Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

[LordSaveUs]

I'm really worried about it. Maybe it won't work.

I am marrying my "wife" at the weekend and I might not get it up. And I won't be thinking about boys because I'm NOT a homosexual.

Please play that my manhood performs.

Thank you and God bless Jesus

[Bob4God]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

I will pray that GOD sends angels to tickle your tallywhacker and help you conceive a strapping Christian boy.

I just know you'll be as happily married to your wife and servant as I am to mine!

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

I'm really worried about it. Maybe it won't work.

I am marrying my "wife" at the weekend and I might not get it up. And I won't be thinking about boys because I'm NOT a homosexual.

Please play that my manhood performs.

Thank you and God bless Jesus

Why is your wife in quotation marks? Is this actually your homo "partner"?

Listen son, you are among the most profligate and degenerate ex-homers and masturbators that Satan ever tempted. We came to Jesus and let Him come in us. You aren't fooling anyone with this denial of your gayness.

Get some Jesus in your soul or suffer in Hell.

In Christ!

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

I'm really worried about it. Maybe it won't work.

I am marrying my "wife" at the weekend and I might not get it up. And I won't be thinking about boys because I'm NOT a homosexual.

Please play that my manhood performs.

Thank you and God bless Jesus

Congrats on your upcoming nuptials! I'm glad you are planning on procreating a making new Soliders for Christ.

Regarding your concern about your Solider "standing tall" for Christ. Perhaps you could have a Pastor Lay Hands on it.

You can dot it!!!

Get it Up for JESUS!

[Lisa H]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

...
Please play that my manhood performs.
...

[Jedediah]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

When I graduated from my Ex-Gay(c) Remedial Program seven years ago, I also found it difficult to achieve tumescence when my wife and I would attempt to conceive a son. But I found a trick...

I always become erect when I hear Ronald Reagan's voice, so I burned several of the Gipper's speeches to a CD. So as Rebekah laid silent and motionless, every organ on my body was brimming with stimulation as
"Government does not solve problems; it subsidizes them,"
"Government is not the solution to our problems; government IS the problem," and
"The abortionist who reassembles the arms and legs of a tiny baby to make sure all its parts have been torn from its mother's body can hardly doubt whether it is a human being,"
sent a tingle through my spine and, dare I say, my privy member.

This has worked for me on multiple occasions, and I have now fathered five sons, with a sixth on the way. So that is my advice to you: Play some of Ronald Reagan's Greatest Hits on your stereo while you do your business on your wife.

[LordSaveUs]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

Thank you Jedediah for your sterling advice. I will certainly take that on board, but rather than Reagan, I prefer the rippling muscles of Arnold in his prime. So I will think of Arnie and hope to perform and produce some Christian babies.

My new "wife" will be pleased.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

Thank you Jedediah for your sterling advice. I will certainly take that on board, but rather than Reagan, I prefer the rippling muscles of Arnold in his prime. So I will think of Arnie and hope to perform and produce some Christian babies.

My new "wife" will be pleased.

I do hope your "wife" is capable of bearing children, not on birth control, and that you have not had a vasectomy.

The sole purpose for sexual relations is to bear children. This is why sodomy is illegal in a number of states (oral/anal sex, even between heterosexual couples). If you are expecting to have recreational sex, you are buying yourself a ticket to Hell!

[Bob4God]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

Perhaps the females in this thread could find something to go do in the kitchen?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

Maybe he's a jap talking about voting?

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

Thank you Jedediah for your sterling advice. I will certainly take that on board, but rather than Reagan, I prefer the rippling muscles of Arnold in his prime. So I will think of Arnie and hope to perform and produce some Christian babies.

My new "wife" will be pleased.

I can see why you'd want to do that, but I think that Crocodile Arnold's fruity Australian accent might be a little bit sinful. I'd suggest finding some other form of manly, masculine stimulation to increase your virility. Why not watch that wikileaks video of that Godly US helicopter gunship shooting down muslims? That's the kind of stuff that should get your manjuices going and get your little man up and ready to go.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

I can see why you'd want to do that, but I think that Crocodile Arnold's fruity Australian accent might be a little bit sinful. I'd suggest finding some other form of manly, masculine stimulation to increase your virility. Why not watch that wikileaks video of that Godly US helicopter gunship shooting down muslims? That's the kind of stuff that should get your manjuices going and get your little man up and ready to go.

Ever seen the movie Rocky? That one for some reason makes MR wiggly stand tall.

[LordSaveUs]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

OK - So It's my wedding night and I snuck out to the business center in the hotel. We've had 3 attempts and so far absolutely nothing has happened to help my man expand to the size needed for the performance of my husbandly duties. Now given than I'm NOT gay and my "wife" is very up for it (so we can make a new Christian baby on our wedding night), does anyone have any advice before I lose my mind? Fast replies please, it's late and she thinks I just went to the hotel chapel to pray. Thank you!!!! Praise The LORD Jesus.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

OK - So It's my wedding night and I snuck out to the business center in the hotel. We've had 3 attempts and so far absolutely nothing has happened to help my man expand to the size needed for the performance of my husbandly duties. Now given than I'm NOT gay and my "wife" is very up for it (so we can make a new Christian baby on our wedding night), does anyone have any advice before I lose my mind? Fast replies please, it's late and she thinks I just went to the hotel chapel to pray. Thank you!!!! Praise The LORD Jesus.

Think about JESUS and how he was HUNG up on the Cross (for you).

Think about her fresh pies.

Do it for the kids! The kids you will make for HIM that is.

You can do it Brother LSU, you can get it UP for JESUS!

Now go back in there and make some babies.

[Seth Campbell]

Re: Pray For Me to Get an Erection Next Weekend

OK - So It's my wedding night and I snuck out to the business center in the hotel. We've had 3 attempts and so far absolutely nothing has happened to help my man expand to the size needed for the performance of my husbandly duties. Now given than I'm NOT gay and my "wife" is very up for it (so we can make a new Christian baby on our wedding night), does anyone have any advice before I lose my mind? Fast replies please, it's late and she thinks I just went to the hotel chapel to pray. Thank you!!!! Praise The LORD Jesus.

Relax, I think you're not rising to the occasion because you are putting too much stress on yourself. We didn't do "it" on our wedding night. We got back to the hotel, sat on the couch, she started rubbing my feet and the next thing either one of us knew, it was morning.

I think it was day 3 by the time we actually consummated the marriage. Day 2 was a travel day and again, we were both just too bushed by the end of it.