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I found Jesus.
Today was a great day. I went down to Dover, which has a alot of spanish people living there, and I went into one of the chuchs there and found Him. He was just sitting there listen to the preacher.
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Re: I found Jesus.
So you, Jedi Master and Omerta have a bet going on who is the bigger damn fool?Originally posted by Lunar_seed View PostToday was a great day. I went down to Dover, which has a alot of spanish people living there, and I went into one of the chuchs there and found Him. He was just sitting there listen to the preacher.
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
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Re: I found Jesus.
He was real nice. Not only does He save people; He mows white people's lawn! How cool!Originally posted by Bobby-Joe View PostComment
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Re: I found Jesus.
The only Dover where you can find Jesus is LAN DOVER, and Jesus isn't Spanish or a Messcan. He is as white a God's beard! Now become invisible, Tinkerbelle, before I feed you to the croc.Originally posted by Lunar_seed View PostToday was a great day. I went down to Dover, which has a alot of spanish people living there, and I went into one of the chuchs there and found Him. He was just sitting there listen to the preacher.Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Re: I found Jesus.
... and he can start by changing that fairy avatar to something more ... more ... hmmm ...Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...Comment
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Re: I found Jesus.
Like most people that play with themselves, you are the only one that thinks their own one liners are clever.Originally posted by Spilled_seed View Post
Let me give you a piece of friendly advice Spilled_Seed. You may see many titles here on the Holy Landover boards, from Pastor, Senior Pastor, Moderator, Super Moderator; none of this should concern you other than to heed their warnings and make some attempt to turn you life around to Jesus.
Pastor Al E Pistle is a very special Pastor in the Landover Baptist hierarchy. He is the only one that holds the Holy Gong. Believe me, you do not want to experience the power of the Holy Gong. While you should show respect for all True Christians™ on this board, you are to show the utmost respect and deference to Pastor Pistle.
I believe some humble apology is due from you.Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawnsigpicComment
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Re: I found Jesus.
If you mean something more queer, I'm not sure that it's physically possible.Originally posted by minister noddy View Post... and he can start by changing that fairy avatar to something more ... more ... hmmm ...O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
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God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.Comment
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Re: I found Jesus.
Ooooooh nooooooo!Originally posted by Brother Temperance View Post
Since yesterday someone has changed his avatar from that hideous fairy one to a naked homer with its head up its backside
Now I'm not sure if that's physically possible, Brother T
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...Comment
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Re: I found Jesus.
It's shopped.Originally posted by minister noddy View PostOoooooh nooooooo!
Since yesterday someone has changed his avatar from that hideous fairy one to a naked homer with its head up its backside
Now I'm not sure if that's physically possible, Brother TComment
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Re: I found Jesus.
Pastor Al, that's cruelty to animals!Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
You can't go around poisoning crocodiles!
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Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!Comment
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Re: I found Jesus.
Well, I suspected it had to be, Joo, since no normal human body could be that ... um ... limberOriginally posted by Joo View Post
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...Comment
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Re: I found Jesus.
This jooboy is a champion at pointing out the obvious. He tells everyone what they already know, but he can't see the hooked nose on his own face.Originally posted by minister noddy View PostWell, I suspected it had to be, Joo, since no normal human body could be that ... um ... limber
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!Comment
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Re: I found Jesus.
Actually if I close one eye, I can see the side of my nose on the side with the open eye.Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View PostComment
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