[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Well you complete sick in the head nutcase. You're celebrating a childs injury. Tell me where you live and Ill get to work on you with bolt cutters and Ill make you realise your 'God' cannot help you. And if I'm not mistaken you're an English man so get running because Ill find you. But you being in my country does help a bit.

Why are atheists so hateful? Were you abused, or something? Jesus can heal your soul, if you let Him come inside of you.

YIC

[Talitha]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Well you complete sick in the head nutcase. You're celebrating a childs injury. Tell me where you live and Ill get to work on you with bolt cutters and Ill make you realise your 'God' cannot help you. And if I'm not mistaken you're an English man so get running because Ill find you. But you being in my country does help a bit.

Friend, making threats is breaking the law.
Your IP address has been given to the DOF. Be ready for a knock on your door.

God Bless.

[joshkini]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

PRAISE JESUS!

I have been praying for months for Him to do something about the masturbating little freak that lives just down our road. I see him stroking cats to lure them back into his bedroom for bestiality. He walks past our house and looks lustfully on my car, coveting it. And I saw him look on my wife once and undress her with his eyes. I only need to close my eyes and the image of them coupling like sweaty beasts fills my mind.

Anyway, naturally I would think any True Christian™ would have little problem imagining this sinful wretch lying on his bed surrounded by tissues choking the chicken. His face straining with sinful thoughts of ravaging my wife and the daughter of Mr Swallow down the road with her comely breasts and low cut top. He must be hardly able to keep his eyes off the little slut.

Well my prayers to stop his onanism were answered last night. There was a police car round at his house. When I inquired it would seem that he was in a car accident earlier that evening and has been paralysed from the chest down. No more engorged tallywackers for that kid!

GLORY!

Well you complete sick in the head nutcase. You're celebrating a childs injury. Tell me where you live and Ill get to work on you with bolt cutters and Ill make you realise your 'God' cannot help you. And if I'm not mistaken you're an English man so get running because Ill find you. But you being in my country does help a bit.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Just look at the depravity masturbation brings. THIS perverted Kiwi was caught spanking his monkey on the train...and he was the conductor!

Train driver caught masturbating during “delay”

A TRAIN DRIVER on Melbourne’s Sunbury line was caught masturbating in the driver’s cabin after he told passengers there would be a “short delay”.

At 9.31am Monday, the Sunbury train departed Flinders Street. As the train approached Southern Cross, the train had stopped, and the driver announced “There will be a short delay”. Rosie Williams, 24 was already late to work due to a previous delay on her connecting Hurstbridge line, and she became impatient.

“He didn’t say how long the delay would be or why there is one, so we were waiting for a good five minutes. I lost my temper.”

Williams reports that she approached ticket inspectors on the train to see if they could resolve the cause of the delay.

The inspectors had entered the driver’s cabin and found Ian Higgins, 34, masturbating. He was completely naked.

Inspectors ordered him to put his clothes back on and arrive at Southern Cross, where they would call the police and have him arrested. Inspector Dale Rob said that what he saw was “disgusting”.

“Clearly these drivers think they can stop the trains whenever they like and conduct whatever business they like, and say it’s a ‘delay’. What passenger is going to know?

We’ve caught drivers stopping trains just to have a cigarette out the window of the cabin.”

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Here's a powerful new video that is sure to help stop anyone from wanting to spill their seed.

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

A quick update on the situation with the ex-masturbating cripple down the road.

His family have been joyously telling all the neighbours that they are going to be put on the list for revolutionary experimental stem cell surgery to repair his spine.

How many abominations at once can these devils contemplate? First of all he's bound to start his self manipulation again if it succeeds and also the brains of dead babies or something are used in this stem cell stuff. GW Bush himself was set against it so it must be evil.

How can I stop this horror from happening and God's will being thwarted by these evil people?

Please, prayer warriors, let's get together on this one.

[Alterboy]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

When I feel the temptation to fornicate with myself I take a long, icy shower until my private parts retract. It helps. As such, I have never masturbated.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Children masturbating is one of the chief problems facing America today!

Masturbation leads to homosexuality, depravity, or worse, furryism!

Masturbation is nothing less than child molestation. Your son is having sex with a minor, himself!

Parents should not be afraid of beating the masturbation demon out of thier sons!

[James Hutchins]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

A few 'insiders' are aware one of my boys (Paul, I think is his name, who can keep track) has taken a particular 'interest' in his 'thing'. I tried all the normal methods to get him to stop. Nothing worked. Even having him stand naked on the side of the road holding a sign over his head "I am a chronic masturbator".
After re-roofing one of the out buildings that house part of my classic Harley collection, it came to me as as a divine inspiration. I looked at my worn and reddened hands torn up from handling the shingles. I had the solution! I coated the boys hands in contact adhesive and had the child hold his hands deep in a can of crushed beer bottle glass. After an hour, I let him take his hands out.
I'll report back tomorrow but I think we have a good hand on this problem!

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Now that the young man has been paralyzed rather than killed, perhaps he will see how merciful and forgiving our GOD really is! Either way, he is now literally unable to plug his ears to the good news, and you will be rewarded in Heaven for taking advantage of that.

Put a clamp on his wheel chair tires and read him the gospel every night!

Sadly the restraining order prohibits that. Secular law!!!

However, signs in my window are making the point every time they wheel him past.

GOD'S WRATH UPON THE
FORNICATORS IN THE
MIND!

LUSTFUL THOUGHTS TODAY,
FEELING GOD'S JUDGEMENT
TOMORROW

IF YOU FIND YOURSELF
IN TIMES OF TROUBLE,
WHAT DID YOU DO TO
ANGER OUR LORD?

Things like that.

And my personal favourite:

YOU SHOULD HAVE WALKED
WITH JESUS
WHILE YOU HAD THE
CHANCE!

Praise Jesus for making brake pipes fail!

[Bob4God]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Now that the young man has been paralyzed rather than killed, perhaps he will see how merciful and forgiving our GOD really is! Either way, he is now literally unable to plug his ears to the good news, and you will be rewarded in Heaven for taking advantage of that.

Put a clamp on his wheel chair tires and read him the gospel every night!

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Well my prayers to stop his onanism were answered last night. There was a police car round at his house. When I inquired it would seem that he was in a car accident earlier that evening and has been paralysed from the chest down. No more engorged tallywackers for that kid!

GLORY!

Oh Redeemed Papist, I join you in Praising Sweet and Merciful Jesus for that Wonderful Miracle!

\0/

[Paragon of virtue]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

That's Great News!! Maybe now he can channel all of that wasted energy into reading the Word...or if that's too difficult someone can read it aloud to him as they are feeding him his daily serving of mush or apple sauce. You would be surprised when God wants you to slow down, you WILL slow down, like it or not. It will all work out in the end. He may not be able to physically grow anymore, but spiritual growth is better anyway !

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

PRAISE JESUS!

I have been praying for months for Him to do something about the masturbating little freak that lives just down our road. I see him stroking cats to lure them back into his bedroom for bestiality. He walks past our house and looks lustfully on my car, coveting it. And I saw him look on my wife once and undress her with his eyes. I only need to close my eyes and the image of them coupling like sweaty beasts fills my mind.

Anyway, naturally I would think any True Christian(tm) would have little problem imagining this sinful wretch lying on his bed surrounded by tissues choking the chicken. His face straining with sinful thoughts of ravaging my wife and the daughter of Mr Swallow down the road with her comely breasts and low cut top. He must be hardly able to keep his eyes off the little slut.

Well my prayers to stop his onanism were answered last night. There was a police car round at his house. When I inquired it would seem that he was in a car accident earlier that evening and has been paralysed from the chest down. No more engorged tallywackers for that kid!

GLORY!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Here's a new Christian comic book I just came across.