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I wanted to see what really goes on at retirement homes, so I decided to perform an undercover investigation. I am exceptionally fit and young-looking, so, much like Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire, I had to sit in a makeup chair to transform into a passable senior citizen. Three hours and one latex mask later, my transformation was complete:
Although I was crossdressing, I knew that Jesus approved. Unfortunately, I liked my new look so much that I spent the rest of the day sashaying and making kissy faces in front of the mirror and never got around to doing any undercover work. Nevertheless, after diligent research and scouring the Internet for pictures taken in what I assume to be retirement homes, I have made some wild guesses and reckless assertions.
Old age homes have become hotbeds of lechery. Widows and widowers live in dangerous proximity, unable to resist the temptation of wrinkled flesh. People who have led decent, God-fearing lives suddenly find themselves being sucked--quite literally--into wild, geriatric orgies that almost certainly involve Bengay.
Never use Bengay for erotic purposes. Even if Jesus forgives you, your private parts never will.
The proliferation of assisted living facilities has our nation's elderly fornicating at an alarming rate, and now scores upon scores of our precious old people are going to Hell. Keep your aging parents out of these places of hedonism. Their souls depend on it!
This grandmother has more to worry about than age spots and arthritis. She has AIDS thanks to this mustachioed septuagenarian.
Here is a group of senior citizens enjoying the camaraderie of singing around the piano just before an interracial debauch.
This elderly man is exhausted after a long day of Bingo and copulation.
Next in the Hatchet Undercover series, I infiltrate the American public school system as a popular high school senior.
Although I was crossdressing, I knew that Jesus approved. Unfortunately, I liked my new look so much that I spent the rest of the day sashaying and making kissy faces in front of the mirror and never got around to doing any undercover work. Nevertheless, after diligent research and scouring the Internet for pictures taken in what I assume to be retirement homes, I have made some wild guesses and reckless assertions.
Old age homes have become hotbeds of lechery. Widows and widowers live in dangerous proximity, unable to resist the temptation of wrinkled flesh. People who have led decent, God-fearing lives suddenly find themselves being sucked--quite literally--into wild, geriatric orgies that almost certainly involve Bengay.
Never use Bengay for erotic purposes. Even if Jesus forgives you, your private parts never will.
The proliferation of assisted living facilities has our nation's elderly fornicating at an alarming rate, and now scores upon scores of our precious old people are going to Hell. Keep your aging parents out of these places of hedonism. Their souls depend on it!
This grandmother has more to worry about than age spots and arthritis. She has AIDS thanks to this mustachioed septuagenarian.
Here is a group of senior citizens enjoying the camaraderie of singing around the piano just before an interracial debauch.
This elderly man is exhausted after a long day of Bingo and copulation.
Next in the Hatchet Undercover series, I infiltrate the American public school system as a popular high school senior.
. People over 40 are not supposed to have sex! You raise your children, get rid of them and wait until you die and go to Heaven. Sex is never part of that.
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