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  • #31
    Re: Manly Jokes

    All the discussion of the "erection in church" problem reminds me of a joke!

    Q: What is ten inches long, has a circumference of nearly four inches, and is white?

    A: Nothing

    sigpicMIKE HUCKABEE/RAND PAUL - 2012 (or sooner if possible)

    Comment

    • #32
      Re: Manly Jokes

      Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
      Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt!

      How do they know Princess Diana used Head & Shoulders?
      They found hers on the dashboard!

      Why don't women need to drive?
      Because there isn't a road between the stove and my phallus.
      Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.


      sigpic

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      • #33
        Re: Manly Jokes

        A man comes busting into his house waving a piece of paper in the air. "Honey, go in there and start packing. I just won the lottery!!!" "Oh my, what do I pack for? Should I pack for the winter, are we going to Aspen? Or are we going to Jamaca, should I pack for summer?" To which the man replies, "I don't care what you pack for just get out of my house!"

        Comment

        • #34
          Re: Manly Jokes

          Originally posted by godizluv View Post
          A man comes busting into his house waving a piece of paper in the air. "Honey, go in there and start packing. I just won the lottery!!!" "Oh my, what do I pack for? Should I pack for the winter, are we going to Aspen? Or are we going to Jamaca, should I pack for summer?" To which the man replies, "I don't care what you pack for just get out of my house!"
          Were the couple married? Divorce is a sin, not something to be joked about.
          6
          A woman came up to me the other day, 12/6/2016 and said:
          "But Mr. Winner, if GOD loves everyone then why is there so much suffering in the world?"

          Because GOD doesn't love everyone. Too many people have this absurd idea in their heads that GOD is all loving.
          If he was all loving, then murderers, thieves and homosexuals would be waiting for you in Heaven.

          GOD doesn't open his gate to just anyone. Being a True Christian™ is like a Queue Jump ticket at Disney, we are guaranteed a ride with JESUS.

          Comment

          • #35
            Re: Manly Jokes

            Were the couple married? Divorce is a sin, not something to be joked about.
            from the "old pervert gives pedophelia underwear to underage" thread
            Since Reverend Jim is in the middle of divorce proceedings,
            Maybe you should mention that to your fellow "christian brother"...Ass Hat!

            Comment

            • #36
              Re: Manly Jokes

              Originally posted by godizluv View Post
              from the "old pervert gives pedophelia underwear to underage" thread

              Maybe you should mention that to your fellow "christian brother"...Ass Hat!
              His situation is unique, in that he has been married to his wife for 3 years and she is suspected of ADULTERY.

              Matthew 5:32
              But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

              So no, I wont be mentioning it to him. I still cannot believe you made that horrible joke .
              6
              A woman came up to me the other day, 12/6/2016 and said:
              "But Mr. Winner, if GOD loves everyone then why is there so much suffering in the world?"

              Because GOD doesn't love everyone. Too many people have this absurd idea in their heads that GOD is all loving.
              If he was all loving, then murderers, thieves and homosexuals would be waiting for you in Heaven.

              GOD doesn't open his gate to just anyone. Being a True Christian™ is like a Queue Jump ticket at Disney, we are guaranteed a ride with JESUS.

              Comment

              • #37
                Re: Manly Jokes

                Q:What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
                A: Mmhpmph

                Q: What did one woman say to the other?
                A: Who cares

                Comment

                • #38
                  Re: Manly Jokes

                  Three women were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
                  The first woman said, "Those are deer tracks."
                  The second woman said, "No, those are elk tracks."
                  The third woman said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
                  The women were still arguing when the train hit them.

                  Deuteronomy 7:26 Neither shalt thou bring an abomination into thine house, lest thou be a cursed thing like it: but thou shalt utterly detest it, and thou shalt utterly abhor it; for it is a cursed thing.

                  Comment

                  • #39
                    Re: Manly Jokes

                    What did Dodi Al-Fayed say to his bodyguard?
                    "Would you like to go to Paris with me and Di?"
                    Joshua 24:15
                    And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.

                    Comment

                    • #40
                      Re: Manly Jokes

                      What do you say to a messicant on a $800 bicycle?

                      STOP, THIEF!
                      sigpic 1 Chronicles 16:15
                      Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
                      Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
                      Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.

                      Comment

                      • #41
                        Re: Manly Jokes

                        What do we have that Adam never had?

                        Ancestors
                        Leviticus 18:23 Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion.

                        Comment

                        • #42
                          Re: Manly Jokes

                          Originally posted by Sidoain View Post
                          What do we have that Adam never had?

                          Ancestors
                          What we have that you never will?

                          A future
                          sigpic 1 Chronicles 16:15
                          Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations ... an everlasting covenant.
                          Proverbs 30:5,6: Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
                          Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.

                          Comment

                          • #43
                            Re: Manly Jokes

                            Jesus walks into a bar, lies 3 nails on the counter and asks, "Can you put me up for the night?"

                            Comment

                            • #44
                              Re: Manly Jokes

                              Guy gets a call to go to the hospital - his wife had been in a horrible car accident.

                              The doctor calls him aside and says, "I'm sorry to have to tell you that your wife will be in a semi-vegetative state for the rest of her life." The guy is shocked and feels faint. The doctor says, "She will need around-the-clock care. Your wife will not be able to control her bowels. Unless she has complete facial reconstruction there will be a great deal of her skull visible. Because of brain damage she will have bouts of uncontrollable violent seizures. She will be unable to speak except for shrieks and grunting. You will have to spoon-feed her baby food. Sex will be out of the question."

                              By now the guy is ready to pass out with panic and feels the room spin. The doc continues, "And I'm sorry to tell you that your insurance won't cover any long-term care, which will be about $600,000 each year."

                              This is just too much. The guy starts to collapse to the floor when the doctor starts laughing, and says, "Hey, relax, it's OK, I'm just messing with you.....she's dead...."

                              ******
                              (ps, Do I get a medal now?)
                              Leviticus 13:44 He is a leprous man, he is UNCLEAN: the priest shall pronounce him utterly UNCLEAN; his plague is in his head.

                              2 Kings 6:25 And there was a great famine in Samaria: and, behold, they besieged it, until an ass's head was sold for fourscore pieces of silver, and the fourth part of a cab of dove's dung for five pieces of silver.



                              King James Bible v1611

                              Good Enough For JESUS....Good Enough For Me !!

                              sigpic

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                              • #45
                                Re: Manly Jokes

                                Originally posted by landoverlover View Post
                                ******
                                (ps, Do I get a medal now?)
                                I believe they're working on a "witless gorm" medal.
                                Bible boring? Nonsense!
                                Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                                You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

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