Going into the Winemaking buisness! Need prayers (and cash)!!

[Rebuko the Clown]

Well i think its time for a career change for me. Trying to make a living as a clown in this bad econemy and with my registered sex offender status is just plain tough!! Children hate you and adults feel sorry for you. You know how many times im at a party or on a first date with a woman and i get asked "So what do you do for a living?" and Im like "Im a clown", then they laugh and are like "No really what do you do?" ITS A FREAKING EMBARASSMENT!

So i want to go into the winemaking buisness, just like Jesus, and ill finaly acheive the fame and riches ive been praying for my hole life! Now i admit i know next to nothing bout proper winemaking. i dont know how to grow the grapes crush the grapes make the grapes turn into liquor ect. i dont have money for barrels and caskets or some huge fields or a nice factory. But i wont let that stop me! I have a foolproof business plan.

Wine is just alcoholic grape juice. So a nice cheap easy way of making wine is to get some Welch's grape juice and add some store-brand vodka to it. Me and my buddy used to drank that shit back in the day. Get plastered off that shit and then go break into some cars and steal them for joyrides till we crashed. FUN TIMES! But that was before i found the LORD and got SAVED.

The local winn-dixie supermarket has two of the big Welch's jugs on sale for 2 for $5. And i can get a 1.75 L bottle of vodka for $7. So the raw ingredients are dirt cheap. as for bottles i can ask the guys over at the reclycing dump to give me some old wine bottles and i can take them home and wash them out with soap and fill these bottles with the new wine and sell them. And youve heard of Ezekiel 4:9 Bread well this is gonna be Genesis 19:33 Wine because 1933 was the year probition was repealed, and its also a Bible verse about wine (pacificly about Lots daughters getting him drunk and having sex with him). FUN TIMES TO BE HAD TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE THE HIGH ROLLING LIFESTYLE WITH GENESIS 19:33 PREMIUM WINE!!!!!!!

Please pray for me so i might suceed! ALSO I AM IN NEED OF A LOAN!!! This is a 100% gauranteed money making opportunity act now. you cant go wrong with this buisness plan and with me at the helm! THIS WONT BE ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAILED BUISNESS SCHEMES I PROMISE YOU!!!

I need thousands of dollars. PM me if interested in becoming a MILLIONARE!!!!!

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Going into the Winemaking buisness! Need prayers (and cash)!!

This sounds like a solid investment. Do you take checks? To improve the profit ratio you could add water and pray to Jesus to change it into wine.

John 2:6-10 "And there were set there six waterpots of stone, after the manner of the purifying of the Jews, containing two or three firkins apiece. Jesus saith unto them, Fill the waterpots with water. And they filled them up to the brim. And he saith unto them, Draw out now, and bear unto the governor of the feast. And they bare it. When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was: (but the servants which drew the water knew;) the governor of the feast called the bridegroom, And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: but thou hast kept the good wine until now."

[4 Christ]

Re: Going into the Winemaking buisness! Need prayers (and cash)!!

[Miss Christine]

Re: Going into the Winemaking buisness! Need prayers (and cash)!!

A thrifty idea indeed! It is truly part of the American spirit to start one's own buisness from the ground up. Perhaps you could reduce your cost margin even further by using rubbing alcohol to mix with the grape juice.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Going into the Winemaking buisness! Need prayers (and cash)!!

Hmm, I'm interested in a loan, but not completely sold yet. Have you researched the market potential for ghetto wine? How do you plan to compete with rivals such as Mad Dog 20/20 and Boone's Farm? How will you be handling distribution?

[Jack O'fagan]

Re: Going into the Winemaking buisness! Need prayers (and cash)!!

I think going for a ghetto wine may be a mistake. Surely there is more potential profit in the sparkling Champagne market? You would only need to add an Alka-Seltzer.
This would also help with the inevitable 'morning after' feeling.

YiC

Jack

[MisterM]

Re: Going into the Winemaking buisness! Need prayers (and cash)!!

I still have suitcase full of small bills due the Bible business with Russians. I can't put them into bank account (taxation issues). I could borrow you maybe 50000 - 100000 dollars with reasonable interest, maybe 10 percent monthly. First month interest free.

YiC, M

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Going into the Winemaking buisness! Need prayers (and cash)!!

I hate to be a wet blanket, but if you become a winemaker aren't you afraid people will mistake you for being french, or even worse, californian?

Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth
Posted via Mobile Device

[HTannor]

Re: Going into the Winemaking buisness! Need prayers (and cash)!!

I hate to be a wet blanket, but if you become a winemaker aren't you afraid people will mistake you for being french, or even worse, californian?

Not necessarily, Brother Smyth. There are a number of winemakers throughout Iowa. If he passes himself off as an Iowa winemaker he could well avoid being labeled a homer. A hayseed, maybe, but not a fag. Although he would wise to adopt a seedcorn hat of some kind, or maybe one labelled John Deere.

I think going for a ghetto wine may be a mistake. Surely there is more potential profit in the sparkling Champagne market? You would only need to add an Alka-Seltzer.
This would also help with the inevitable 'morning after' feeling.

Leave it to our Brother Jack to cut to the chase on this issue.

Since Mayor Jo Hold saw fit to cut the budget for salaries in our court system, I have taken to lowering my expectations when it comes to my personal budget.

I have tried lower classes of the grape and have found an annoying side effect:



Cheap wine and my digestive system just don't seem to co-exist on a daily basis.

Perhaps, I'll just look elsewhere for a more agreeable libation.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Going into the Winemaking buisness! Need prayers (and cash)!!

Rebuko--I'd like to offer up some help from the City of Freehold Economic Development fund but we'll need a little more paperwork first.

I'd like to see you develop some contacts in the Catholic church. They drink wine at their communion services. Surely they must buy wine by the bucketfull.

If you could secure a contract from the Des Moines Diocese, Freehold could loan you money for buying grape juice at the supermarket.

I must say I don't want this product sold in Freehold itself. Please.

[Dan U. Holier]

Re: Going into the Winemaking buisness! Need prayers (and cash)!!

I’d suggest producing wine out of water and not grape juice – either by God’s aid or Flavor Aid, because:

- It is, IMHO, scripturally correct (John 2:6-10);
- It shall contribute to feasibility of the business enterprise;



God bless

Dan

[Zaiger]

Re: Going into the Winemaking buisness! Need prayers (and cash)!!

I will cut the check but you should ammend your business plan. That plan alone will stunt your growth, you need to think big picture.

The local winn-dixie supermarket has two of the big Welch's jugs on sale for 2 for $5.

That is great but what about when the grape juice is no longer on sale? You proffit margin will dry up a bit. What you need to do is get some powder or syrup concentrate you can get it for 5-10 dollars and make 50+ gallons with it.

And i can get a 1.75 L bottle of vodka for $7. So the raw ingredients are dirt cheap.

That is cheaper but you could do one better by getting store brand rubbing alcohol and again you only need a little bit and the stuff is about 2 dollars a gallon.

as for bottles i can ask the guys over at the reclycing dump to give me some old wine bottles and i can take them home and wash them out with soap and fill these bottles with the new wine and sell them.

That again is good in spirit but your soap bill will rack up quick. Those little "germs" are god's creation and help cleanse the world of sinners.
pay close attention in the book of John

7 Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim.
8 Then he told them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.”
They did so, 9 and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew.

Jesus had THEM get the get the jars, this is just how it should be done. Have your customers ship you whatever they want the wine in (filled 3/4 with water) along with payment. That way you can save money on getting bottles and you can charge people 10 dollars for S&H.
Where do i send the check?