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  • #1

    I fear my best friend has gone batty!

    Though I have not yet reached the True Christian™ status, I intend to do so at one point. However, I believe that my friend (who I thought I knew very well, mind you) has found different priorities!

    The other day, I felt his hand on my bum. Now, I think he tried to make it off as an accident, but his fingers felt VERY purposely placed. Then, I noticed him watching my neighbor with quite curious eyes, and saying something along the lines of "That is a very attractive man. He's just really attractive!" I nearly could see him attempting to give it to my neighbor in sphincter! Of course though, I removed these images from my mind and prayed to God for forgiveness. However, the thought of him being attracted to another man still lingered very, very deeply in my mind. Then, I noticed that he was watching MEN'S WRESTLING the other day, of all things! What normal person would even want to see men fall on top of each other, unless they got some erotic homer pleasure out of it? Also, it appears that he suddenly has taken a big interest in Cher, and everyone knows that only gay men like Cher. I simply cannot ignore the facts any longer. All of these clues are adding up to one terrible truth - my friend is a bender!!

    What can I do to save him? Please help me.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: I fear my best friend has gone batty!

    Originally posted by Appendage View Post
    What can I do to save him? Please help me.
    Friend,

    Are you aware of God's law on Homerism?

    And why haven't you applied it to your friend?

    Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

    Hot Must ReadThreads!


    Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: I fear my best friend has gone batty!

      Originally posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
      Friend,

      Are you aware of God's law on Homerism?

      And why haven't you applied it to your friend?
      Would you please refresh my memory?

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: I fear my best friend has gone batty!

        Originally posted by Appendage View Post
        Would you please refresh my memory?
        Lev.18:22
        Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

        Lev.20:13
        If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

        Rom.1:26-27
        For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature. And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.

        Any more questions?

        If you don't have the stomach to kill your friend for the Lord, then you might consider referring him to Sister Betty Bower's BASH program. She has an excellent success rate!

        Now why don't you share your own vile sins with us in the "introductions" section? Or are you actually the homer in question?
        Who Will Jesus Damn?

        Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

        Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

        Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: I fear my best friend has gone batty!

          Thank you, Pastor Ezekiel, for showing the patience of Jesus in your reply. Of course I would kill my ex-friend for the Lord, if that is what I need to do! I have completely ceased communicating with him, obviously, but as soon as I find him I'll make sure that it is done in such a way that he suffers greatly for his terrible inclinations in this world, and then God will punish my ex-friend (perhaps I should call him my enemy now!) in the way that he sees fit. I hope it is very horrible, as he deserves it for such a disgusting state of mind. I still cannot believe that he would choose this lifestyle! Oh well, the only friend I really need is Jesus.

          I wasn't aware that introducing myself was part of the criteria. I will make sure to do that right away. Apparently, I was so stressed out about my enemy's actions that I felt there was no time for introductions; I needed help ASAP.

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: I fear my best friend has gone batty!

            Kill him. Do it now. Do it quickly. Do it quietly. Jesus says so.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: I fear my best friend has gone batty!

              Originally posted by Aethereal View Post
              Kill him. Do it now. Do it quickly. Do it quietly. Jesus says so.
              Danny boy, I know that your witch girlfriend loves human sacrifice, but we True Christians are required to show restraint. We have been commanded by Jesus to obey secular laws, otherwise there wouldn't be a queer left alive today. Nor a witch.
              Who Will Jesus Damn?

              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: I fear my best friend has gone batty!

                Do I sense a bit of redundancy there, good Pastor? As a personal testimony, every witch that I have performed experiments/surgeries on has been nothing but a nancy, constantly yammering on about liberal ideas like "compassion" and "anesthesia". Any True Man would be happy to endure pain, especially when furthering the knowledge of our fellow Demonologists/Pastors.
                Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: I fear my best friend has gone batty!

                  Hold on; I'm getting some mixed signals here. Am I suto kill him or not? I need guidance so much it's almost pathetic.

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: I fear my best friend has gone batty!

                    Originally posted by Appendage View Post
                    Hold on; I'm getting some mixed signals here. Am I suto kill him or not? I need guidance so much it's almost pathetic.
                    I'm not sure exactly who this "suto" person is. As for killing, there is God's law and secular law. We are commanded to obey both.

                    Although if this person "suto" is a foreigner like he sounds, nobody is going to care either way.
                    Who Will Jesus Damn?

                    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: I fear my best friend has gone batty!

                      Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                      I'm not sure exactly who this "suto" person is. As for killing, there is God's law and secular law. We are commanded to obey both.

                      Although if this person "suto" is a foreigner like he sounds, nobody is going to care either way.
                      Oh my, I better check myself. It looks as if Satan and his demons have taken control of my fingers, to where I am typing utter jibberish like a Penecostal!

                      Your detailed explanation helped me very much. Thank you.

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: I fear my best friend has gone batty!

                        Originally posted by Appendage View Post
                        Oh my, I better check myself. It looks as if Satan and his demons have taken control of my fingers, to where I am typing utter jibberish like a Penecostal!

                        Your detailed explanation helped me very much. Thank you.
                        I am certainly glad that you were able to glean valuable information from our good Pastor here. That is certainly our purpose here on earth, to shine as a beacon of light to the lost souls such as yourself. Glory be that you have seen the Light!
                        Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: I fear my best friend has gone batty!

                          His sexual orientation is his choice and his alone. stop communicating with him or politely let him know that you think his being gay is wrong. then leave it at that. there is nothing you can do for him, nor do I feel that he would appreciate it if you tried to.

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Re: I fear my best friend has gone batty!

                            Originally posted by GothicDragon View Post
                            His sexual orientation is his choice and his alone. stop communicating with him or politely let him know that you think his being gay is wrong. then leave it at that. there is nothing you can do for him, nor do I feel that he would appreciate it if you tried to.
                            Sure its his choice. That's fine and dandy. He can go play hide the sausage with any pervert he likes...Only don't expect God to approve.

                            God hates fags, you see.

                            Lev.18:22
                            Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

                            Lev.20:13
                            If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

                            Rom.1:26-27
                            For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature. And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.


                            Just make sure all you homers know what the price is of being a disgusting sodomite. Praise God!
                            Who Will Jesus Damn?

                            Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                            Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                            Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Re: I fear my best friend has gone batty!

                              Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                              Sure its his choice. That's fine and dandy. He can go play hide the sausage with any pervert he likes...Only don't expect God to approve.
                              YAY you agree with me!!

                              Comment

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