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My wife of 17 years has recently expired. Whether she (or any other woman) is in Heaven is still a matter of some debate, but if I were a gambling man, I'd bet that she's in hell right now, skewered like a pig on a spit upon satan's festering hate-plow, and roasting like a marshmellow over raging hellfire, her eyes protruding aimlessly from her flaming skull, her high-pitched, inhuman screams just another voice in a cacophony of wails and moans... the poor dear...
Anyway, she left me with 17 robust man-children, ranging in age from one to seventeen years old...and there is no one here to prepare meals for them. There is no one to take out the trash, fetch my beers and wash my feet...no one to silently, with clenched teeth, submit to vigorous acts of rightious seeding...
I've been praying to Christ for a replacement, and I believe that this forum is literally an answer to my prayers. I require a servile woman with ample breasts and childbearing hips. She must be adept at using the tools of her trade (i.e. toilet brush, mop, broom, wood splitting maul, etc.). She shall anticipate my, and my sons', every need. She is to obey our orders without question or hesitation. She should be neither claustrophobic nor scared of the dark, as this would make her sessions in the 'prayer closet' most unenjoyable, especially for those who have to listen to her screaming in there.
Wholesome Christian women who fit this description, please apply here. Many will jump at this opportunity, I'm sure...but only one will win my heart! God bless and good luck!
...READY...SET...GO!!
Anyway, she left me with 17 robust man-children, ranging in age from one to seventeen years old...and there is no one here to prepare meals for them. There is no one to take out the trash, fetch my beers and wash my feet...no one to silently, with clenched teeth, submit to vigorous acts of rightious seeding...
I've been praying to Christ for a replacement, and I believe that this forum is literally an answer to my prayers. I require a servile woman with ample breasts and childbearing hips. She must be adept at using the tools of her trade (i.e. toilet brush, mop, broom, wood splitting maul, etc.). She shall anticipate my, and my sons', every need. She is to obey our orders without question or hesitation. She should be neither claustrophobic nor scared of the dark, as this would make her sessions in the 'prayer closet' most unenjoyable, especially for those who have to listen to her screaming in there.
Wholesome Christian women who fit this description, please apply here. Many will jump at this opportunity, I'm sure...but only one will win my heart! God bless and good luck!
...READY...SET...GO!!
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