I can think of no higher source than Landover Baptist (that may actually answer my question) to give me guidance regarding my current moral dilemma. Here it goes:
Luke 14:26
If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.
Leviticus 26:7
And ye shall chase your enemies, and they shall fall before you by the sword
After much reflection, last night the baby Jesus spoke to me in a dream. He repeated the above verses, and told me it should be clear that I must hate my parents as my enemies, that i must kill my enemies, therefore........He stopped speaking. Being the devout Christian that I am, I of course read no book other than His Holy Word, so I had no difficulty shoving these parts of scripture back into the sweet baby Jesus' face;
Leviticus 19:3 Ye shall fear every man his mother, and his father, and keep my sabbaths: I am the LORD thy God.
and, of course, one of His Top Ten list;
Exodus 20:13 Thou shall not kill.
He said the answer was simple, command someone else to do it, that's what his Father used to do all the time. That's one smart baby, let me tell you.
Anyway, can you suggest someone weak willed enough to bow to my commands, in order to help this Christian become a true disciple as Jesus said?
I asked my sister to do it for me. We haven't gotten along well since we were children. My father used to molest her, and we shared a room. She pled with me to help her, but as always, the bible was there for me. In addition to telling her that she must respect her father as commanded in Exodus as quoted above, I also reminded her of Matthew 5:39
But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. I also reminded her about Noah and his daughters, but I guess her ears were filled with Satan's wax.
She ended up not turning the other cheek, not following one of His Big Ten, and turned him in to the police. She is truly evil. He nearly lost his entire congregation due to the evil left wing satan worshipping press, and the god forsaken activist judges. That's why I asked her to help me with my "disciple" problem. If anyone would help me, I thought her being that evil, and hating my father and all, she wouldn't have a problem. I told her I would pay for the ammo, or whatever, but NOOOOOOO, now she's found Jesus and quotes to me the "thou shall not kill" junk. What a hypocrite, picking and choosing which of the Commandments to follow. That confirmed to me that she is indeed evil, as she was hampering my path to eternal bliss, wishing me to join her eternal gnashing of teeth and wailing. I'm going to be sitting next to the baby Jesus, watching the billions of sinners suffering in eternal damnation if I have anything to say about it. Jesus and I can laugh our asses off together then.
You see my dilemma. Baby Jesus again went silent when I asked him who to ask to do this for me. (Between the silence and the parables thing, I sure hope that over eternity it won't get just a tad bit irritating.) Can you help a brother out?
Luke 14:26
If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.
Leviticus 26:7
And ye shall chase your enemies, and they shall fall before you by the sword
After much reflection, last night the baby Jesus spoke to me in a dream. He repeated the above verses, and told me it should be clear that I must hate my parents as my enemies, that i must kill my enemies, therefore........He stopped speaking. Being the devout Christian that I am, I of course read no book other than His Holy Word, so I had no difficulty shoving these parts of scripture back into the sweet baby Jesus' face;
Leviticus 19:3 Ye shall fear every man his mother, and his father, and keep my sabbaths: I am the LORD thy God.
and, of course, one of His Top Ten list;
Exodus 20:13 Thou shall not kill.
He said the answer was simple, command someone else to do it, that's what his Father used to do all the time. That's one smart baby, let me tell you.
Anyway, can you suggest someone weak willed enough to bow to my commands, in order to help this Christian become a true disciple as Jesus said?
I asked my sister to do it for me. We haven't gotten along well since we were children. My father used to molest her, and we shared a room. She pled with me to help her, but as always, the bible was there for me. In addition to telling her that she must respect her father as commanded in Exodus as quoted above, I also reminded her of Matthew 5:39
But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. I also reminded her about Noah and his daughters, but I guess her ears were filled with Satan's wax.
She ended up not turning the other cheek, not following one of His Big Ten, and turned him in to the police. She is truly evil. He nearly lost his entire congregation due to the evil left wing satan worshipping press, and the god forsaken activist judges. That's why I asked her to help me with my "disciple" problem. If anyone would help me, I thought her being that evil, and hating my father and all, she wouldn't have a problem. I told her I would pay for the ammo, or whatever, but NOOOOOOO, now she's found Jesus and quotes to me the "thou shall not kill" junk. What a hypocrite, picking and choosing which of the Commandments to follow. That confirmed to me that she is indeed evil, as she was hampering my path to eternal bliss, wishing me to join her eternal gnashing of teeth and wailing. I'm going to be sitting next to the baby Jesus, watching the billions of sinners suffering in eternal damnation if I have anything to say about it. Jesus and I can laugh our asses off together then.
You see my dilemma. Baby Jesus again went silent when I asked him who to ask to do this for me. (Between the silence and the parables thing, I sure hope that over eternity it won't get just a tad bit irritating.) Can you help a brother out?






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