Pie conspiracy

[James Dewitt]

Brothers, I discovered store bought pies in MY home. Brother Seth found frozen pie crust boxes in his trash.
I am speechless to say the least. Have you found any thing abnormal about your wives pies? Are they a little to perfect? Sure Phebe blamed the pies on Helen our house guest. Sister BIG claims that she has not used a frozen crust in 6 months. Brothers are we a pawn in a pie conspiracy? Gentleman check your freezers and trash. This is what I found in my refrigerator, pies from a store And a coupon book hidden in the cupboard.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Pie conspiracy

I will not be able to sleep until I have purged my home of evil pie conspirators. I think I will hold Cindy Lou's feet over a fire until she confesses and disavows whatever lesbanian/feminist blood cult has put her up to this. Or maybe I should put rats in a bowl against her stomach and heat the bowl until the rats gnaw their way into her intestines. The rat method is a bit of a hassle, but it will extract a confession more quickly.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Pie conspiracy

I will not be able to sleep until I have purged my home of evil pie conspirators. I think I will hold Cindy Lou's feet over a fire until she confesses and disavows whatever lesbanian/feminist blood cult has put her up to this. Or maybe I should put rats in a bowl against her stomach and heat the bowl until the rats gnaw their way into her intestines. The rat method is a bit of a hassle, but it will extract a confession more quickly.

While your ideas are an inspiration to all of us, and MAY come in handy. You might want to look through the freezer and garbage first. Rats can be hard to find this time of year. I am still waiting for Phebe to come clean before I make a call to Sam Diamond. I have a deep seated feeling that MORE than 1 or 2 wives are pulling this off.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Pie conspiracy

When I was in the Landover Mens Club I over heard you saying something about frozen pie crusts. Sorry I was in a rush and could not touch base with you but I had a load of 'perishables' and did not want to get caught 'holding the bag' as it were. Thanks for clearing it up. I suppose I should apologize to Mrs. Hutchins but that would just confuse her more.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Pie conspiracy

Hm, you might be on something here. Pies have been suspiciously similar lately.

[Brother Barnabus]

Re: Pie conspiracy

Now that you mention it , there is something fishy going on with the pie at my place too. The other night I could swear there were ice crystals in the blueberries. The Mrs. supposedly just made that pie that morning!!.

I'm pretty lenient about most things. The cup cakes don't have to be perfect.
The honey buns can be a little saggy. The sweet rolls can be a little dry.
But darn it my pies have to be fresh, mouth-watering tasty and a lip smacking delight. If my Mrs. is in on this conspiracy you can bet there will be hell to pay!!!

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Pie conspiracy

Gentlemen, please don't let my culinary sisters know I have posted here, but a particular item you may want to be on the lookout for as PRE-MADE is strudel of all types.

Strudel crust is made by stretching the dough very thin, to the size of an entire kitchen table (!) It takes 2 people to do it. Then it is spread with shortening, folded up and rolled, chilled, and stretched thin again....several times. All this before it is spread with filling, rolled up, and finally baked.

If a strudel is set before you and you know your wife has not had a friend over to help with the baking, you will know that the strudel is a fake.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Pie conspiracy

Gentlemen, please don't let my culinary sisters know I have posted here, but a particular item you may want to be on the lookout for as PRE-MADE is strudel of all types.

Strudel crust is made by stretching the dough very thin, to the size of an entire kitchen table (!) It takes 2 people to do it. Then it is spread with shortening, folded up and rolled, chilled, and stretched thin again....several times. All this before it is spread with filling, rolled up, and finally baked.

If a strudel is set before you and you know your wife has not had a friend over to help with the baking, you will know that the strudel is a fake.

I would never eat "strudel" anyway. It sounds European, and therefore gay.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Pie conspiracy

Just as I suspected, pie fraud plain and simple. I wonder just how high it goes? Could a certain Pastors Fiancee be serving false pie? I feel the need to call a private detective, surveillance in required.
Mistress Cookie thank you for being honest with us. I had apple strudel last week and I did not see anyone stretching dough with Phebe. Can these things be purchased frozen too?

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Pie conspiracy

Mrs. Porter pulled this stunt once with a cheap "store-baked" pie from Albertsons. Something just tasted funny and she wouldn't look me in the eye, so I demanded she empty her purse on the kitchen table. Sure enough, there was a store receipt and "Apple Pie - Bakery Item" was the only item purchased. Not only did she waste my money on bus fare to the store, but she paid $6.99 for a foul tasting pie!

Sobbing like a tot, she made excuses that she hadn't felt well that morning and that she couldn't be expected to bake every day. I started unbuckling my belt, but Jesus said "No,no. Not for this my son". As a man of Christ, I reached for the KJV instead and, as always, He guided me to the appropriate verse:

"He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much." Luke 16:10 - KJV

In the end she understood and thanked me for only suspending her access to the newspaper crossword puzzle for 6 months.

And her pie has only improved since that day of deception.

Praise Jesus Christ for His solutions to everyday life!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Pie conspiracy

Sister Thumper knows better than to try and pass off a store-bought pie on me. Even a frozen pie crust will get her a couple of black eyes and a sore behind for a week.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Pie conspiracy

Sister Thumper knows better than to try and pass off a store-bought pie on me. Even a frozen pie crust will get her a couple of black eyes and a sore behind for a week.

Had any good apple rhubarb pie lately? Have you seen any Rhubarb growing wild during this unusually hot, dry summer?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Pie conspiracy

Had any good apple rhubarb pie lately? Have you seen any Rhubarb growing wild during this unusually hot, dry summer?

I get it flown in from Intercourse, Pennsylvania. They grow the best rhubarb in the world.

[Benedict A. Davis]

Re: Pie conspiracy

I get it flown in from Intercourse, Pennsylvania. They grow the best rhubarb in the world.

My cousin lives just down the road from there in a small town called Blue Balls and he was telling me all their produce was exceptionally good this year but dealing with the Amish to get it is always difficult.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Pie conspiracy

I get it flown in from Intercourse, Pennsylvania. They grow the best rhubarb in the world.

Have you witnessed her making a crust? Keep an eye on her. No telling how devious these females can be.