X
 
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
  • Andrew Barrick
    Confirmed Enemy of God
    BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
    • Sep 2007
    • 93

    #16
    Re: I need advice

    Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
    What do you mean YOU FOUND A CHURCH?!?!?! Do you mean a church OTHER THAN LANDOVER BAPTIST?!?!?
    Of course not! I found a local church to supplement your teachings, but you are still my primary source.

    Comment

    • Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.
      Scientific Advisor
      True Christian™
      • Sep 2006
      • 2373

      #17
      Re: I need advice

      We're not catholics here -- we don't need any external supplement to the Teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. When you have the whole Truth(tm) and nothing but the Truth(tm), what else would you possibly need or want?!
      Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"

      Comment

      • Sister Noddy
        True Christian™
        True Christian™
        • Jun 2007
        • 1843

        #18
        Re: I need advice

        Originally posted by Andrew Barrick View Post

        Of course not! I found a local church to supplement your teachings, but you are still my primary source.
        We are your only sourse, sissyboy. Do you want to get to Heaven when you die? Then you be sure to take the advice of the Godly Dr CE Ville, Andrew.

        Not only do you not need any supplement teachings, you don't need any of those other kind of christians. After all, GOD only knows what manner of watered-down-inverted-perverted nonsense they go by!

        You need True Christians™ around you like a protective cocoon filled with the truth of Jesus' tough love. Be careful of the company you keep on your own personal road to salvation, for ...

        Luke 6:22 Blessed are ye, when men shall hate you, and when they shall separate you from their company, and shall reproach you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of man's sake.

        For Jesus' sake!
        1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
        1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...


        1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...

        Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
        Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...

        Comment

        • Mr. Jingles
          Forum Member
          Forum Member
          • Aug 2007
          • 574

          #19
          Re: I need advice

          Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
          What do you mean YOU FOUND A CHURCH?!?!?! Do you mean a church OTHER THAN LANDOVER BAPTIST?!?!?
          There are other churches besides Landover Baptist? I didn't know that. No matter; anyone who attends them is probably a homer or a Clinton supporter-or both.

          Comment

          • Andrew Barrick
            Confirmed Enemy of God
            BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
            • Sep 2007
            • 93

            #20
            Re: I need advice

            I took all of your advice down to the last word. I quit the supposedly Baptist church that I found. It turns out that the pastor was a homer. I am renouncing anime, nickelodeon, and masturbation, among other sins, and have rebuked all of my unGodly former friends and am fighting my way through liberal public school. All for Christ's sake. Praise Jesus!

            Comment

            • Pastor Ezekiel
              Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
               
              • Sep 2006
              • 78555

              #21
              Re: I need advice

              Originally posted by Andrew Barrick View Post
              I took all of your advice down to the last word. I quit the supposedly Baptist church that I found. It turns out that the pastor was a homer. I am renouncing anime, nickelodeon, and masturbation, among other sins, and have rebuked all of my unGodly former friends and am fighting my way through liberal public school. All for Christ's sake. Praise Jesus!

              Glory!! Another soul for Christ!!

              Now all you have to do is hit that Paypal button at the bottom of this page and set up a robust Tithing schedule.

              Jesus is waiting, Andy. He needs a new pair of shoes.
              Who Will Jesus Damn?

              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

              Comment

              • Sister Noddy
                True Christian™
                True Christian™
                • Jun 2007
                • 1843

                #22
                Re: I need advice

                Originally posted by Andrew Barrick View Post

                I took all of your advice down to the last word. I quit the supposedly Baptist church that I found. It turns out that the pastor was a homer. I am renouncing anime, nickelodeon, and masturbation, among other sins, and have rebuked all of my unGodly former friends and am fighting my way through liberal public school. All for Christ's sake. Praise Jesus!

                Isn't this wonderful news, Andrew! And you'll see, it will all be worth it, for eternal salvation and the promise of Heaven with GOD. Once saved, we are sin-free!

                Psalm 119:2 Blessed are they that keep his testimonies, and that seek him with the whole heart.

                Psalm 119:3 They also do no iniquity: they walk in his ways.


                Now be good, Andrew, and resist lie-beral-stalinist peer-pressure to do sin at that school of yours. This might mean you will lose all your friends and be an outcast, but you're doing it for your immortal soul in JESUS' love!

                1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
                1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...


                1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...

                Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
                Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...

                Comment

                • Andrew Barrick
                  Confirmed Enemy of God
                  BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                  • Sep 2007
                  • 93

                  #23
                  Re: I need advice

                  Thank you for all of your encouragement. I will continue to do as your guidance suggests. Now, how about upgrading my status to "Member". I feel so out of place being labeled "Unsaved Trash".

                  Comment

                  • Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.
                    Scientific Advisor
                    True Christian™
                    • Sep 2006
                    • 2373

                    #24
                    Re: I need advice

                    As I understand it, your Department of Faith review has not yet been approved. Jesus will let us know when it is time for you to become a member. On a totally-unrelated note, your tithing history seems to be lacking, as you are nowhere near having tithed at least 10% of every dime you've ever made....
                    Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"

                    Comment

                    • Andrew Barrick
                      Confirmed Enemy of God
                      BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                      • Sep 2007
                      • 93

                      #25
                      Re: I need advice

                      I see. Well, I suppose that there's nothing to do about the red tape but wait it out.

                      Comment

                      • Miss Maisie
                        True Christian™
                        True Christian™
                        • Jul 2007
                        • 1189

                        #26
                        Re: I need advice

                        Originally posted by Andrew Barrick View Post
                        Thank you for all of your encouragement. I will continue to do as your guidance suggests. Now, how about upgrading my status to "Member". I feel so out of place being labeled "Unsaved Trash".
                        Perhaps y'all ought to show your new-found faith by a love offering to Jesus? I do believe the Pastors are in dire need of something....but I forget what. Oh my word, silly me.
                        sigpic

                        Comment

                        • Andrew Barrick
                          Confirmed Enemy of God
                          BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                          • Sep 2007
                          • 93

                          #27
                          Re: I need advice

                          I don't have a paypal account and my Internet usage is strictly monitored by my evil, liberal parents. Why yesterday...I caught them watching CNN! Disgusting! They control all of my money and surely won't allow me to donate...and they call themselves Christians.

                          Comment

                          • Daisy Mae Johnson
                            The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
                            Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
                            aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
                            True Christian™
                            • Sep 2006
                            • 15708

                            #28
                            Re: I need advice

                            Originally posted by Andrew Barrick View Post
                            I don't have a paypal account and my Internet usage is strictly monitored by my evil, liberal parents. Why yesterday...I caught them watching CNN! Disgusting! They control all of my money and surely won't allow me to donate...and they call themselves Christians.
                            Can't you sneak the credit cards from your Mommy or Daddy's wallet when they are sleeping? We accept all major credit cards.

                            GLORY!
                            Attached Files
                            sigpic

                            Tweet me Here
                            My GODLY Bio Here

                            Comment

                            • Bobby-Joe
                              Landover Security Superviser
                              Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert
                              NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
                              True Christian™
                              • Sep 2006
                              • 18405

                              #29
                              Re: I need advice

                              Originally posted by Andrew Barrick View Post
                              I don't have a paypal account and my Internet usage is strictly monitored by my evil, liberal parents. Why yesterday...I caught them watching CNN! Disgusting! They control all of my money and surely won't allow me to donate...and they call themselves Christians.
                              That to our Godly president even the underage can tithe against future earnings with a credit card. Please contact the Church office to arraing for a Landover Platinum card.

                              Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

                              Hot Must ReadThreads!


                              Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

                              Comment

                              • Andrew Barrick
                                Confirmed Enemy of God
                                BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
                                • Sep 2007
                                • 93

                                #30
                                Re: I need advice

                                I'll be sure to do so. I intend to tithe 11% (Lord willing) as soon as my account is set up.

                                Comment

                                Working...