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  • #46
    Re: The future Mrs Johnnyboy

    I don't mean to throw a bucket of ice water on you two lovebirds, but somebody needs to offer you some spiritual counseling. Neither one of you are True Christians(tm). You need to work harder on devoting your life to Jesus before you jump into marriage. Unsanctified couplings are an abomination unto the Lord. Get yourselves washed in His cleansing blood before you commit any whoredoms with each other.
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

    Comment

    • #47
      Re: The future Mrs Johnnyboy

      Pastor Zeke,

      You're exactly right, we should both work harder in becoming True Christians. That is first and foremost. However, I haven't actually ASKED Miss Angels to marry me yet. I'm still in the courting, or wooing stage, as it were. I assure you, when Miss Angels comes to North Carolina, we will be under intense Christian supervision and scrutiny. She'll be staying with my sister Connie and her husband Jacob. Jacob is as fine a Christian man found anywhere, even if he doesn't have a boat of his own and is always begging me to take him fishing. Miss Angles' visit to North Carolina is merely a means for me to sample her biscuits and gravy, and for her to see if my boat is suitable. If she does decide(Please God PLEASE) to marry me, of course we will seek your pre marriage counseling.

      God Bless,

      Comment

      • #48
        Re: The future Mrs Johnnyboy

        Dear Johnny.

        I agree with what both you and the Pastor have said.
        You have such a lovely way about you Johnny. I like being in your company here.

        Comment

        • #49
          Re: The future Mrs Johnnyboy

          Originally posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
          You sound like a man who has everything going for him! It just so happens I have a grand-niece named Charlene Rae who lives in Knoxville, Tennessee. She's a good Christian girl, and only 15 so she's still a virgin. I'll email her your picture and letter, and hopefully you two can hit it off! (You won't mind driving to Knoxville, would you?)
          you sound like god's pimp.

          Comment

          • #50
            Re: The future Mrs Johnnyboy

            Originally posted by WiccanSteve View Post
            you sound like god's pimp.
            Watch your mouth, young man! God has no need of pimps. Indeed pimps will burn in hell along with wiccans, homosexuals, catholics, jews, atheists, murderers, and pornographers. I was merely trying to find a suitable wife for Johnnyboy.

            Head on over to the Introduction forum and tell us how badly you want to be converted from Satanism to accepting Jesus!

            Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

            Comment

            • #51
              Re: The future Mrs Johnnyboy

              Originally posted by WiccanSteve View Post
              you sound like god's pimp.

              And you Sir have no right to insult Rev. Jim. He is a True Christian gentleman.
              Also you can't derail Dear Johnnyboy's thread, It's pure rudeness.

              Comment

              • #52
                Re: The future Mrs Johnnyboy

                Originally posted by angels View Post
                And you Sir have no right to insult Rev. Jim. He is a True Christian gentleman.
                Also you can't derail Dear Johnnyboy's thread, It's pure rudeness.
                Exactly Miz Angels, now what I wanna know is bout this here weddin. Is me and Cleevon gonna get to go to it dis time or is we gonna have to serve and clean up like at the last weddin?
                Everybodys Blested Ole Mammy

                Comment

                • #53
                  Re: The future Mrs Johnnyboy

                  Originally posted by Vavoline Johnson View Post
                  Exactly Miz Angels, now what I wanna know is bout this here weddin. Is me and Cleevon gonna get to go to it dis time or is we gonna have to serve and clean up like at the last weddin?
                  Hey Miss Vavoline,

                  Well, there isn't a wedding planned yet because I haven't exactly ASKED the charming Miss Angels to marry me. Right now we're both focusing on becoming True Christians. Also, I haven't had the chance to sample Miss Angels' biscuits and gravy, or her delightful pie. In short, we're still in the courting mode. If Miss Angels does become Mrs. Johnnyboy, of course you'll be invited to the wedding and the reception. By any chance does Cleevon have any bartending experiance?

                  God Bless,

                  Comment

                  • #54
                    Re: The future Mrs Johnnyboy

                    Originally posted by Johnnyboy View Post
                    Hey Miss Vavoline,

                    Well, there isn't a wedding planned yet because I haven't exactly ASKED the charming Miss Angels to marry me. Right now we're both focusing on becoming True Christians. Also, I haven't had the chance to sample Miss Angels' biscuits and gravy, or her delightful pie. In short, we're still in the courting mode. If Miss Angels does become Mrs. Johnnyboy, of course you'll be invited to the wedding and the reception. By any chance does Cleevon have any bartending experiance?

                    God Bless,
                    Glory! We ain't been out to a party since Miz Bertha buried her fourth husband!
                    I'll tell Cleevon to dust off his butlers suit and get his-self pressed and ready fo a weddin.
                    Everybodys Blested Ole Mammy

                    Comment

                    • #55
                      Re: The future Mrs Johnnyboy

                      Originally posted by Vavoline Johnson View Post
                      Glory! We ain't been out to a party since Miz Bertha buried her fourth husband!
                      I'll tell Cleevon to dust off his butlers suit and get his-self pressed and ready fo a weddin.

                      Oh Miss Vavoline, you are so kind.

                      Comment

                      • #56
                        Re: The future Mrs Johnnyboy

                        Originally posted by angels View Post
                        Oh Miss Vavoline, you are so kind.
                        Why thank you Miz Angels. Well I gotta go and fix Cleevon his supper.
                        See y'all at bible study tonight.
                        Everybodys Blested Ole Mammy

                        Comment

                        • #57
                          Re: The future Mrs Johnnyboy

                          Originally posted by Vavoline Johnson View Post
                          Why thank you Miz Angels. Well I gotta go and fix Cleevon his supper.
                          See y'all at bible study tonight.

                          God Bless You Miss Vavoline.

                          Comment

                          • #58
                            Re: The future Mrs Johnnyboy

                            Heeeey Joe,

                            Wanna give me a go? ;p

                            Comment

                            • #59
                              Re: The future Mrs Johnnyboy

                              Originally posted by ArcaneAnna View Post
                              Heeeey Joe,

                              Wanna give me a go? ;p
                              Excuse me girl. Johnnyboy is a lovely man and I don't think a lesbian would be his type.


                              God Bless.

                              Comment

                              • #60
                                Re: The future Mrs Johnnyboy

                                Hey,

                                no need to get jelous girl.

                                only because im more experienced.
                                neither woman nor man can resist. ;p

                                Haway Johnny,

                                you know you want to? ;p

                                I may not be a virgin,
                                but I can pretend to be one.

                                Comment

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