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Gentlemen, You might think you're fooling your helpmeet, but she knows what you're up to. So, cut it out (so to speak) and assume the position.
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I loved Newt before Newt was invincible -
Re: Masturbation is handrosexual
Next thing you know these filthy handrosexuals are going to want to visit their partners in the emergency room. Disgusting! -
Re: Masturbation is handrosexual
All True Christians(tm) know that if a boy touches himself, even in the shower, he is a handrosexural. So just shut up about it and accept the fact that you are going to burn in HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY! "Fantasizing" about the "body parts" of female sluts is never an excuse! Since a boy is touching a male unmentionable member, that makes him HANDROSEXURAL!
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!Comment
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Re: Masturbation is handrosexual
Exactly. I think Brother V will have something to say about this.sigpic
I loved Newt before Newt was invincibleComment
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Re: Masturbation is handrosexual
Any more than 3 shakes and you're a handrosexual.
That's my motto.Comment
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Re: Masturbation is handrosexual
I'm with Eric Lindros. My seed is only for my Amy and our potential 4th child. May the LORD make our children 75% male, not that awful number of 6 repeating!
I wouldn't want to be struck dead like Onan for spilling it on the ground.Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.
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Re: Masturbation is handrosexual
Opps I thought I was in a different thread I did not read nothing I am so sorry,Emil dont make my behind redComment
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Re: Masturbation is handrosexual
Now here I go again havin to apoligize for Lola. Im real sorry for her sniffin around in here again and it aint gonna happen again.Originally posted by Lola Handcock View Post
Dang it that woman does have a mind a her own and I mean to change that right soon here. My hands a little sore and she dont seem to mind the spankins. So my Godly brothers what can I do now? I think she kinda likes the spankins. Is it ok to make her go pick out her own switch and then use that on her back side?
Edited : Hey how come my post showed up like the devil posted it? Whats goin on here?GOT DEMONS? WE CAN HELP! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO FIGHT THEM ALONE! JESUS WANTS YOU TO BE RID OF THEM ONCE AND FOR ALL! YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO IT ALONE! LET US HELP YOU RIGHT AWAY!
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Re: Masturbation is handrosexual
Look, all I'm gonna say about masturbation is that it is not normal. The average man does not masturbate. Ever. Having the desire to masturbate is unusual and is most likely an indication of some kind of sexual perversion and depravity. I should know-- at one time in my life I was paid to masturbate on camera. It was sick and I regret it deeply. One day you're masturbating on camera, the next day you're pounding a 400lbs black woman named Hidden Valley while a Korean midget licks your asshole and there's a longhorn sheep chained to the post of the bed you're on -- just sick shit. As a rule of thumb I tell all the young men I council to never touch their penis for any reason ever. It can make going to the bathroom both difficult and disgusting, but it's better than going to hell.My story is like that of most, if not all Born Again Christians: I was lost, I did some drugs, I had sex with a lot of women, then I had sex with a lot of men, then I did it with some children, then I did it with some animals, then I went back to women for a little bit but also did it with animals on the side, then I did it with men and some children, then I got a bunch of irreversible STDs and can no longer get an erection so I decided to give my life to Christ since I can't bone women or men or children or animals anymore. Read my testimony here: http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=21140Comment
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Re: Masturbation is handrosexual
As I am fluent in Greek per my days studying hard in Bible College, I can tell you that masturbation is equivalent to homosexuality via the etymological evidence. First let's look at the English...
Handrosexual: Of or pertaining to the sexual preference to one's hand.
Now, this word is very, very similar to the Greek root "Andro" which means man (male). Hence androgens which are male hormones. Utilizing this knowledge we know that Andro+Sexual = Attracted to men.
Therefore, it is perfectly reasonable to surmise that Handrosexual = Androsexual. In both cases, you have your hand manipulating a penis, and the etymology proves they are one in the same thing. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that masturbation makes one androsexual (aka homosexual).Comment
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Re: Masturbation is handrosexual
Can a wifes hand manipulate it? No that would be sin full too I spose. Just askin is all. Aint never even thought a that till now anyhoo. Really. Never would a let anything like that go on no how. Just was curious is all.Originally posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View PostGOT DEMONS? WE CAN HELP! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO FIGHT THEM ALONE! JESUS WANTS YOU TO BE RID OF THEM ONCE AND FOR ALL! YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO IT ALONE! LET US HELP YOU RIGHT AWAY!
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Re: Masturbation is handrosexual
Emil, the only proper use for your tallywacker is making some more sons. That's what Jesus wants. I hear Lola's 2 boys may be lost forever to the Mormoon cult, so you'd better get busy pal, and make some more future soldiers for Christ.Originally posted by Emil Sledge View Post
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!Comment
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Re: Masturbation is handrosexual
Yes sir, Pastor Zeke, I got a lot a work to do. I went to that LBC doctor that Rev. M. Rodimer hooked me up with sos he could do that vesectomy thing where he made sure all my parts is workin good for makin little soldiers for Jesus. Didnt even hurt none either. That Rev. Rodimer hes a good egg he is and he even payed for the whole thing even before I got there.Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Lolas boys are in a awful way right now. Heck I never even met them wouldnt know them if I walk smack into them. Then soon as Lolas gone for a couple weeks her evil ma gets her self Mormonized and then Lolas boys too. Lolas sad and mighty mad but dont look like theres much we can do. Her boys dont want nothin to do with her no more now that they have the satanic mormons doin there thinkin for them. Sad I tell ya. Well I think we gonna tithe a little extra this comin Sunday mornin cause we need all the prayers we can get so Lola can forget about them damned boys and her devil ma.GOT DEMONS? WE CAN HELP! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO FIGHT THEM ALONE! JESUS WANTS YOU TO BE RID OF THEM ONCE AND FOR ALL! YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO IT ALONE! LET US HELP YOU RIGHT AWAY!
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Re: Masturbation is handrosexual
masturbation is totally normal. humans are sexual beings, although they dont need it like air it is a "need". a orgasm a day keeps the doctor away.A whip for the horse, a bridle for the ass, and a rod for the fool's back. Proverbs 26:3Comment
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Re: Masturbation is handrosexual
I assume that you're not licensed to practice medicine in ANY state.Originally posted by Godlovesall View PostComment
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