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  • Godder
    Confirmed Enemy of God
    BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
    • Apr 2010
    • 7
    #1

    unfortunate accident

    Recently i was having intimate relations with my wife, when an unfortunate accident occurred. As we were expressing our love for each other, i accidently entered her "back door"

    We immediately stopped and showered, but this has me very concerned

    Am I gay in the eyes of our Lord Jesus Christe?
    Tags: fags cause the aids, slutpocalypse
    • Levi Jones
      Pastor of Hermeneutics and Apologetics
      Bathed in Christ's Precious Blood
      Apostle to the Cactuses, Tumbleweeds and Jackrabbits
       
      • Jul 2009
      • 13930
      #2
      Re: unfortunate accident

      Originally posted by Godder View Post
      Am I gay in the eyes of our Lord Jesus Christe?

      Jesus is telling me yes.

      Revelation 21:8
      But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
      Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.

        Comment

        • Seth Campbell
          Outdoorsman, Hunter, Fisherman, Husband, True Christian™
          True Christian™
          • Apr 2010
          • 1565
          #3
          Re: unfortunate accident

          I now fully understand marking everyone as unsaved trash.
          PROOF: Atheists are too stupid to understand the Bible!

          Proverbs 13:24(KJV): "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."

          Galatians 4:16 Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?

            Comment

            • Larry Lee
              Predestinated Servant of Jesus Christ by the Will of God
              True Christian™ Theologian
              True Christian™
              • Sep 2006
              • 4464
              #4
              Re: unfortunate accident

              Originally posted by Godder View Post
              Recently i was having intimate relations with my wife, when an unfortunate accident occurred. As we were expressing our love for each other, i accidently entered her "back door"

              We immediately stopped and showered, but this has me very concerned

              Am I gay in the eyes of our Lord Jesus Christe?
              With all due respect to Brother Levi and the DM he received from @Jesus, I don't believe you're gay, although your marriage is faaaar from healthy.

              I'll tell you what happened.

              Your wife's anus was unusually accommodating (am I not right?), in a way that simply isn't normal. And why was that? Well.. Let me ask you a question. Does your Church-home sponsor an Ex-Gay Ministry? of course it does (as all Christ-following Churches do). And as a result, your congregation is now being stalked by ex-gays who flounce around in European-style suits and chat-up the women with the latest news on Scott Brown's votes in the Senate.

              Women -- even True Christian™ women -- can't resist such an appeal to their feminine sensitivities. They're simple creatures, after all, and they become totally swept away by the Ex-Gay's charms. Which leads to only one thing.. Saddlebacking.

              Your wife's gaping anus testifies to the afternoons of howling delight she's spent in saddlebacked pleasure with her ex-gay "lover".

              It's true.

              Ex-gays care nothing for one-man/one-woman marriage. It's not in them! Nor do they care about the "natural function" of body orifices. They couldn't care less! The Ex-gay is nothing but a rutting machine who preys on the nurturing disposition of our True Christian™ women.

              Unfortunately, your wife is just one more notch on some Ex-Gay's belt.

              I've now let the dirty secret of Ex-Gay ministries out of the bag. It's about time someone did.
              sigpic

              I loved Newt before Newt was invincible

                Comment

                • Nobar King
                  Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
                  Christ's Guardian
                  True Christian™
                  • Sep 2007
                  • 23748
                  #5
                  Re: unfortunate accident

                  That story alone should encourage all True Christians to make sure that their women wear their Dungarees TIGHT~~!! And always with a sturdy belt.
                  May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                    Comment

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