Please pray for an end to my unbearable constipation

[Karameek]

Re: Please pray for an end to my unbearable constipation

Friends, I really need all you prayer warriors to really pull out the stops on this one and pray like crazy.


As you might have heard, I recently began taking a medicine called oxycontin to cure a nasty hangover from which I had been suffering.


Unfortunately, nobody told me this oxy stuff is an opioid, and apparently you're supposed to drink lots of water when you're on opioids so you don't get "backed up."


Well I was already severely dehydrated from the hangover, and no, I didn't drink extra water when I started on the oxy.


So I'm really experiencing a lot of pain and discomfort now, and I can't seem to "go."




If Jesus doesn't come through for me soon, I might need to go to the emergency room!

I'm terribly sorry re: your discomfort. I have gastroparesis so I know stomach issues all too well. I had to have a colonoscopy and they had me prep the night before with magnesium citrate (you can get at any pharmacy) and trust me, that'll clear you out really fast.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: Please pray for an end to my unbearable constipation

Stick with the plan, friend, don't give in to the demons. Try to stop eating for a few days. A few dark beers often does the trick or in a pinch you can use 15mg hydrocortisone suppositories. I guess the oxys will work for that just as well. It sounds like you're in a pinch so there's one other very risky method I've done to myself many times heard about - but please promise me you will be careful with this one - I needn't warn you of the dangers of catching the AIDS if your finger slips so much as an inch.

While you are straining to push out your bowel movement, use your fingers to firmly push in on the area of your taint, right in front of your anus. Think of it as trying to actually push the end of your taint, into your anus. I know this sounds hilarious and ridiculous, but you will be amazed at how much this alleviates the pain and pressure of the bowel movement.

Thank you very much for trying to help, but this sounds like it could be a gateway sin.

I'm thinking about having the neighbor boy drive me to the emergency room.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Please pray for an end to my unbearable constipation

Stick with the plan, friend, don't give in to the demons. Try to stop eating for a few days. A few dark beers often does the trick or in a pinch you can use 15mg hydrocortisone suppositories. I guess the oxys will work for that just as well. It sounds like you're in a pinch, so there's one other very risky method I've done to myself many times heard about - but please promise me you will be careful with this one - I needn't warn you of the dangers of catching the AIDS if your finger slips so much as an inch.

While you are straining to push out your bowel movement, use your fingers to firmly push in on the area of your taint, right in front of your anus. Think of it as trying to actually push the end of your taint, into your anus. I know this sounds hilarious and ridiculous, but you will be amazed at how much this alleviates the pain and pressure of the bowel movement.

[Faith_Machine]

Friends, I really need all you prayer warriors to really pull out the stops on this one and pray like crazy.


As you might have heard, I recently began taking a medicine called oxycontin to cure a nasty hangover from which I had been suffering.


Unfortunately, nobody told me this oxy stuff is an opioid, and apparently you're supposed to drink lots of water when you're on opioids so you don't get "backed up."


Well I was already severely dehydrated from the hangover, and no, I didn't drink extra water when I started on the oxy.


So I'm really experiencing a lot of pain and discomfort now, and I can't seem to "go."




If Jesus doesn't come through for me soon, I might need to go to the emergency room!