[Roland]

Re: I had an erection in church

Supporting Scripture, please.

Perhaps he is extrapolating on Mark 9:43-47? Maybe Preacher1 felt that the topic starter was offended by a part of his body and gave a suggestion.

[James Hutchins]

Re: I had an erection in church

God and all methods of displaying a Christians devotion always get my passions rising. While I personally find erections disgusting and vile, God makes them happen and controls what a penis does so as a mere turgid member of His Flock, I do as God has me do. I suppose this is why God makes Homofaquals have rectal and oral sex. Can you imagine?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I had an erection in church

I too confess that I once suffered this phenomenon in church. However if you thought you Sunday morning was bad mine really did spoil an otherwise lovely funeral.
It was just as the coffin came in I spotted my girlfriend and the little fella just got excited. I told her not to wear the sexy dress to a funeral but sometime she just doesn't listen. However I didn't even have the relative luxury of being able to whack the trouser protrusion with the order of service as my mother always was a bit on the heavy side and carrying her was definitely a two handed job.
RIP mum

Please make a thread of your own in the "Introductions" section of the forum, so that we can properly greet you. Tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus.

And if you're here to flame us, better take a look at THIS before making an even bigger ass out of yourself.

I will pray that the Holy Spirit enter you and chase the demons out of your rectum and let Jesus fill you with His Grace. If you use your God-given free will to reject Christ and His temporary death on the cross for my sins, then you are sending yourself to hellfire.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: I had an erection in church

I too confess that I once suffered this phenomenon in church. However if you thought you Sunday morning was bad mine really did spoil an otherwise lovely funeral.
It was just as the coffin came in I spotted my girlfriend and the little fella just got excited. I told her not to wear the sexy dress to a funeral but sometime she just doesn't listen. However I didn't even have the relative luxury of being able to whack the trouser protrusion with the order of service as my mother always was a bit on the heavy side and carrying her was definitely a two handed job.
RIP mum

Instead of posting necrophile erotica, you might try introducing yourself in the Introduction Forum.



Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

[Samfromengland]

Re: I had an erection in church

Brother Nobar the same thing happened to me a few weeks ago. I had my wife on one side and Sister Thumper on the other side. Pastor Zeke was in the middle of a thunderous sermon on the evils of slutty females when it just happened. I could not get up and I did not want the Ladies to see my boner so I grabbed the hymnal book and hit my penis with it. Man did that hurt!

I too confess that I once suffered this phenomenon in church. However if you thought you Sunday morning was bad mine really did spoil an otherwise lovely funeral.
It was just as the coffin came in I spotted my girlfriend and the little fella just got excited. I told her not to wear the sexy dress to a funeral but sometime she just doesn't listen. However I didn't even have the relative luxury of being able to whack the trouser protrusion with the order of service as my mother always was a bit on the heavy side and carrying her was definitely a two handed job.
RIP mum

[DemonFollower69]

Re: I had an erection in church

Oops.. That is what I get for relying on memory.

It was Moses who wrote Genesis, referencing Adam, Shem and Noah right? He tells the story of Onan spilling his seed on the ground and God killing him for it.

Gen 38:8 and 9

[DemonFollower69]

Re: I had an erection in church

Qute an inspiring hymn Master Gordon.

I also had an erection in a Baptist Church in Australia. The preacher was shouting the sacred text, "Being rooted and grounded in love."

Was it Abraham or someone else who "spilt his seed upon the ground"? I will seek to find this text in the KJV.

I'm not sure it is alright by the Lord for there to be spilt seed in the church but it might be.

It was Abram who did it and it was not looked upon fondly.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: I had an erection in church

You had sexual thoughts and fantasies of a woman aka one of Satan's demons in human clothing! You better cut your thing off at once!

Supporting Scripture, please.

[Preacher1]

Re: I had an erection in church

Brothers, I am ashamed at what happened to me last Sunday at Church. I've had a few days to think about it, and I'm ready to admit it and move on.

It was a particularly warm morning and listening to the soothing sound of the pastor's voice caused me to nod-off a little. That is when I noticed the erection, and it woke me straight up. I don't know if anyone noticed me un-tuck my shirt and spread it over my lap.

I'm an old man, at this point, and I'm always glad to have a sign that my plumbing is still working, but just not during church! I was so embarrassed that my tallywhacker wouldn't behave. It was an award winning boner, too. It lasted for at least ten minutes, and I was hoping that it would go away before the service ended.

I tried to take my mind off of it by removing some gum off of the back of the pew in front of me. It was gone by the time I was done rubbing it off.

How will I know if this is going to happen again? What should I do to prevent this?

You had sexual thoughts and fantasies of a woman aka one of Satan's demons in human clothing! You better cut your thing off at once!

[WWJDnow]

Re: I had an erection in church

Is this what Paul meant in 2 Corinthians 12:20?

For I fear, lest, when I come, I shall not find you such as I would, and that I shall be found unto you such as ye would not: lest there be debates, envyings, wraths, strifes, backbitings, whisperings, swellings, tumults:

Anyway, I'm pretty sure that the only erection that belongs in church is the resurrection.

[Jedediah]

Re: I had an erection in church

This is an understandable reaction when the Holy Spirit moves through you. The important thing is that you handle it correctly. Catholics often fail in this regard, probably because they're not actually Christians.

[Octavius]

Re: I had an erection in church

We used to have a Church Policy that said if you become aroused and it is plainly visible in your trousers to excuse yourself to the men's room or the back of the Church (where of course no ladies are present) and beat the offending member with you KJV1611 Bible until it relents to the flaccid position.

I've seen a few teenage boys doing this before. It's good for them.

Besides, beating your penis may keep those pesky demons from infested your colon. It is much easier for them to do when you are in an aroused state.

With all due respect to a True Christian, why are you on a Men Only thread?

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: I had an erection in church

We used to have a Church Policy that said if you become aroused and it is plainly visible in your trousers to excuse yourself to the men's room or the back of the Church (where of course no ladies are present) and beat the offending member with you KJV1611 Bible until it relents to the flaccid position.

I've seen a few teenage boys doing this before. It's good for them.

Besides, beating your penis may keep those pesky demons from infesting your colon. It is much easier for them to do when you are in an aroused state.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: I had an erection in church

I find the lack of respect in discussing these things appalling. I feel that this is a gathering of lascivious old men and not a Christian fraternity. What is more, to hear a preacher admit that he thinks that his sermons give normal Christian men erections well that's seems somewhat homosexual, or at least (very) wrong. I don't go to Church to have an erection, I go to Church to practice humility and prayer, at least when I had the courage to, and my prayers started before Church, and also Bible.

Even if you are a horny old man you should have enough sense not to voice it on a Christian forum, you doing so alone makes me think you are unfit for the Christian life.

Tallywackers? WTH kind of language is that coming from a mature Christian man? Are you crazy? That's basically the only excuse. If not, your control over your purity is slipping away and you are becoming a source of damnation for the members of your flock. This kind of horny does NOT belong in a Church, it doesn't even belong in a restroom as far as I'm concerned. Call me prudish or whatever, but, that's how I feel.

Dear friend:

If you're going to rebuke True Christians™ and even pastors, at least put some Scripture into it. Thank you, and have a blessed day.

[self_abusing_sinner]

Re: I had an erection in church

I find the lack of respect in discussing these things appalling. I feel that this is a gathering of lascivious old men and not a Christian fraternity. What is more, to hear a preacher admit that he thinks that his sermons give normal Christian men erections well that's seems somewhat homosexual, or at least (very) wrong. I don't go to Church to have an erection, I go to Church to practice humility and prayer, at least when I had the courage to, and my prayers started before Church, and also Bible.

Even if you are a horny old man you should have enough sense not to voice it on a Christian forum, you doing so alone makes me think you are unfit for the Christian life.

Tallywackers? WTH kind of language is that coming from a mature Christian man? Are you crazy? That's basically the only excuse. If not, your control over your purity is slipping away and you are becoming a source of damnation for the members of your flock. This kind of horny does NOT belong in a Church, it doesn't even belong in a restroom as far as I'm concerned. Call me prudish or whatever, but, that's how I feel.

Take care,

sas