Share your stories!

[OnYourKnees]

Are you an ex-Homer or an un-Gay? Is there one in your family, perhaps?

This is the place to share tales of salvation!

Come now, I bet somebody here has a tail to show off for Jesus!!

[Poetic Peter]

Re: Share your stories!

This is a bit unorthodox, I know, but Mr. Ward died of the Consumption in 1867, two years after Jesus took Abe out.

Artemus Ward was Lincoln's favorite author. The two were intimates.
Ward (a pen name) in real life never married.

We already know about Lincoln's hidden side...

from

ARTEMUS WARD IN WASHINGTON
Washington, April 17, 1863.

... E. Stanton has appeerently only one weakness, which it is, he can't allus keep his under-garments from flyin up over his hed.
I mean that he occasionally dances in a peck-measure,
and he don't look graceful at it."

I took my departer. "Good-bye, old sweetness!" sed Abe, shakin me cordgully by the hand.

"Adoo, my Prahayrie flower!" I replied, and made my exit. "Twenty-five thousand dollars a year and found,"
I soliloquized, as I walked down the street, "is putty good wages for a man with a modist appytite,
but I reckon that it is wuth it to run the White House."

[Jack]

Re: Share your stories!

I'm bisexual, but its not like I wanna be, one of my sisters is is buttered both sides too

We are not promiscuous vampires either!

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Share your stories!

I'm bisexual, but its not like I wanna be, one of my sisters is is buttered both sides too

We are not promiscuous vampires either!

Friend,

Do not go to Hell on a bicycle (if you pardon the pun). Jesus wants to to be Saved! Reach out for His hand!

[Jack]

Re: Share your stories!

Jesus wants to to be Saved! Reach out for His hand!

Hes dead though isn't he?

[Glendora Christianson]

Re: Share your stories!

My son Skeeter may have had homosexual tendencies, but we managed to spank it out of him - thank the Lord! Anyway, when Skeeter was four years old, he found a Barbie doll in the sandbox and started to comb her hair. My husband Elmer was mortified! Elmer is always a fast thinker, so he took off his belt and gave Skeeter a few licks. Skeeter cried like a sissy, but then Elmer gave Skeeter a brick of M-80's and the two of them had a ball blowing that Barbie doll to bits. I think this early intervention, coupled with a daily reading of Leviticus 20:13 did wonders to create an extremely heterosexual young man. GLOATING GLENDORA

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Share your stories!

Hes dead though isn't he?

He was friend, but the good news is He got better!!! He has risen from the grave and His faith has spread from man to man across the world!

You can't keep a good man down friend!

[OnYourKnees]

Re: Share your stories!

He was friend, but the good news is He got better!!! He has risen from the grave and His faith has spread from man to man across the world!

You can't keep a good man down friend!

Indeed, Brother B-J!

Jesus and His followers have put the bite on the best brains of our time. Just look at the effect the gentle gnawing of Jesus' Love has had on the hearts and brains of George W. Bush, and Ronald Reagan, and Pat Robertson! Wonderful, compassionate men of God, all!

Once Jesus gets His teeth into you, there's no return to the life of sin and unbelief!

[Sista Lateefah]

Re: Share your stories!

Well, there used to be a homosessal in my family, but Jesus took care of that! There always was somethin' off about my little brother Dewey (I reckon the debbil had entered him at a early age). For one thing, there was that name of his. I never did figure out how he had got a white person's name. But when we was chillrens, he'd always steal my favorite doll away from me.



Of course, my old Auntie has always been a Godly lady, so she wouldn't stand for him not actin' right, so she beat him every time he had did that. But he was so persistant! So she finally got fed up and pressed his hands onto the burners of the stove one day after he did that.. ooooo, he was howlin' somethin' fierce! But he sure din't ever touch that doll again, I'll tell you that! He still didn't act right, though.

When he had got older, in his teenage years, a white man had started payin' for him to have some special classes after school. We couldn't get him to talk about what classes they was, and we sure couldn't figure out why a white man was payin' for them out of his own pocket (though we knows now. ) One day, me and my Auntie was going to go to the annual Cotton Pickin' Festival... and I had went over to this special school Dewey was at so I could bring him with us. I went in there and what did I see? My own BROTHER was dressed in tights, practicin' ballet! OOO, I was shamed! I went runnin' out that place as fast as I could. I was so fed up and embarrassed that when he had got home that night, I took my rollah pin and beat him black and blue with it! First time I had used that thing for somethin' other than cookin', but it wasn't the last time. He didn't talk much after that, but he sure didn't go to them classes no more.

A few years later, he had run away from home, but a couple of years ago he came back. He apparently had been having relations (if you can call it that) with that same white man this whole time. He came to me talkin' 'bout how him and this white man gonna go to Canada to get married. Sickening. He gonna lie straight to my face and tell me had and always been "this way" and that God had made him like that. I slapped him for bein' blassimuss, then I told him God do not create perverts. I guess he didn't hear me, because he axed me for "acceptance" and this and that, sayin' how he couldn't live without the love of his family. I tole him I din't know what love he was talkin' about, as I didn't have no love for unsaved perverts.

Well, after that, he had ran into what used to be his room, and he was just cryin' and cryin'. Coupla hours later me and my Auntie heard a gunshot and walked in there and come to find out he had shot himself in the head. Oh! We was praisin' God like you wouldn't believe!! I had been worried that he had came back to molest my chillrens (you know how them Homers is), but the Lord had spared me from those worries that very night! Glory! We got some use out of him for a while after that too... put a burlap sack over his head and put him out in a field to use him as a scarecrow. After a while, he had just fell off of that pole he was stuck up on and some animals done came and ate what was left of him. The Lord sure do look out for His chillrens, and I thank Him to this day for saving my family from the taint of homerism, and for throwing that unsaved trash of a brother into HELL. Hallelujah!!!

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Share your stories!

I'm bisexual, but its not like I wanna be, one of my sisters is is buttered both sides too

Why would your sister's sexuality have any impact on your own? Are you into incest as well as sodomy? And how on earth could anyone be bisexual if they didn't want to be?

[Warrior in Christ]

Re: Share your stories!

Why would your sister's sexuality have any impact on your own? Are you into incest as well as sodomy? And how on earth could anyone be bisexual if they didn't want to be?

Brother, I feel as though this one is making up lies in order to try to gain our acceptance. Little does he know that: Leviticus 18:22 Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it
is abomination.
Your satanic homer lifestyle is also addressed in: Romans 1:26 & 27 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet. It's also addressed in: I Corinthians 6:9-10 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God

You're already down the path to eternal damnation in hell! You must see the error in your ways if you hope to even be CONSIDERED to be worthy enough for the gates of Heaven.

[roserougesang]

Re: Share your stories!

I'm an ex-Christian actually, that's my 'confession'.

100 % 'no-religion'

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Share your stories!

I'm an ex-Christian actually, that's my 'confession'.

100 % 'no-religion'

Congratulations, you now have no chance whatsoever of being Saved:
Hebrews 6:4 For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost,
6:5 And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come,
6:6 If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.

[SalvationSeeker]

Re: Share your stories!

Congratulations, you now have no chance whatsoever of being Saved:
Hebrews 6:4 For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost,
6:5 And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come,
6:6 If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.

I do disagree about her, brother Temperance.
I truly doubt she has ever tasted the enlightment of the Holy Ghost, and experienced the true Word of God:
But only pastor feelgoods lies.

As for her ever being Saved, since she has most surely blasphemed the holy ghost.. She still cannot be Saved, and will most surely end up in hell!
But he that shall blaspheme against the Holy Ghost hath never forgiveness, but is in danger of eternal damnation.
Mark 3:29