[WickedWitch]

Re: Please Pray For Your Treasured A lie

I usually don't like to beg (I like having some dignity and self-respect), but...



*Drops to her knees*[Sobbing heavily] Please, PLEASE keep praying that I get a better job soon! I'm dying here! I'm going insane and dying! I'm begging you, I'm pleading with you, please pray for me! This job will kill me! [/Sobbing heavily]

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Please Pray For Your Treasured A lie

I usually don't like to beg (I like having some dignity and self-respect), but...



*Drops to her knees*[Sobbing heavily] Please, PLEASE keep praying that I get a better job soon! I'm dying here! I'm going insane and dying! I'm begging you, I'm pleading with you, please pray for me! This job will kill me! [/Sobbing heavily]

I don't think you really want Jesus to turn His loving gaze in your direction, Alllie. He doesn't take kindly to witches. He's more likely to smite you than get you a better job.

Have you ever considered renouncing satan?

[WickedWitch]

Re: Please Pray For Your Treasured A lie

I don't think you really want Jesus to turn His loving gaze in your direction, Alie. He doesn't take kindly to witches. He's more likely to smite you than get you a better job. That works, too! At least I won't be stuck here anymore!

Have you ever considered renouncing satan?

1) I'm not a Satanist; 2) I'm a happy Pagan, I was just hoping that you, my beloved friends, would be willing to pray for me. you know, because you love me.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Please Pray For Your Treasured A lie

1) I'm not a Satanist; 2) I'm a happy Pagan, I was just hoping that you, my beloved friends, would be willing to pray for me. you know, because you love me.

#1. As has been pointed out to you on innumerable occasions, there is no difference between a satanist and a pagan. You are his willing thrall, and Jesus hates your guts unless and until you renounce your heathenistic ways forever and embrace True Christianity(tm).

#2. Jesus commands True Christians(tm) to seperate ourselves from unsaved trash (especially ones who worship satan and do black magic), not befriend them. We hate those who hate God, as the Bible demands.

#3. There are only two choices available in this life. You have made the wrong one.

[WickedWitch]

Re: Please Pray For Your Treasured A lie

Does that mean that you wouldn't pray for me, even if I sent you 1 1/2 kilos of limburger?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Please Pray For Your Treasured A lie

Does that mean that you wouldn't pray for me, even if I sent you 1 1/2 kilos of limburger?

Of course not! I'll pray for you if and when I receive the Limburger. I just don't know that God will act on your requests.

Like I said, drawing His attention may not pay off for you.

[WickedWitch]

Re: Please Pray For Your Treasured A lie

Of course not! I'll pray for you if and when I receive the Limburger. I just don't know that God will act on your requests.

Like I said, drawing His attention may not pay off for you.

I'm willing to accept the consequences. To where shall I send this cheese, good Sir?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Please Pray For Your Treasured A lie

I'm willing to accept the consequences. To where shall I send this cheese, good Sir?

Well don't send it to Pastor Pistle!! He'll use it for fertilizer.

I'll contact you privately, witch. And no tricks!

[WickedWitch]

Re: Please Pray For Your Treasured A lie

Well don't send it to Pastor Pistle!! He'll use it for fertilizer. What a terrible thing to do!

I'll contact you privately, witch. And no tricks!

Tricks? What makes you think I'd pull tricks on you? I'm not tricksy. Especially because I'm sending this cheese to get you to pray for me.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

The problem with Canadians and other Europeans

Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Berlin. In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).
Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar.
Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Heidi increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively.
A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit.
He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral.
At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed. Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.
One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager of the bank (subsequently fired, of course, due his negativity) decides that slowly the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar.
However, they cannot pay back the debts.
Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy.
DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95%. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80%.
The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted her generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new situation. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy; her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor.
The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties.
The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied on the non-drinkers

[JennyD]

Re: The problem with Canadians and other Europeans

The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied on the non-drinkers

Pastor, are you going to leave us hanging, without finishing the story?

I still have 1/4 of my popcorn left, so it can't be over.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: The problem with Canadians and other Europeans

Pastor, are you going to leave us hanging, without finishing the story?

I still have 1/4 of my popcorn left, so it can't be over.

Then everyone dies.

[JennyD]

Re: The problem with Canadians and other Europeans

Then everyone dies.

I already knew that part. Jesus kills everybody, eventually.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: The problem with Canadians and other Europeans

Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Berlin. In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).
Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar.
Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Heidi increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively.
A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit.
He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral.
At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed. Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.
One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager of the bank (subsequently fired, of course, due his negativity) decides that slowly the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar.
However, they cannot pay back the debts.
Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy.
DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95%. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80%.
The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted her generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new situation. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy; her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor.
The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties.
The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied on the non-drinkers

The bank's risk manager was properly fired, but for the wrong reason. The risk manager should have issued credit default swap derivatives to keep the drinking going for a bit longer.

[WickedWitch]

Re: Please Pray For Your Treasured A lie

Umm, so, does that mean that you're praying for me, Pastor Pistle?