God and His Church... The Church of Rome.

Yes, there are still a few sad souls here we have yet to convert and turn away from the grips of this Satanic cult but the list of those who have forever left LBC, renounced its propaganda and taken their first steps to Jesus through the Sacraments is rather impressive.

These converts are humans though and occasionally lapse (that's why we have confession) but they have gone from unproductive shills of the Devil to hard-working, honest and compassionate Christians.

Here is a partial list of the once and former Landover 'elite' who have left the cult and devoted themselves to Christ through His true Church here in Vatican City.

(A simple rating scale is as follows: Zero Popes is a failure and Five Popes is the highest rating available.)


Brother Eno: Formerly among the most powerful of the cultists, he has been turned towards Rome and now runs a sheep ranch in New Zealand. His secret recipe for tenderizing these furry delights has his flock as popular as corn-dogs at an Iowan gourmand convention.

Rating: 5x

One-Eyed Jack: For some time the philosophical voice of the cult, he now makes jingles for Church recruitment videos here in Rome. Just last week we had a lovely dinner in front of the Parthenon.

Rating: 4x

Miss Petal: A bit of a fish in the barrel candidate, all it took was a case of Tender Vittles and she ran from Landover faster than a Mormon at a logic convention. The Catholic Church has always welcomed the mentally challenged.

Rating: 1x

Brother Temperance: Gave up his devotion to soggy noodles and LBC, found the truth through confession and now works as a rail conductor in Manchester.

Rating: 3x

Brother Remy: He has returned to living as a Negro after being deprogrammed and is happily employed as a matatu driver in Nairobi. He enjoys watching Star Trek reruns dubbed in Kiswahili and working with his parish Priest to help stop the spread of aids in Africa.

Rating: 5x

Sister Glendora: She had her implants removed and joined our crack team of Nuns... the Lesuits, where she is loved and admired for her pie.

Rating: 3x

Mrs. Rogers: Once the crustiest baguette on the shelf, Mrs Rogers has also joined the Lesuits where she rooms with Sister Glendora, specializes in vagatarian cuisine and co-writes the weekly newsletter 'Good Habits'.

Rating: 4x

Pastor PNG Long a thorn in the side of internet truth and fairness, this former leader of the LBC has seen the light, found his clothes and moved on to become a semi-famous Digiredoo player in Hanoi.

Rating: 5x

Reverend Jim Osborne: James has proven to be a difficult nut to crack. One day he rejoins the cult and the next day he returns to Mass. He swings back and forth more often than a trapeze artist but there is no question that he tries very hard deal with the issues of his cult mind-control techniques.

Rating: 1x

Brother Vigril: One of the rockier roads of the conversion process, Brother V took much more effort than most. He was always a few fish shy of a tuna sandwich and for years it seemed his conversion would never happen, but when he was finally exposed to a twenty-four hour marathon of Gregorian chants he turned like a cat needing a belly rub.

Rating: 5x

Brother Larry: Another senior member who bolted the LBC cult and now is employed as an EDM festival organizer. Clearly some efforts remain but he darkens these flimsy doors no more.

Rating 2x

Deaner: Known here for his vitriol and haircut that would make Ted Nugent vote Democrat, he saw the light and works in Montreal as a Catholic counsellor for women looking to leave the sex-trade.

Rating 4x


These are but a few of the former cultists who have left the clutches of Satan and found their true spiritual home within The Catholic Church.

Is work here done? No, of course not but the work, by God's will, will eventually get done and one day the internet will be rid of this clan of hucksters and cousin-marrying swindlers who so coldly mis-represent Christianity, The Catholic Church and the very word of God almighty.



Bless you, my soon to be wafer munchers,
Father Mo



P.S. I usually can't be bothered addressing the lies and slander here but I can swear on the bosom of The Blessed Virgin Mary that I have never, EVER sold a confession on eBay or any other such site.




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[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: Rumors you have heard about Maurice Lester?

I remember that fateful day over a decade ago - - -Unintelligible drivel removed - - -
.

Must everything turn into a litany with your type? The examples you've provided here - without any probative evidence, I might add - speak no more to the success of your efforts than does the ability of a methodist to fake true Christianity. Both are very pale, lifeless attempts to cover for a lukewarm faux relationship with our Savior.

Listen up, Lester: I foresee a day in the not too distant future when our LORD is going to ask you to account for your deeds in Super IMAX. It won't be Roger Ebert giving you a review, but the Holy God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob Himself will pan your attempts to lead others into the Whore of Babylon's congregation. I think you will RUE the days you spend in perpetuating the cult of cathylickismness.

I say this, and yet I say more: There IS still hope for you, my robed rogue of religiosity: FALL ON YOUR KNEES (without some ten year old in front of you) and cry out directly to the Lord Jesus Christ. Confess your sins to Him (I would imagine you'll need a few weeks to get through them all). Then, live your life as a Baptist: Pray without ceasing, study to show yourself approved, and love others without prejudice or discrimination.

Good luck, you ring-kissing wafer-eating Marymandering Maggot.

In Christian Love,
Naomi

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: Rumors you have heard about Maurice Lester?

Wasn't he on British TV a lot during the '70?

YIC

[Father Maurice Lester]

Re: Rumors you have heard about Maurice Lester?

...The examples you've provided here...

Miss(es) Lamb.

My examples are free themselves to dispel my words as lies but as sure as Jesus died (temporarily) on the cross for your sins and mine, there is little doubt of the veracity in my reporting.

I will freely admit that not all of our targeted Baptwits have been converted... yet.

Pastor Al left the cult only to become a tree-fairy enthusiast who worships bean curds and Youth Pastor Marty eschewed Christianity altogether, moved to Amritsar and got a turban with the hopes of marrying a twelve year-old... goat

Dark Wolf has turned to worshipping rock formations on Mars, On Your Knees is in Chiang Mai living with big cats in Tiger Kingdom while Sister M&M has been married so many times she has more rings than the bull-fighting circuit in Catalonia.

Time is on the side of Jesus and His Church. We have been here for two thousand years and dealt with more hard cases than Sister Talitha's diaphragm so a decade here or there waiting to harvest a bounty of souls is nothing to worry of.




Bless you, my woman speaking without her husband's permission,
Father Mo






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[Russell Holbeck]

Re: Rumors you have heard about Maurice Lester?

Hello Levi Jones.

I have not heard any rumors about Maurice Lester but I have seen him be very mean and very sarcastic to True Christians(tm) and that makes me sad the Admin should change his picture so that he is not smiling.

Thank you.

Rusty

[Russell Holbeck]

Re: Rumors you have heard about Maurice Lester?

P.S. He is also condescending I could not think of that word earlier.

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: Rumors you have heard about Maurice Lester?

Brother Rusty, I would say it was more of a leering smirk than a smile.

Obviously some poor little choir boy just out of the photo

[Father Maurice Lester]

Re: Rumors you have heard about Maurice Lester?

P.S. He is also condescending I could not think of that word earlier.

My use of polysyllabic words does not mean I am condescending Ms. Holbeck. One of the many benefits of a solid Catholic education is that by merely expressing oneself with fundamental alacrity there is an immediate, if begrudging, respect afforded from even the flattest of tires at the Michelin factory.

Just because you look up at those of us who are functional in higher communication does not necessarily mean we in turn are looking down at you irrespective of how difficult it might be not to. Again, another benefit of a Jesuit learning regimen.



Bless you, my Lenny in search of California rabbits,
Father Mo




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