Up and Coming Ex-Negro Seeking True Christian Baby Oven

[Joshua Brooks]

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. - Genesis 1, 27-28

I can subdue all of the fish, birds, and every thing that moveth upon the earth with my trusty M4 AR-15 Carbine, but as a single male I am unable to completely fulfill the above commandment. Therefore I must seek out a True Christian woman to churn out future soldiers for Christ's glorious armed services. The Ex-Negro Academy was, of course, not co-ed so I am not aware of any known single ex-nigresses who might wish to put her baby oven to use. Any single True Christian ex-nigresses of high pedigree out there seeking an earthly master in order to fulfill God's command.

Additional requirements:
1.) Minimum 2 Semesters of Motherhood Studies at Landover Baptist University.
2. ) Hair must reach shoulders and be styled in a feminine manner. No afros, corn rolls, dreadlocks, greasy tar-looking hairdos, or short nappy man hairs.
3. ) Must be a joyous cook. Experience with pastries and chicken(fried, jerk, and hot wings) mandatory.
4. ) Must meet minimum Brown Paper Bag Test requirements. (Exceptions will be made on a case by base basis)
5. ) Must undergo cranial x-ray scans to confirm Caucasoid status. No Negroids allowed.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Up and Coming Ex-Negro Seeking True Christian Baby Oven

Hello Brother,

Have you considered Miss Roberta Sue Dawkins. She is no nappy-headed ho!

She is still single you know. She comes from a fine True Christian family and from what I understand she is an excellent cook and eager to start bearing new soldiers for Christ. PM me if you want her email address.


I'm hardly ever wrong when it comes to match making. I am, after all, Freehold's Number One Match Maker! GLORY!

Helpful, Sister Thumper

[Sister Noddy]

Re: Up and Coming Ex-Negro Seeking True Christian Baby Oven

Any single True Christian ex-nigresses of high pedigree out there seeking an earthly master in order to fulfill God's command.

Mr Joshua, I'm sure that such a fine, handsome young True Christian male as yourself will have no trouble finding the right True Christian lady, and I wish you all the best!

Praise!

[Dale]

Re: Up and Coming Ex-Negro Seeking True Christian Baby Oven

Hello Brother,

Have you considered Miss Roberta Sue Dawkins. She is no nappy-headed hoe!

She is still single you know. She comes from a fine True Christian family and from what I understand she is an excellent cook and eager to start bearing new soldiers for Christ. PM me if you want her email address.


I'm hardly ever wrong when it comes to match making. I am, after all, Freehold's Number One Match Maker! GLORY!

Helpful, Sister Thumper

Plaese refrain from posting that beautiful Christian girl's picture again Sister Thumper. I find myself lusting after her, and I'm a married man.

[Joshua Brooks]

Re: Up and Coming Ex-Negro Seeking True Christian Baby Oven

Hello Brother,

Have you considered Miss Roberta Sue Dawkins. She is no nappy-headed ho!

She is still single you know. She comes from a fine True Christian family and from what I understand she is an excellent cook and eager to start bearing new soldiers for Christ. PM me if you want her email address.


I'm hardly ever wrong when it comes to match making. I am, after all, Freehold's Number One Match Maker! GLORY!

Helpful, Sister Thumper

She looks like a well rounded and jovial young lady, Ms. Thumper. I'm sure she has a lovely personality in addition to being a VERY experienced and superb cook. No doubt an expert in preparing pastries and fried foods. It is truly amazing that no other bachelor has scoped her up already. However, during my stay at the Ex-Negro Academy we were told on several occasions that it was "highly recommended" that we stayed away from the native daughters of the Freehold community until we were deemed honorary white men. In addition to that we would need the recommendation and sponsorship of a senior pastor. As you can see underneath my name I'm not a fully certified ex-negro, much less an honorary white man. I'd hate to be the source of a controversy and risk ruining the reputation of that sweet girl. Her parents would probably have a heart attack if they saw me walk into a room with their little girl. Definitely my loss.

The wises choice for me may be an ex-nigress bride.

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: Up and Coming Ex-Negro Seeking True Christian Baby Oven

Any single True Christian ex-nigresses of high pedigree out there seeking an earthly master in order to fulfill God's command..

I can't think of a higher pedigreed ex-nigress than Sister Condi Rice. She certainly has good connections and she is an honorary member of LBC. But I think the most exciting thing about Condi is she has a reputation for throwing some pretty impressive broodlings.

[Joshua Brooks]

Re: Up and Coming Ex-Negro Seeking True Christian Baby Oven

I can't think of a higher pedigreed ex-nigress than Sister Condi Rice. She certainly has good connections and she is an honorary member of LBC. But I think the most exciting thing about Condi is she has a reputation for throwing some pretty impressive broodlings.

I would hate to get between Condeleza Rice and that fine strapping Canadian fellow she is trying to save from the meaty grasp of homosexuality.



Besides, she is far out of my league. A mere commoner like me courting such a powerful and prominent woman at my age. And however would I ever get the opportunity to meet her. That bulging forehead no doubt contains an intellect that rivals the common woman and those prominent and graciously spaced front teeth could form a smile that turns a normal man into a sissified European Don Juan wannabe. I'd best not embarrass myself.

[Poison__x]

Re: Up and Coming Ex-Negro Seeking True Christian Baby Oven

Lol, the requirements are so absurd xD

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Up and Coming Ex-Negro Seeking True Christian Baby Oven

Lol, the requirements are so absurd

No, you're absurd.

Case closed.

[Joshua Brooks]

Re: Up and Coming Ex-Negro Seeking True Christian Baby Oven

Lol, the requirements are so absurd xD

Oddly enough you no doubt meet all the requirements except for #1. Judging by your avatar you most likely have a vagina as well.

Additional requirements:
1.) Minimum 2 Semesters of Motherhood Studies at Landover Baptist University.
2. ) Hair must reach shoulders and be styled in a feminine manner. No afros, corn rolls, dreadlocks, greasy tar-looking hairdos, or short nappy man hairs.
3. ) Must be a joyous cook. Experience with pastries and chicken(fried, jerk, and hot wings) mandatory.
4. ) Must meet minimum Brown Paper Bag Test requirements. (Exceptions will be made on a case by base basis)
5. ) Must undergo cranial x-ray scans to confirm Caucasoid status. No Negroids allowed.

Is a woman being versed in the responsibilities of motherhood all it takes be be considered absurd? You must be some baby hating lesbian, no?

[The Widow Anna]

Re: Up and Coming Ex-Negro Seeking True Christian Baby Oven

Oh Mr Brooks, if I was not such a recent widow, having only lost my husband a few decades ago, I would gladly take on the responsibility of firing up my True Christian Baking Oven™ to help you whip up some wholly suitable children. My skills with the oven haven't gone un-noticed by the congregation, especially the men-folk. They all love a nice warm bit of muffin on a Sunday morning!

I may not be an ex-negress, but I am well matured and affirmed in the True Christian™ faith, therefore at little risk of falling prey to the character weaknesses and sins of the negro-folk.

[The Widow Anna]

Re: Up and Coming Ex-Negro Seeking True Christian Baby Oven

Oh, let it be noted, I am well aware of the sin that re-marriage is. My reply was simply a nostalgic moment of longing for the firm hand of a True Christian husband upon my womanly soul.

[Domina]

Re: Up and Coming Ex-Negro Seeking True Christian Baby Oven

Why not go down to your nearest Church's Chicken drive-thru and pick up a lucky lady there? It would be seemingly, since you seek one that is at least a fan of fried bird... is fried "freedom fowl" also suitable to your palate? Thanksgiving is coming up, you know.

Curious,
Domina

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Up and Coming Ex-Negro Seeking True Christian Baby Oven

Why not go down to your nearest Church's Chicken drive-thru and pick up a lucky lady there? It would be seemingly, since you seek one that is at least a fan of fried bird... is fried "freedom fowl" also suitable to your palate? Thanksgiving is coming up, you know.

Curious,
Domina

Domina,

I know this is hard with you in the short haired, vote Hillary crowd, to understand but good girls don't invite other good girls over to "bread the chicken” (if you know what I mean). Perhaps you might want to let go of your rage for anything with a daddy stick and open yourself to Jesus love.

[MarkBroccardo]

Re: Up and Coming Ex-Negro Seeking True Christian Baby Oven

We have some nigresses at my new church, but I am not sure if they have fully advanced to the stage of ex-nigresses yet. A true, godly, vistuous ex-nigress female is hard to come by these days. I know - I've been looking for one too.