Prayers needed

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

I come before you all in shame and sorrow. I've been struggling with one of the more vile sins known to man. M-ing. As I understand it, this is not only self-abuse and an abomination unto God, but also analogous to sex with myself. I am a man. I fear that I am slipping into homosexualism! I try to stop, but whenever I have 5 minutes alone, whether I am researching the newest perversions in homosexual pornography or merely searching the latest esquire magazine looking for subliminal demonic messages I get this feeling that just tugs and tugs at me. I try to resist, but I feel it just pulling at me, building in intensity until I can't stand it anymore!

I would very much appreciate a direction and healing, and I submit myself to the gentle and caring hands of the pastors here, since I am sure that they will point me in the right direction. I wish to forever rid myself of this poisonous desire, and free my mind for the scientific research that forever is necessary to keep the evolutionists at bay! My full attention is needed to show the world the relationship between the homosexual agenda and evolution.

[Pastor Bob]

Re: Prayers needed

An important question to help us understand the depths of your depravity is: "Has any of this involved drugs or male prostitutes?" I know of a miracle three week cure if involves these things.

[Rev. Dr. Davidson]

Re: Prayers needed

I know of a device that may help. It is a chain that is secured around the sinful area. It has spikes pointing inward, and if you feel your sinful nature rising, the pain should quickly make it go away.

Praise Jesus that you came out with your confession. I shudder to think that satan had a hand on your problem, but you have taken the first steps to jerk him from your life.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Prayers needed

I'm sorry for your distress Brother.

I don't know very much about this topic. But I will offer the help I gave to Tater when he had an Ming problem...as most teenager do.

I would buy these delish little Anti-Masturbatory gum packs for him to enjoy and a topical tincture. He said they worked.

I hope this helps your terrible affliction.

Helpful, Sister Thumper

[Pastor Bob]

Re: Prayers needed

This is a very serious situation. First thing to understand is that you are correct to be concerned about the M-word being closely associated with homerism.

Think of this as a "gateway" sin; any method that the great deceiver can use to get you to deny the baby Jesus, he will use. Once you start down this road there is no telling what depths of depravity it will lead.

This is not entirely your fault and there is hope. In my years of ministry I can honestly say that one of the largest causes of the m-word is a lack of spousal duties on the part of your wife. If she were to make herself available to often enough, you would have no need for the m-word.

Both of you need to go into a biblical based counseling program

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: Prayers needed

I appreciate everyone's concern and prayers. This is a problem that requires much prayer and supplication.

Rev. Dr. Davidson: I have researched this option, but I have yet been able to find a belt that fits snug enough to properly work. Perhaps I will need a custom-made one?

Pastor Bob: I have been trying to abstain from having a wife, since the Bible clearly states that it is better for a man NOT to have touched a woman (and, other than my mother during birth, I have been successful). Since it also states that it is better for a man to take a wife than to burn with lust, perhaps this is the best option. I just fear that a woman will demand more of my time than I can take away from science -- the true passion that God has instilled me with. Perhaps Sister Rain is looking to be a quiet and submissive wife that will be available for me when I return from the laboratory, waiting with food and her body to satisfy my every need, yet willing to allow me the space I need to sleep and otherwise remain my own person.

Thankfully the successes of Rev. Ted Haggard gives me strength, through which I hope to persevere. This problem is a stiff competition, but I know that my passion the Lord will give me the strength I need to relieve this tension. GLORY!

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Prayers needed

I just fear that a woman will demand more of my time than I can take away from science -- the true passion that God has instilled me with.

Dr Ville -

Perhaps you would do well to put an advertisement in the personals section?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Prayers needed

Have strength Brother Ernest and ask for Jesus help. I understand your anguish since I am single, my wife having gone horribly insane many years ago. Pray that Jesus' touch sooth your pain He guides you to the true and full relief that only He can provided and free you of the sin of the murder of the preconceived!. PRAISE!

Remember brother every seed you spill on to the floor in your lust is another soul that can not tell Jesus they love Him and so goes strait to hell!

We do have a Christian Single Men’s Support Group that meets bi-weekly at the Landover Country Club. I am sure we can fit you in their brother.

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Prayers needed

We do have a Christian Single Men’s Support Group that meets bi-weekly at the Landover Country Club. I am sure we can fit you in their brother.

B-J, it does my heart good to see you offer to lend Dr. Ville a hand with his "little problem". I'm sure some time in a prayer circle with his brothers in Christ will relieve his tension!!

[Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.]

Re: Prayers needed

Brother BJ has been a constant source of support for me in these past hours, constantly at the ready at a moment's notice. His never-ending encouragement and understanding is like a warm, kind hand at the most inviting moment.

The prayer circles have been particularly relieving, taking the load off my shoulders and placing it on those around me -- analogous to several brothers working together to lift a load that not just one could easily bear. Just a small bit of effort with them gives me great relief from my problem. I just keep in mind that wherever one or more is gathered, Jesus is right there with them. That thought is never far from my mind as I close my eyes tightly and spread my burden all over the group.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Prayers needed

I will pray for you, Brother Professor, because I know that if God's answer is no, you will present yourself in the public square in Freehold for the proper punishment! (I promise that if this comes to be, I will aim for your head to try and make it end quickly.)

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Prayers needed

I will pray for you, Brother Professor, because I know that if God's answer is no, you will present yourself in the public square in Freehold for the proper punishment! (I promise that if this comes to be, I will aim for your head to try and make it end quickly.)

Sister M&Ms!

If the good Doctor's prayers are not answered, and his time in the prayer circle does not completely satisfy his need, we will try every method listed in the poll and then some to save him!

Stoning is only for the unrepentant!!

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Prayers needed

I apologize, Brother Knees! I guess I get a little overeager at times.

[Poetic Peter]

Re: Prayers needed

When you used to chant your obligatory Hail Marys, did you image instead, your hurlings of golf ball-sized hail?

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Prayers needed

When you used to chant your obligatory Hail Marys, did you image instead, your hurlings of golf ball-sized hail?

I always pictured Mary reigning in Heaven alongside Jesus. I am soooo ashamed!