[RossDLtn]

Re: Instruction for singles:

Have you been baptized with water?

Yes, I believe that we all know that Brother Temperance has indeed been baptized with water, as it is, in his words, a big part of being a baptist.

Now, the real question is: Have you been licked by a cat?

And the answer? Yes.

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: Instruction for singles:

I am actually shocked by some of the postings on this thread. And I want to remind folks that there are two types of singles: first, there are the sexually overactive barfly/STD spreaders and second, there are the asexual excessive Mmers. In either case, our Lord Jesus Christ would prescribe death and torture for the harlots (read Ezekiel CH 23) and I believe castration for the Mmers (only if they are good Christians). For those of you who don't want to spend eternity being sodomized by Satan, I would suggest heterosexual marriage, followed by an activity that promotes procreation, but isn't done for perverted pleasure! CONCERNED GLENDORA

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Re: Instruction for singles:

You are absolutely right, Mother Glendora. Making babies is important, but s*x for pleasure is ALWAYS sinful. When Gary and I were trying to conceive our future God Soldiers™, we always wore metal restraints to keep ourselves from getting too carried away and working any harder or longer than we needed to. We also struck each other with switches and wet leather belts to make sure no pleasure came out of the act. Our remaining children thank us for it each and every day!

[Ali]

Re: Instruction for singles:

May a christian man marry more than one wife as it was practiced in Old Testament times? Or is this ungodly these days?

I need advice..

[Joo (Quarantined)]

Re: Instruction for singles:

May a christian man marry more than one wife as it was practiced in Old Testament times? Or is this ungodly these days?

I need advice..

Polygamy is typically outlawed in today's society, and God commands us to obey secular laws as well as his own thus meaning it is pretty much not good unless it's in one of those obscure places that has not out lawed it.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Instruction for singles:

Polygamy is typically outlawed in today's society, and God commands us to obey secular laws as well as his own thus meaning it is pretty much not good unless it's in one of those obscure places that has not out lawed it.

SCREEEEEECH! Hold everything! Did I hear you say "God commands US"??!!

Can you feel the power of Christ pulsing through your body?

PRAISE GOD has this pile of filth finally been brought into your violently loving embrace Lord?

[Joo (Quarantined)]

Re: Instruction for singles:

SCREEEEEECH! Hold everything! Did I hear you say "God commands US"??!!

Can you feel the power of Christ pulsing through your body?

PRAISE GOD has this pile of filth finally been brought into your violently loving embrace Lord?

I was just using your terminology.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Instruction for singles:

I was just using your terminology.

It reminds me of the tale of the four children that the Joos tell at Passover. One son is wise, another is simple (this son is regarded as simple because of his indifference and unconcern), still another is wicked, and the final one is very young in age, too young to inquire about Passover, and therefore silent.
The wise son inquires about why the Jews practise the customs of Passover. Those assembled at the Passover seder table respond in unison, describing this son as wise, since he wants to know more about the Passover traditions of his people. The simple and indifferent son asks in more general terms what is all this he sees at the Passover seder table. Those at the Passover seder table respond by educating and reminding the simple and indifferent son about G-d's favors toward the Hebrews during the time of slavery in Egypt, and the importance of remembering and observing them, and remembering them with gratitude. The wicked son wants no part of the Passover traditions and asks why the Jewish people - other than him - practise the customs of Passover. Those at the Passover seder table respond by describing this son as wicked, since he thinks Passover customs are meant to be practised by other Jews, but not him. Finally, the young and silent son who does not know enough to inquire is simply told about the Passover story in accordance with the biblical command: "And thou shalt tell thy son in that day, saying: it is because of that which the Lord did for me when I came forth out of Egypt".
Then JESUS kills them all and sends them all to Hell for failing to accept him and being a bunch of jabbering yids.

Joo, you seem like a wise Joo, do you have the smarts to repent of your yiddish sins and get right with Christ right now?
To go from to ?

[Joo (Quarantined)]

Re: Instruction for singles:

Thanks for the compliment, but as I've stated before I am not Jewish, so I can't go from being Jewish since I'm not that way in the first place.

[Ali]

Re: Instruction for singles:

Polygamy is typically outlawed in today's society, and God commands us to obey secular laws as well as his own thus meaning it is pretty much not good unless it's in one of those obscure places that has not out lawed it.

Thank you Joo.

Do any of the pastors or elders of this church have anything to say about this issue?

The problem is, I met 3 sisters which are quite comely and are fit candidates for 'raising soldiers for Christ' but i cant decide on the correct one. King David had many, Can't i since i can afford??

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Instruction for singles:

Thank you Joo.

Do any of the pastors or elders of this church have anything to say about this issue?

The problem is, I met 3 sisters which are quite comely and are fit candidates for 'raising soldiers for Christ' but i cant decide on the correct one. King David had many, Can't i since i can afford??

While mutliple wives is certainly a Biblical practice, it is generally prohibited by secular law. Since God commands us to follow secular law, you'll need to check with your local city hall and ask them what is allowed in your community.

Personally, I cannot imagine wanting more than one wife. They are so much trouble to supervise, I just don't think that it's worth the trouble.

Do you have any photographs of these lovely nubile young ladies? I'll be happy to help you chose if I can see them...

[Joo (Quarantined)]

Re: Instruction for singles:

While mutliple wives is certainly a Biblical practice, it is generally prohibited by secular law. Since God commands us to follow secular law, you'll need to check with your local city hall and ask them what is allowed in your community.

Yeah, that's pretty much what I said. Wow, we agreed on something.

[morford]

Re: Instruction for singles:

This site might be helpful to those seeking Godly advice:

www.sexinchrist.com

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Instruction for singles:

This site might be helpful to those seeking Godly advice:

www.sexinchrist.com

Praise Jesus! You might be on the right path at last! That is a Godly site indeed. GLORY!

Now fetch me a sandwich, woman!

[morford]

Re: Instruction for singles:

I would be pleased to prepare a sandwich for you if you ever visit Amarillo! We do serve up some of this country's finest barbecue!